Public Events and Privacy

13 Oct

Big excitement – Mick and Molly are going to step out of the computer and into my real life!!  In a few weeks, they’re going to join Sir D and me at a munch and play party.   Last night, i was reading  Sin‘s blog reacting to Mick’s post on the upcoming event.  She was talking about her discomfort with the idea of “coming out,” so to speak.     

I can relate.  I’m not actually “out” myself.  i know people who are, but there are lots of degrees of being out.   So even someone who’s well known in the BDSM world may not be out to vanilla friends or family.  There is a certain amount of privacy built into the kink community. 

Most people at the events use only their first name.  My real first name is fairly unusual and would be easily recognized by anyone who’d heard of me, so I use “aisha,” which I think protects me to some extent.   A little bit anyhow.

Beyond that, there is a cloak of privacy over the events themselves.  The munches look like ordinary dinners – a social gathering of folks.  Not a class reunion, there’s too much age diversity.  But we could be chess players or animal rights activists or a group organized through a dating website. We have a private room in the restaurant, but dress in “granny wear” – clothes you could wear if you were seeing your granny.

The difference is in the details.  The woman with a dog collar around her neck.  Introductions – “This is my slave…”  Snatches of conversation – “So He gets out the flogger…”   “How long have you been in the lifestyle?”  “I found these really cute nipple clamps…”   Or just a reference to “the things that we do.” 

The difference is subtle.   The room is busy, people move around, greet each other, hug, laugh.  A man brings a woman her drink and instead of bending over, casually kneels beside her as he sets it down.   Was he required to do that?  A woman whispers in a man’s ear, he nods, and she heads into the bathroom.   Was she asking permission?  The dynamics play out all around us, often unnoticed.

We keep a low profile.  We are polite to the staff, and tip well.  If we have a problem with the service or a significant problem with the food, we refer it to Mr. M, our host.   

And underneath the ordinary veneer, energy hums.  We buzz.  Magic is in the air.    We say we’re like the wizzards in Harry Potter.  We go about our business and try not to let the Muggles know we exist.

After the dinner, we head for the play space.  The dungeon.

The address is carefully protected.  You have to be connected with the group in some way to know where the party is in the first place – or the munch, for that matter.  Newcomers are welcomed – and kind of vetted.  Mr. M, Miss C,  or other old timers will chat with them,  ask them how they found out about us, who they know and so on.   It’s polite; we want to know who’s in our community.

The windows of the dungeon are covered; no passer by could peep in.  And people patrol outside – showing us where to park, but also protecting.

At the dungeon,  some people change into fetish wear.   Women get laced into their corsets, men undress.  Women undress.  Leashes are attached to the collars.  The mysteries are unveiled.  

Other people are still in their vanilla clothes.   There isn’t a wrong way to do it.

Of course, there’s no guarantee i won’t run into someone i know.  It’s a small world.  And it’s happened to me already.  But it wasn’t the disaster i thought it would be.  After all, we were both very much in the same boat. 

And there are consequences for violating the privacy rules.  If you “out” someone, you’re banished from the community – and believe me, that would be gently but firmly enforced.  Other communities in the area are advised of the violation.  

So i hope to enjoy the community and still hang on to my privacy in the vanilla world. 

And i’m soooo excited about getting to meet Mick and Molly! 


4 Responses to “Public Events and Privacy”

  1. nilla October 13, 2010 at 7:14 am #

    there are only a very few, select people who know my vanilla name as well, my Doms, my subsister.

    to all others, i am nilla. my name was carefully chosen as well, and has moved with me as i’ve evolved in the lifestyle. there are some things that i have been called on to do that i have a totally nilla reaction too, still. *smiles*

    as to getting to a munch/play party…mmm. someday. Someday i’d like that very much.

    for now, i dream.


  2. sin October 13, 2010 at 7:37 am #

    Good post Aisha, and of course it would need to be like that wouldn’t it? Private, careful. Restrained publicly.

    I smiled at the idea of you encountering someone you know, but very much in the same boat as them. Sounds like a story there. So many stories.

    Thank you for the view behind the scenes.

  3. Mick October 13, 2010 at 7:46 am #

    I guess we will just be plain old “Mick” and “Molly”. Tho Molly says she really doesn’t look like a Molly. But then again…. there are those Black Irish…ancestors of the marooned straggles from the Spanish Armada.

    I do feel a little sorry for those guys (and girls) who get to patrol outside.

  4. aisha October 13, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    @’nilla – {smiles} Patience is a virtue, right? And – wouldn’t it be fun for us all to be at the same event someday????

    @Sin – Thanks! Yeah, I guess there is a story there…

    Glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂 Is it ok if I fantasize you’re at the shared event, even though you wouldn’t do it IRL?

    @Mick – “plain old” Mick and Molly? Whatever… lol

    And I think the patrol guys and girls do it in shifts so they don’t miss all the fun….



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: