Holding On

22 Sep

i wake up this morning thinking that the buzz is wearing off.   That i no longer feel physically super charged and connected to Sir D.   Some of the memories are fading.   i can no longer actually feel His hand in my hair.   His cock in my mouth.   No longer see His hands cruelly pinching my nipple.   See the rope spinning around my body.  No longer hear the hitachi buzz as i squirm trying to capture the exact right angle…

Then i realize that even as i write those words – YES!- it all comes flooding back in a rush of memories, my pussy heats up, and all is well. 

Seriously, Sir has been careful with me this week, concerned that subdrop will be fierce.  So i’m supposed to check in with Him often.  Which, of course,  feels good.  But for now i am still high.  Quite ok with sleeping a few hours a night, waking up with visions of dungeons dancing in my head…

**********************************************************************************************************************

Ok, that’s only part true.  If i try, i can still recapture the feeling.   But i go walking this morning and there are tears behind my eyes.  Damn it.

i’m Icarus,  flying too close to the sun.

See full size image

 Ok, that might be a little overly dramatic.  Sigh.  

Sir reminded me last time i went through this that part of being in the lifestyle is the highs – and the inevitable lows.  O f course that’s a little like telling someone in the middle of childbirth that she knew this was gonna be uncomfortable…

{giggles}  Ok, that’s too dramatic too.  This is not frigging childbirth.  i’m just a little blue.

And needy.  That’s the part i hate the most.  i want to seeeee Him.  i want to beeee with Him.  (whine)  i want to – you know, the whole i-want-to-kneel-in-front-of-Him-and-worship-His-lovely -cock thing. 

Sigh.

It’s ok.  i don’t have to feel wonderful all the time.  i just need to be ok, centered in my own space. 

How do i get there?  Would a fantasy help or make it worse?

***********************************************************************************************************************

i’m kneeling in front of Him, my jeans and shirt almost neatly folded on the couch.  He has let me caress His cock with my mouth.  i lick the shaft, work my way up til my lips encircle the head, draw it into my mouth.  His hands entwine in my hair, but He pulls my head up, away from Him. 

“Not yet.”  He says.  “Go to the bedroom and take off the rest of your clothes.  i want you to lie in the middle of the bed, on your stomach.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, surprised – and aroused.  My pussy clenches, throbs, gushes…  i love obeying.  

His toy bag is already in the bedroom.

i am on the bed, as directed, face down, waiting.  i don’t know what He’s doing.  i wait.  i wonder what He’s going to do.  Butterflies in my stomach, getting o-so-wet.  Feeling soooo submissive.  O.

i hear him behind me.  i don’t look.  i wait.

“Open your legs wider,” He says. 

i spread my legs.  i can feel the bedclothes pressing against the inner lips of my pussy.  i tighten my ass, pushing myself farther into the bed, rubbing just a little –

– and feel a stinging slap across my ass.    i gasp.

“What a slut,” He says.  “Trying to rub your pussy.”  His hand caresses my ass, i relax –

– and feel a shower of slaps landing on me, stinging, burning – i squirm.  His hand fists in my hair.  “Hold. Still.”  He says.  

Mmpf.  i try to hold still, but even though it’s just His hand, the blows are fast and sharp and….

…make me moan.  It’s not all pain, there’s pleasure there, o, yes, and wanting more…   He knows that, and He laughs.   “Let’s try this…” He says, and there’s a pause…

…i hear him open the toy bag, i don’t look, i couldn’t see anyhow, but then i feel it – a ruler maybe?  Hard, landing hard, ooooooo – stinging more – ooooo.  He pauses to caress, and starts again.  Stiking different places, making sure my ass is covered, moving to the tops of my thighs. 

OOOOOOhhhhhhhhh.  It hurts so badly, and so wonderfully.  i feel Him possessing me, taking me, making me His.  i am  floating on sensation, losing myself in the feeling, in the pain and the pleasure.

And then – just as i think it’s too much, think i can’t take anymore – His hand probes between my thighs, feels the wetness flowing from my pussy.  “Turns you on, doesn’t it?”  He says.

i moan.  “Yes, Sir, it does, Sir.”   i try to press myself down on His hand – squirming into Him – i can’t help it.  Of course – whack – wham – my ass is on fire again.

“Stop that.”  He says, the stinging creates new sensation over the tingling that was already there.  O.

 Then, “Had enough?”  He asks.

“Yes, Sir,” i say, “O, yes, Sir,” thinking that now i’ll get to finish what we started with His cock, anticipating the sense of deep submission that will be mine as i work on pleasuring Him.  Instead –

– His hands spread the cheeks of my ass. 

i gasp.  Feeling totally exposed, nervous – ok, scared.  He has not done this before.

His finger touches.  Lightly.  i make a tiny, almost muffled noise.  More firmly now, His finger traces the crevice that’s open to Him.

O…. O, my.  i barely breathe, all my focus is there – on His finger, stroking me there…

*******************************************************************************************************************

Ok, gotta go to work.  i feel better!  Well,  for the moment anyhow.   Whew…

6 Responses to “Holding On”

  1. sin September 22, 2010 at 8:14 am #

    I love the analyogy of Icarus, flying too close to the sun. Yes there are lows and if you can’t handle them, you don’t get to have the highs. Sobering thought, but it’s true I think.

  2. nilla September 22, 2010 at 8:28 am #

    whoa…when did you go to the hotel room and hide so you could watch sir and i???

    *laughs*

    GREAT fantasy…that pretty much covers part one of Sir B and nilla….

    and i am *right* with you on the subdrop. It’s hiting and it’s hard and its not a good hurty.
    That fantasy of yours sure helped!!!

    that first fateful probing…

    i’m going to go write out one of the most powerful memories for the blog now. That seems to bind me back together again. Yes, the lows are part of it.

    but they suck rotten eggs.

    nilla

  3. aisha September 22, 2010 at 7:12 pm #

    @sin – Yeah, I think you’re right. It cracks me up sometimes – emotionally, I’ve been pretty solid and balanced all my life. So why have I gone out of my way to embrace a lifestyle that apparently makes me bipolar, so I have to learn to find balance all over again????? Goofy.

    @nilla – O, that’s funny – and great. Now I gotta go read you!!

    aisha

  4. Mick September 22, 2010 at 8:30 pm #

    You do have a busy imagination…..sounds like you need another fix from Sir D pronto.

    • aisha48 September 22, 2010 at 9:26 pm #

      Mick – Sigh. Yes, I do. See my latest post.. aisha

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Cure for Sub-Drop | Vanillamom's Blog - September 29, 2010

    […] i read Aisha’s post. Oh. […]

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