Being needy

25 Aug

i can’t blog today – it’s not that i don’t want to, i’m just not feeling it.   Is this – what do you call it?  There’s a term for it, isn’t there?  When you’ve been riding high on passion and living in intensely submissive space and then it’s gone…

Subdrop?  Is that it?


i was going to write a post today about sadism and masochism, based on a comment and question from Sin.  But it’s way too complex to do in the time i’ve got today.  

i was going to write a fantasy of some sort, but i can’t find it inside me.  Do you know what i mean?  When i try to look inside myself, in that space where i keep my sexual fantasies, there’s some kind of barrier;  i can’t quite get there.  i can almost see them, swarming all over the place, but i can’t quite feel them. 

i thought about writing about the duality i see so often – people separating their sexual, kinky selves, not just from their vanilla selves, but from their sexual vanilla selves.  That’s really interesting, but not today.

i’ve been having a covnersation with someone on fetlife about cock worship, and even thought about using that to jump start something to write about.  But i can’t find any enthusiasm for it.


Ok.  Maybe i need to work on being ok with where i am.  i don’t need to feel good all the time, right?   i don’t need constant attention and excitement to be ok, right?  Maybe i’m just being whiny and needy.  And you know i hate being needy.  Even when i am… 


4 Responses to “Being needy”

  1. Mick August 25, 2010 at 6:07 am #

    Yeah, I have mornings like that sometimes too…..that’s when you get shallow narratives from me. then, most of my stuff is rather shallow compared to the depths that you and some of our other colleagues plumb on these pages.

    It’s a guy thing, I suppose….

    • aisha48 August 25, 2010 at 7:22 am #

      @Mick – thanks – it’s good to know it’s not just me.

      As for being deep – I think expressing who you are is as deep as anything can get. And for sure you do that.


  2. vanillamom August 25, 2010 at 12:51 pm #

    i was *JUST* writing to brooke about subdrop. It’s a real, viable thing. A thing with major suckage. And not the good kind, with cum at the end of it.

    i just went through my own drop, last wednesday. I saw Sir B on Sunday. I was a mess. I know, it’s hard to picture, but truly, i was. (smiles)

    He was just what i needed. It took me actually talking to him later that night for me to say “i think i’m going thru a bit of subdrop”. And he agreed. So yeah, hard to focus. Hard to be. Hard to be without Him.


    (this too will pass…promise)


    • aisha48 August 25, 2010 at 7:59 pm #

      @nilla –

      Thanks so much for your input! I was reading your post to Brooke also and appreciating it too. You’re such “a mom.” I love it. In my vanila life, I’ve always been the mom, so it’s nice to be on the receiving end of some of that nurturing.

      Thank you!!!


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