Today

30 Jul

Sir D says that His dungeon does, indeed, have a row of – objects – that look very much like the ones in the picture i posted yesterday.  Hearing that makes my heart beat a little faster.

By 5:00 today, i will be there.

i’ll get home from work about 1 or 1:30.  Take a shower.  Shave, get lotioned up, all that prep work.  i shiver thinking about it.  The thrill of anticipation.

Of course, when we talked last night, He said, “And don’t you dare play with yourself tonight!  Or tomorrow.”  So i haven’t, and you know, i’m already squirming in my chair as i write this. 

i’m glad that i’m not leaving here til after 3:30.  Originally, i’d thought i might go sooner, but when He said to come about 5, it was a blessing.  i could have finished packing and everything last night and this morning, but it would have been a huge push.  This way, i feel like i have time to do the things i need to do.

i bought a dress yesterday.  It’s really cute, not real dressy or anything.  Casual elegance.  It’s not my usual type of clothes either.  Instead of the old hippie, flowing skirts look, it’s short (for me.)  And – well, it’s just different.   i don’t know what it’ll feel like to wear it. 

Assuming i do, cause i’m taking a couple of other options too.   i think “travel light” is a ridiculous concept, if you have a choice.  i hate to get somewhere and think, “Aw, man, see, i should have brought that other skirt.  It would have been perfect!”   i used to be real apologetic about how much i packed, now i don’t figure there’s anybody i need to apologize to, not  for my packing style anyhow.  

Can you tell i’m trying to think about everything except tonight?   But it’s not exactly that i’m avoiding it.

It’s just time to move  from full tilt anticipation to a more relaxed openness.  Receptive  to whatever the weekend brings.  

i may bounce back and forth for a while.  From:  Omigod, omigod, dungeons and paddles and clamps, o my… with my heart beating faster, shivers running through me…

To:   The stillness of being in the moment.  Become aware of my body and the things around me.  Notice my breath move from shallow to smooth. Feel the receptive center of myself.  Be in touch with that place deep inside me that connects with the universe.

I will open my spirit to receive whatever the weekend brings.    

Of course, i hope that includes some of the things i like – the taste of His cock, the opportunity to please Him, even an orgasm or two for me.    And – well, never mind, you know what i like.

But beyond that, i want to be open to appreciating who He is, to seeing beyond my own fantasies and expectations.    i want the release from self that submission brings.  

i want to bring to the evening the attitude of the Hindu greeting, “Namaste,”  often accompanied by a slight bow of the head.   Translated,  “The God in me greets the God in you.”  

i may not say it, but when i see him tonight, i will think, “Namaste.”

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