Mundane and Magic

12 Sep

It was not a weekend of  dungeons.  No spanking benches, whips, or ropes.   It wasn’t even a weekend of private play.  No mind games, no intense sensual pleasures ending in orgasmic joy.  i didn’t taste His cock, didn’t feel His hands on me… sigh.

However.

It is a good weekend. 

Last week, i crashed, spinning down into subdrop – by Tuesday i just felt like crying; and i was having trouble concentrating at work.   i have the kind of job that requires my presence – physical, intellectual and emotional.  i can’t be half there. 

My efforts at mindfulness, being in the moment, letting my feelings come and go like the ocean waves – only helped for a moment.  i was ok as long as i was actively engaged in something, but give me a second of free time mentally, and i was spiralling down.  

i felt like everything in me- from my heart to my pussy to each individual nerve ending –  was still open and seeking connection with Sir D.  It was amazingly uncomfortable.  

Fortunately, Sir D talked to me, and texted me, and held my hand, so i could get through it and begin to re-center myself.    Now, understand that  i HATE asking for help -or anything, really.   And  i don’t actually expect anyone to help if  i do ask.  So –

– when i feel Sir taking care of me, which He did last week,i’m touched on some deep level.  my defenses melt.   i feel as if He’s laid His hand on my heart. 

For some reason, that soul connection with Him allows me to disconnect enough that i can function better, without feeling tearful or spacing out.   And because of the way Sir is, i don’t feel like i need to run away or put up a bunch of walls between us.

Ok, it might scare me a little bit.  But that’s ok.

i work at defining the balance between me as feminist and me as submissive.  Many years ago, i summed it up this way: 

“I don’t need a man to take care of me; I want a man who will take care with me.”

The people i shared that sentiment with didn’t understand.  They thought it was all about equality – sharing the care-taking, if you know what i mean.  And sure, i want that too, that partnership kind of  relationship.   But that wasn’t what i meant.

And this isn’t what i intended to write about today!  i want to tell you about my mundane weekend, and how it’s given me the chance to fully re-center myself.  This stands out:

Friday, doing just enough work to feel productive, then hanging out in my most comfortable t-shirt and catching up on everyone’s blogs, since i haven’t had a computer in forever.  i already told youall about that. But then dinner – 

– From the farmer’s market – fresh green beans cooked just right, a little olive oil,  a dash of garlic powder;  tomatoes , sliced and drizzled with olive oil, a touch of salt, and some fresh basil; corn on the cob, buttered with not real butter;  a chunk of whole wheat bread.  A glass of white wine.  The colors were so bright – it was so pretty, i almost hated to eat it.  But it was soooo good.

Saturday, doing some volunteer work early, then having breakfast with the other volunteers.  A bowl of baked oatmeal with  sweet, baked apple slices and a little brown sugar.   Skim milk in a pretty little pitcher – passing on the cream this week.  Time to debrief  the morning, to share conversation and laughter with people i love.   

A trip to one of my favorite shops – Nature’s Magic – to get licorice root stick for when i miss my cigarettes a lot.  Time to lust after some of their jewelry that i can’t buy.  But giving into temptation on a CD – Drumming Into Paradise:

Marina Raye, “the Feminine Voice of the Native Flute” and Olabayo, master drummer from Nigeria, lead you on a gentle and transformative journey…  Experience the magic…  Enter the circle within.”

And then a visit with my friend B, from Rwanda, who’s in town for the day only.  She’s so beautiful – her smile is an embrace; and when we hug,  – o, once again, i don’t have the words – maybe, is it that  –  we create  a connection that supports us both?   There is something powerful between us that is more than the two of us, something that gives us both strength.  

And last night, i could have gone to a party (vanilla, that is)  or a  kinky coffee meet-and-greet, but i didn’t.  i stayed home and enjoyed my borrowed computer.  Went for a walk.  Did some house stuff.   Talked to Sir on the phone, which made me feel good and sent me off to bed in a lovely state of mind.

Felt myself recentering, reclaiming myself. 

Today there is church, another community of people i love.  People who know me.   Sacred space.  Music and ritual and hugs… enough to carry me through the week.

And then family this afternoon, who will come help me move some furniture, thank goodness, – and, sadly, take back the computer. 

And i am recentered, i am whole in myself.  Grateful for the life i have.    Joyful in the moment.

O, and did i mention – excited about next weekend?  Because next weekend, Sir and i are going away for a whole weekend of kinky fun.  Like a convention, of sorts.  And really, i’m so thrilled, i can’t wait.  All those things that weren’t this weekend –

spanking benches, whips, and ropes, private play, and intense sensual pleasures ending in orgasmic joy, tasting His cock and feeling His hands on me…

all of those things WILL be next weekend.  And probably more that i can’t even imagine yet…

6 Responses to “Mundane and Magic”

  1. Mick September 12, 2010 at 8:17 am #

    Sounds like we were both in the cooking mood this weekend….

    • aisha September 12, 2010 at 8:23 am #

      @mick – I had the same thought when I read your post! Too cool….

  2. nilla September 12, 2010 at 9:44 am #

    gods, but i love your posts aisha.

    it’s like … i feel like i found a long lost friend.

    this post filled me with empathy, (oh, subdrop sucketh), and a peaceful kind of happy.

    Thank you.

    nilla

    • aisha September 12, 2010 at 12:58 pm #

      Thank you so much, Nilla – I feel the same way – particularly about your comments. Well, and of course when you verbalize my fantasies, that’s pretty cool too. One more connection to feel grateful for…

      aisha

  3. JaT September 13, 2010 at 6:39 am #

    I have been in a sub-drop world for a week or two – thus no posts or cooking. I am back now though and LOVE your post!

    Love all of them and am jealous of some too!

    xx JaT

    • aisha48 September 14, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

      O, JaT, I’m glad you’re out of subdrop!! Can’t wait to read your new posts – and so glad you enjoy mine!
      aisha

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