Thoughts on Punishment

25 Sep

In my fantasies, punishment was always part of it.  Corporal punishment usually, with some mild humiliation.   

One of those fantasies went like this:

i am living in a – training school.   Some of the people at the school are submissives or slaves; some of them are Dom/Dommes or Master/Mistresses.  (I’m going with Dom/submissive, but i recognize the variations, ok?)  Anyhow –

The teachers are teaching the Doms how to be Doms by having them practice on us.  So, for example, we might have a class in cock-sucking.  There would be a lecture component (very short and sketchy in my mind – ok, now that part’s over) followed by practice sessions.   If i didn’t perform well in the practice session (an unlikely scenario, but you know, fantasy’s a wonderful thing) – then there’d be a punishment.

Actually, it’s all kind of sketchy – the main point is that at some point, i get punished.  Sometimes, immediately, in the classroom.

“Come to the front of the class,” the teacher says.  

i don’t want to, but i know there’s no point protesting.  Slowly i walk forward.  i know some of the girls are feeling sorry for me, but i can feel the pleasure and excitement of the Doms in training.  

 “”Well,” the teacher says, “I’m surprised, you weren’t able to make Master John cum within the time limit.  Is that right?”  

i can only nod, “Yes, Sir.” 

“So- what do you think should happen when you fail to meet the standards?

i know what i have to say – i can barely get the words out, but i do – “i think – i think i should be punished, Sir.”

He nods.  “That’s right.  And what does that mean?”

i blush, “Sir, it means i need to raise my skirt and bend over the table so -” and my voice gets softer, “He can whip my ass…”

“So – what?” asks the teacher – “I don’t think the class could hear you.  No – wait – go ahead and raise your skirt so your ass is displayed to everyone, then tell us what needs to happen.”

Reluctantly, but obediantly, I tuck my skirt, which already barely covers my bare bottom, into the waist band, so that i’m totally exposed.  

“Now,” says the teacher, “You can tell the class, loudly enough that they can hear you in the back, what needs to happen next?”

“I need to -” trying to make sure I’m speaking loudly enough,  “I need to bend over and get my ass whipped.”

“Right!”  the teacher says.  “Master John, do you want the pleasure of punishing her yourself?”

Of course John does.  So he comes to the front of the room.   The teacher walks him through the next steps – he has me stand with my legs apart.  I’m already wearing ankle and wrist cuffs, and a collar.  My ankles are attached to rings in the floor.  There’s a narrow table in front of me – it’s below my waist in height and i have to bend over, exposing myself completely to the class behind me.   My wrists are attached to the table…

Master John notices that my pussy is wet.  He has the teacher’s stick, the one he uses to point at the board, in his hand.  

 

Using the stick, he  taps the inside of my thighs lightly, comments to the class on the slick wetness of my pussy.  With one hand, he rubs my clit, slides a finger inside me, making me gasp.  The class laughs.  He brings the stick down across my ass – hard.

Whew.

Ok, i’ll let your imagination take the scene from there, if you like.  Be aware that after the spanking, i’ll need lots of practice with John’s cock.   Usually, if i’m going through this scenario in my head, i’m touching myself, and by this point, i’ve probably already cum.  For my next fantasy, i may pick up where i left off this time…

But it’s a pretty mundane fantasy, i think.  Not one likely to occur in my real life – and not one i would want to happen.   

In real life, i’ve never been in a D/s situation with someone where they punished me for real.  i mean, i’ve experienced a little bit of  “funishment” where maybe He acted like He was going to punish me, and then spanked me, with a little drama attached, which (no big secret here) i kinda like.   But punishment for something i really did that He thought was wrong or that displeased Him – just hasn’t happened.

i don’t know that i’d be completely against it. 

i guess it would depend on what kind of things He was punishing me for, and what kind of punishments.  i’m innately a “rule-follower” – give me a rule, and i’ll do my very best to follow it, particularly if i’ve already agreed to it.  If i break the rule, i’m probably going to be pretty upset with myself anyhow.  i’m the kind of person who might be relieved with some punishment, if it led to full forgiveness.  But i’d be careful about what rules i agreed to.

And i like to think of myself as almost always wanting to please Sir D, but just the other day, there was a situation.  i was upset about something, and i started a conversation about it by being – i hate to say this- kind of bratty.  i didn’t mean to be, exactly.  But i was.  My feelings were hurt, and my insecurities were popping up, and i didn’t handle it well at first. 

i realized it after a few minutes, realized i was being petty, and stopped it.   And i won’t do it again, i don’t think, not in that area anyhow.   And i don’t think i deserve to be punished for reacting the way i did at first.  i can’t imagine how i’d feel if He said He was going to punish me for it.

But.

Here’s a twisted thought. 

i can carry some guilt for a long time.   Being Catholic, i used to kid around, I’d say, “I’ve just learned to go, ‘Guilty – check!'” making the check mark in the air –  you know.  “Guilt’s my life,” i’d say, “i do it really well,”  with a shrug, ” I just accept it and move on.”  

Looking back, it’s amazing some of the things i bought into feeling guilty about.   Just a wee bit over-responsible, i’ve been.

i think i’m kinder to myself these days.  i try to be.  But i can still carry a lot of guilt.

i think –

– that i never know where i’m going to end up when i start writing.  Does that happen to you all too?   And then you suddenly have to decide whether to go back and start deleting, or just change the subject … 

And have you all noticed that i’m feeling much better?   Less angst ridden, thank goodness.   And grateful for all the comments and off line support, even though i didn’t follow through with contacting youall like i thought i was going to.  i’ve stayed super busy today.

And this is silly.  i might as well finish my train of thought – cause it’s just a question, it’s not what is.

What would it feel like if Sir D did punish me for things i feel guilty about? 

i know He’s not into that, and i don’t think i am either.  But, just a little bit, i wonder… 

4 Responses to “Thoughts on Punishment”

  1. Mick September 25, 2010 at 10:21 pm #

    Very appealing fantasy, Aisha. and Courageous to share it with us….

    BTW, I am here in bed next to Molly, who is on the phone with M…this could get interesting.

    • aisha September 26, 2010 at 3:31 am #

      Thanks, Mick.

      And I’m looking forward to reading about THAT!

      aisha

  2. nilla September 25, 2010 at 11:27 pm #

    just a fyi….when i thought i was being ‘BORING’ in my submission by being ‘TOO’ GOOD, i asked Sir B waht would happen if i came off the Wall . He warned me that i really didn’t want to find out.

    which made me want to find out.

    but.

    not as much as i want to be a good girl.

    i’ve not found out yet, but i still occasionally ask him. “am i boring for being so good? Don’t you want me to be bad so you and punish me.”

    I get an quick response.

    “you don’t want me to punish you, nilla”
    “if you bore me you will be the first to know it.”

    so…yeah.

    i guess being good is good.

    (since the spankings for playtime already leave me with mega bruises, i cannot imagine how bad girl bruises would be…but i was assured i would not sit comfortably for more than a week.

    and His voice carried that ring of truth i’ve come to belive in.

    i can live with being a good girl!

    nilla

    • aisha September 26, 2010 at 3:37 am #

      That’s a great perspective on the whole punishment thing, Nilla. Yeah, I’m sure I’d rather be good than punished. And in any case, I think Sir D is more the “if you don’t want to please me, then why would I be spending my time with you,” kind of Dom, so punishment probably wouldn’t even involve bruises. And I can think of lots of things that would be worse, ya know?

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Nilla.

      aisha

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