Inspection

3 Jun

“Come here,” He says.

i stand in front of Him, He is in “His” chair, the one He always sits in at my house.  The one i like to kneel in front of.  But i’m standing now, i’m thinking He will say “Kneel,” next, but i’m waiting. 

i used to try to anticipate his wants, but i’ve learned not to do that.   One time, when i was sucking his cock, i felt His hand on the back of my head, and i thought he wanted me to take Him deeper, so i instinctively went deeper before He pushed me further down.   He was not pleased.

“Why did you do that?” He said.  i couldn’t really answer Him because, you know, my mouth was full of His cock, so i just made some noises that were supposed to mean, “i don’t know.”  

“Well, I think you thought I was getting ready to push your head down, so you just went ahead and took it deeper.  Is that right?” 

Of course, i nodded, and made “mmmhmmm” noises;  after all, that was right. 

“What?”  He asked, and i remembered that “mmmhmm” wasn’t acceptable, so i said, “‘es ‘ir,” which was as close to “yes, Sir,” as i could get under the circumstances. 

“I see,” He said.  “Well, I guess I won’t punish you this time, but don’t do it again.  What if I wanted the pleasure of pushing your head down?  Did you think about that?”   i managed a “‘o, ‘ir,” and He patted my head and said, “Just don’t do it again.”  But that made sense to me – if He wanted to push my head down, He should have the opportunity to do so.

So now when He says, come here, i just go there, and don’t try to anticipate what He might want.  i’m standing in front of him and He’s looking at me, which sort of takes my breath away anyhow.  Then he says, “Inspection,” and i can hardly breathe at all.   “Turn around,” He says, and i do, so my back to him now, and there’s a pause…

i’m mentally checking, long black button-down-the-front shirt made out of some filmy material, not actually see through, but almost.  Unbuttoned.  Black bikini panties, check.  Black push-up bra with lace.  Freshly shaved.   My red heels, toenails to match.

“Pull your shirt up,” He says.  “Show me your ass.”  Obediantly, i pull my shirt up.  “Open,” He says, and i spread my legs apart.  i want to look over my shoulder to see His face, to see if He’s pleased, but i know better.  

“Open,” He says again, more sharply, and i spread my legs further apart, far enough that i feel a little shaky in my cfm heels.   But i’m also shaky with excitement, and i can feel myself getting wet, my panties are wet.

“Good,” He says.   i’m standing close enough that He could have reached out to touch me, but He doesn’t yet.  He puts a foot on each side of my feet, which is a relief: i had felt like my shoes could have slid our from under me on the wood floor, but now i feel anchored.  And it’s a good thing, cause, “Bend over,” He says. 

“Mmf,” i say, just a little noise, but He catches it.  “What?” He says.  “Is there a problem?  Do you have an issue with that?”

“No, Sir,” i say.  “i just – no, Sir, no issue, just, let me see,” and, kind of carefully, i bend, and discover it isn’t a problem, that i can put my hands on my knees quite easily, and even go all the way to the floor with my hands.  Which was actually good, cause now i’m braced on the floor and between his feet on my 5 inch heels.

Of course, my shirt falls up over my head, and my ass and pussy are exposed and then He does touch me, He reaches out and pulls my panties down,  just to the top of my thighs, but i think the heat that generated might make me catch fire.   i’m so wet and so exposed and when He takes one finger and just barely touchs the wetness between my legs, i think i’m going to fall over, but i don’t, i stay on my feet, i just gasp. 

He spreads my cheeks and traces the crevice between them with a finger already moist with my own juices.  i moan and tremble.  i want more.  

Then, “Good girl,” He says.  “You can stand up now,” and i’m pleased to discover that i can stand back up – not too ungracefully either, i just walk myself back up my own legs til i can raise up easily.  Then i do look over my shoulder to grin at Him, and He smiles too,  for a second. 

Then, “Turn around,” He says, and i do.  He nods at my panties, still around my thighs, “Off,” He says, and i slip them off quickly.  Then, “Kneel,” and i do, quite happily.  He tosses me a pillow for my knees, a consideration i appreciate, and unzips His pants…

You know where the story goes from there – but here’s my question.  How does this work?  Why does that sequence of events make me so incredibly hot i’m on the verge of orgasm?  Even writing about it turns me on again.   i catch my breath when he says, “Bend over,” when he touches me.  i want – o, my, i want to be touched again, to be spanked, to be stroked, to be all of those things that we did…

It’s the idea of pleasing, no doubt, the “good girl” is worth so much.  It’s about obeying, it’s about giving up control, it’s all those things.  And maybe there’s no point in trying to figure it out.  For sure, i can just relax and go with it.

But.  Here’s where it gets complex.  The things I talked about – the pleasing, the obeying, and giving up control – those are the same things Christians are supposed to do for God.    Now, i’m not a big Born-again Christian – i’ve got my own spriritual life, and i’m quite content with that.  But i don’t think it can be a coincidence that the language is so often the same.  i just don’t know what it means.

So – for example – Brooke at http://subbrooke.wordpress.com/ writes a lovely post about the joy of being owned, and experiencing pain, not because she’s into pain, but because it pleases Him.   And how is that different from Christians who talk about the joy of being martyred, or of being ok with suffering  for “the Lord?”  

Ok, there are differences,  but there are similarities too.  And part of what i want to do with this blog is explore some of that.  For now, i’ll just lay the comparison out there.  In some ways, our (submissives’) relationships with our “Him’s” parallel devout Christians’ relationships with God.   Even the capitalization thing.  Even the idea of inspection – isn’t that what’s going to happen at the Second Coming?  Weird.

Maybe too weird to think about.  But isn’t that part of BDSM – going where most people won’t go?  Not being afraid to uncover the shadow side of life?  What are your thoughts on this idea? 

3 Responses to “Inspection”

  1. night owl December 10, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    Maybe a little late to the party, here, but I’ve had a lot of thoughts on this idea. I think that there is within a certain percentage of us the deep-seated need to serve, to have discipline and control in our lives that comes from outside of us. It is written into most religious dogma. It is also THE most basic tenet of 12-step programs- “Turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understand him.”

    I don’t think there is perceptually a big difference between religious ecstasy and submissive ecstasy. And just as there are many flavors of religion, there are just as many flavors (or more) of submission.

    I would really love to explore this once I get to grad school. It will depend on which school I attend and who I mentor with as to whether I’d even get approval for such a study. It sure is fascinating stuff, though. Can you imagine the controversy if I published a paper “Varieties of Ecstasy- A Comparison of Religious and Sexual Submission”!

    How brave you were to end with First Sir. That took great self-love and maturity.

    • aisha December 12, 2012 at 9:55 am #

      And I started a draft response to this, and then left itsorry.

      But yes. i think religion and spirituality and BDSM and sex and abuse all criss cross through this, touching and overlapping and breaking away.

      i hadn’t thought about this post in a long time. Thanks for bringing me back to visit it!

      i love the idea of you reading some of my archives – it’s been a long road to where i am. Also, when you were talking about dungeons, and public play, the other day i almost started to direct you to some of my experiences with Sir D, but it seemed too – preachy maybe? Too something.

      Anyhow.

      Thanks for the comment. i’m sure we’ll talk about his again – i hope you do end up doing some research around this topic!!

      hugs,

      aisha

      • night owl December 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

        I do the same with drafts – get interrupted. Gmail tells me i have 4 items in my draft file!!!!

        Preach away. i am an innocent and not ever above learning. 😀

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