Planning

22 Sep

 i have a feeling that fantasies are going to become more important in my life for a few weeks… 

i had been hoping to see Sir D this weekend.  i knew He planned to be out of town next weekend and i was fine with that.  But i’d hoped we’d connect this weekend.  i wouldn’t ask Him though – i half-way believe that if i ask for something, i certainly won’t get it.  (Is that a common sub-belief, or just me?)  Anyhow, yes, i know that’s NOT true, that whether or not i ask for something probably isn’t the deciding factor.  But why push my luck, right? 

However.  i really needed to know whether to fill my weekend with activities or to keep it clear for time with Him.   So i asked.

As luck would have it, He had other committments. 

Sigh.

AND He’s pretty tied up the weekend after next weekend.  That’s three weekends.   Although maybe He’ll have a little time that third weekend.

i was disappointed.  i might even have cried – just a couple of tears.  

Then, you know, i talked to myself.   Gently. 

i remind myself that He has a whole life.  It’s not all about me.  It’s not supposed to be.  i remind myself  that men who have a life are sexier.    When a man puts everything on hold for me, it’s because he doesn’t have much to put on hold.   And that gets boring.  i’m glad Sir has other people and interests that are important to Him.

i remind myself that it’s ok to be disappointed.   There’s nothing wrong with missing Him.   i’ve known men who couldn’t stand it if i was hurt or upset – because it made them feel bad.   Made them feel guilty, no matter whether they’d done something to me or not.  As if all my feelings were  reflections of them. 

i don’t think Sir D is like that. 

So, calm and centered again.   All good.  But.  i’ll have time to fill.  No doubt.   Some of it will be easy – just the things i usually do, things that sometimes get put on the back burner for Sir.  i’ll do all of those things.

i’ll do special things.  There’s an art exhibit opening Sunday.  O – actually two, another one, a different one, next week.  Ok, cool.  

i’ll walk more.  i’ll go to the park, and the farmer’s market.  i’ll cook all my meals for the week on Sunday.  O – i’ll fill up all my new bookshelves, carrying books up from my basement, the un-fun dungeon.  

i’ll lose ten pounds, and all my clothes will look new.  

i’ll drink decaf chocolate hazelnut tea with honey and milk at night, and create healing rituals with sage and cedar. 

Maybe i’ll go to munches…  Munches, NOT play parties or dungeons.    There’s a small one this Sunday, at a restaurant close to my house.   i wonder if Sir would mind.  i don’t think so.  After all, He has lots of friends in the lifestyle, real life friends.  And i only have a couple.   (Not to sound pitiful.)

Should i ask Him?  Aw, man.  i hate this.   i don’t know.  i’m not “collared.”   We’re not even officially in a relationship.  And that’s ok.  We’ve barely started getting to know each other.

i wouldn’t play with anyone else anyhow.   Although, i don’t actually know if He’d mind that either.  He’s never said.  But, it doesn’t matter.   i wouldn’t.   i totally don’t want to.

Sigh.

You know what i want.  i want Him.  i want His hand in my hair, His cock in my mouth.  (Damn it, it’s getting boring already, isn’t it?)  i want His cock buried deep in my pussy, my legs raised, pushed back against my shoulders.  i want to feel Him pounding into me…  to moan and sigh and shiver, to feel the waves of pleasure take me over the top…

O.  Damn it. 

i have a feeling that fantasies are going to become more important in my life for a few weeks… 

10 Responses to “Planning”

  1. prima angel oasis September 22, 2010 at 9:38 pm #

    Believe me, I understand all about keeping busy and wanting. I have 7 and a half weeks until I get to go see Daddy again. Maybe you and I can stay in touch and help each other through these next weeks. I really like your plans. It makes me want to do things to keep busy too. Daddy works every weekend and our contact is drastically diminished while He works. Keeping busy with things that make me a better slave to Him is a great idea. 🙂 Hugs…let me know if you want a “keep busy” buddy the next few weeks. 🙂

    • aisha September 22, 2010 at 10:15 pm #

      @prima – Absolutely! That would be lots of fun!!! Do you want to connect via e-mail? Seven and a half weeks, huh? That should keep me from whining too much… aisha

      • prima angel oasis September 22, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

        Sure email AND text and IM and every other way we can think of. 🙂 that sounds awesome!

  2. nilla September 22, 2010 at 10:17 pm #

    imho…..i’d ask…

    my maiden voyage into submission is drawing to its first year anniversary. I spent a ton of time the first few months …and sometimes still…asking.

    coz i don’t want to screw it up by making a faux pas that could have been avoided but for asking for His guidance.

    I’m glad you’ll be filling your day with good things. Do you text? I don’t have computer access on ‘saturdays, but can send my cell number and we can text if you need a chat buddy.

    lmk…

    nilla

  3. aisha48 September 22, 2010 at 10:32 pm #

    @nilla – O. You might be right. i don’t want to screw it up that way either – but you know, my fear is that I’ll screw it up by being tooooo submissive. By giving Him more power than He wants. By acting like I think He cares more than He does. Making a bigger deal of it than it is.

    Sigh.

    Are my insecurities falling out all over the place? i hate to ask. hate to.

    I’d love to text you sometimes. You’ve got my e-mail address from my comments, right? Or – I’ve got yours – e-mail me, or i’ll e-mail you or whatever. Cool, cool, cool!!! Silver linings all over the place.

    aisha

    P. S. What is “lmk”????

    • nilla September 23, 2010 at 8:30 am #

      LMK= let me know

      and yes, i get the “too submissive” thing too…(do you read Discerning Dom? he addresses this issue very well…link is on my blog coz i don’t remember it!)

      and it depends on how forgiving He is if you make a mistake. Some Dom’s are stricter than others.

      nilla

      • aisha48 September 23, 2010 at 5:10 pm #

        Nilla –

        I do read Discerning Dom – I love him – he frigging reads my mind worse – or better – than you do. As accurately. I read his post on submission this morning – it was way cool, as always. I swear, sometimes I’ll post something and then – after I’ve posted – read something he posted a couple of days earlier that ties in exactly with what I was saying.

        I think Sir D is pretty forgiving – at least, I think I’ve only disappointed him once, and He was nice about it, since he knew I didn’t mean to. He can be firm about what He wants, which is good, but He’s not real demanding. So far, anyhow.

        I did ask Him anyhow, and felt ok doing it, and He said He didn’t mind, so that’s all good too.

        aisha

  4. sin September 23, 2010 at 6:04 am #

    I think you could ask but I also get that part about not wanting to be too submissive, not wanting to offer more than he wants, or to appear to care more than he does. Do what feels right to you, don’t be someone else.

    I like the part where you lose 10 pounds over the weekend. Does that mean you could lose 20 if you had 4 days to yourself? You go girl…

  5. sweek kk September 23, 2010 at 6:30 am #

    i totally get the wanting/ needing thing… and the understanding and attraction to one who has a life… but it’s still hard. just know you’re not alone!!

    kk

  6. aisha48 September 23, 2010 at 6:59 am #

    @KK – Thank you for the support!! I really appreciate it.

    @Sin – LOL – Noooooo, I can’t lose 10 pounds in one weekend – but there’s at least 2 and maybe 3 weekends that I won’t see him. I could lose 10 pounds in a month, right? Well, theoretically anyhow.

    Thank for the “do what feels right.” When it comes down to it, that’s really all I can do… And thanks for “getting it” Again.

    aisha

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