A BDSM Riddle

7 Oct

The Riddle:

A Dominant and a submissive are sitting at a table, sharing a plate of food.  You can see them, but can’t hear them.   One of them is cutting the food into bite sized portions, and feeding them to the other person.   Which one is the Dominant and which one the submissive?

**************************************************************

i heard that riddle at the BDSM convention of course.  And i thought about it because of Sin’s comment on my post about how much i like to rub Sir’s feet.  Sin said:

And it makes me envious a couple of different ways. I would like to do this for him. But you know, I’d also like someone to do it for me. It sounds divinely sensual. Maybe I need a sub/slave to worship me?”

i could totally relate to what she’s saying.  i LOVE to have my feet massaged.  And i actually have a lot more experience on the receiving end of that than on the giving end.   Having my feet rubbed sends me into this blissed out space, and back in my vanilla relationship days, more than one man discovered that it leaves me grateful and open to  all kinds of suggestions.

When i got married the second time,  to a man who might or might not have actually been dominant – ok, i guess not, probably not, but maybe he thought he was for a while there, or maybe he was just humoring me, i don’t know.  Anyhow.  i’ll call him “B.”  

B liked to massage me – feet, and other parts as well.  With lotion.  Warmed a little in the microwave.  Which was – well, “nice” would be a ridiculous understatement.  Really.  He spent hours rubbing my body.  We’d be sitting on the couch watching a movie, and he’d have me put my feet in his lap and rub them. 

And it didn’t occur to me to wonder if this was a sign that he wasn’t really dominant.  i mean, we were pretty isolated in our relationship anyhow – no blogs, no munches, no one to talk about our experiences with.  So he’d say, “Feet.  Here.” maybe snap his fingers,  point to his lap and – well, who wouldn’t have obeyed?

But i wonder now.  Is that something that Dominants just don’t do? 

You know, i don’t want to get too deep into what my relationship with B was like, but he made it seem like it was a way to possess me, and that worked for me.   If anyone had told me it meant something was wrong with our D/s dynamic, i’d have probably laughed at them anyhow. 

But some rude awakenings and one divorce later –   Sin’s comment really got me thinking.    What’s your experience and thoughts?  Do Doms/Dommes, Masters/Mistresses not do massages,  foot rubs, and such?  Is that a submissive phenomenon?

O, and the riddle?  The answer, of course, is that you can’t tell who’s Dominant and who’s submissive without more information.  The submissive might be serving by feeding the Dominant.  Or the Dominant might be controlling the submissive’s food intake.  It could be either way – you can’t tell by looking. 

Which do you see first - the vase or the two women's faces?

9 Responses to “A BDSM Riddle”

  1. Mick October 7, 2010 at 6:00 am #

    It seems I do most of the rubbing in the Collins household, you I guess that says something, but not necessarily about your Ex.

    • aisha48 October 7, 2010 at 6:17 am #

      Right. Interesting though, isn’t it? (And i knew wht you meant… and understand bleary eyed!)

      aisha

  2. Mick October 7, 2010 at 6:00 am #

    I meant “So I guess that says something”. bleary eyed still.

  3. nilla October 7, 2010 at 9:32 am #

    got the riddle right, saw the vase first, and have no experience with rubbing, except when i was a kid and my sis and i would give backrubs.

    my wife is not touchy feely. i am uber touchy feely.

    Sir touches whatever He wants to…and i find some form of pleasure in every form of caress He gives me…but for me what really does it (aside from spanking) is kissing and He is an *amazing* kisser.

    yeah, wife isn’t much of a kisser either. one of those maiden aunt pecks. Sad, really to think on it.

    so…i shall think about Him and be…content..

    nilla

  4. prima angel oasis October 7, 2010 at 1:05 pm #

    what I have come to know and understand is that anything Master does is what HE wants to do and I don’t question it. He loves to feed me from His hand and I’ve fed Him before too. In both cases I was never more surrendered and submissive to Him.

    hugs
    prima

  5. The Beast October 7, 2010 at 3:55 pm #

    I don’t think it’s a non-Dominant thing to give rubs or massages or what have you. Like in the riddle, it’s intention that makes an act Dominant or submissive. If the Dom wants to rub, he rubs.

    Some do, some don’t… personally I do. I love the female body and I love to touch it. Absolutely as much as possible. It pleases me greatly to touch. The one caveat to that is my massages don’t often last very long, because my hands end up roaming to the areas one would have to tip one’s masseuse quite generously to massage.

    But I love to receive them too and try to make that a regular occurrence. Although not my feet… I am a socks-on kind of guy, lol.

    I saw the vase first, fwiw. Go Team Vase!

  6. aisha48 October 7, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

    @nilla – I had a feeling you might be touchy-feely. I agree, for sure, that all caresses are good – and i’m glad your Sir keeps you content…

    @Prima – Nice – I can picture that…

    @The Beast – thanks for the Dom perspective!! Yeah, I thought that was probably the case, but it’s nice to hear it too.

    Sir D and I have not been together long enough for me to know everything I want to know about Him; we’ve just begun to explore how we’re going to be together, i think.

    Thanks for the comments!!

    aisha

  7. sugar_and_spite October 12, 2010 at 9:50 am #

    There’s also a phenomenon known as “service topping” which is sort of what I do when I top: I’m not doing it to please myself (well, at least, not completely): I do it to give the other person an experience. I check in, I get and give feedback, and I follow suggestions… and I’m really big on aftercare. But I’m a switch, and that’s a whole different can of worms.

    I think the “stone Dom” or “Domly Dom” archetype is weird because it doesn’t allow that person to be a complex human being. As Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy wrote, “I’m a person– not a life-support system for a whip!” 🙂

    I have their books, the New Topping Book and the New Bottoming Book, if you’d like to read them. I also recommend Sensuous Magic by Pat Califia, if you want some good intro-level primers on BDSM practice, safety, and dynamics.

    best,

    -Minx

    • aisha October 12, 2010 at 8:49 pm #

      @Minx – Thanks for reading , and for commenting! I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and experience. All the possible variations in BDSM’ism are fascinating, aren’t they? I love that.

      And yes!! I’d love to read your books!! When will you be in town again? O – never mind, e-mail me, right?

      Thanks!

      aisha

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