An Abundance

17 Oct

So i’m writing this from Sir D’s lovely home – YAY! 

We had a lovely evening, involving Indian food, back rubs, and orgasms, not all at the same time, of course.  And there’s nothing quite so nice as waking up next to Him, all warm and cozy under the covers.

i’ve been contemplating stuff this morning.   He says, “Come,” and i say, “On the way.”   Is that a submissive thing?   Of course, He was much politer about it than that, and i did check my calendar to make sure i hadn’t promised to do something else.  But still.   i liked it –  that i could drop what i was doing and “come,” when He said to.  Honestly, it makes my pussy twitch thinking about it now.

And that circles me back to yesterday’s topic on giving and all that.   “Giving from abundance.”    That phrase keeps bouncing around in my head.  i even googled it to make sure it’s not the title of some book, but i didn’t see one.

Abundance:   1. an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply: an abundance of grain.  2.  overflowing fullness: abundance of the heart.

i have a mental image of going to borrow food from a neighbor.  Imagine how different it would feel if the neighbor’s cabinets were practically bare, rather than filled and overflowing.   But how much food they give me might not have anything to do with how much is in their cabinets.  And our sense of whether or not we have anything to give doesn’t necessarily depend on how much is in the cupboard.

How do we define “enough to share?” 

“If i’ve got anything, than i have to share it with someone who needs it, if they ask me.”  That’s what many of my clients would say.   And i might agree,  but i define “someone who needs it” more narrowly.  And i factor in a lot of responsiblity to make sure i’m not going to end up borrowing tomorrow.  But that’s talking about material goods.  Typically, submission isn’t about that (although i know it can be.)

Submission is more about giving yourself, right?  So everyone has something to give.    What we give, to whom and how we do it is the focus of negotiation.  The answer might be “everything” in a Master/slave relationship.   It might be “a couple of hours of playtime” in a casual relationship.   In a BDSM relationship, the choice and the terms of exchange are very explicit.  

So, i have a “self” i want to give.  And sometimes i’m full of energy and joy and feel like i have a lot to give.  Sometimes, i’m tired and stressed and lonely, and don’t feel like i have much to give.  

With BDSM, i sometimes think that when i’m in that “down” space, Sir is supposed to somehow make me feel better.  Like the deal is “i share with you when i’m happy, you fix me when i’m not.”   

i like that idea.  

i know it doesn’t work.

So.  If i want to give from abundance , then i need to have an abundance to give from.    And how i develop my abundance is really the whole point of my life, isn’t it?   What do i fill the cabinets of my “self” with?

And that brings me back to the “submissives are weak” concept.  The image of a submissive cringing in the corner is so wrong on so many levels.  The belief that we’re passive or unthinking is ridiculous.

Because i’m submissive, i need to have an abundance to give.  The more i have to give, the stronger, more fully developed, more integrated person  i am, the better submissive i can be.   It circles and loops back and feeds itself, doesn’t it?   And isn’t that cool… 

So when i get a text message from Sir, who’s upstairs in bed, that says, “Come back here!” i’m delighted to text back “K” and head up the stairs!

12 Responses to “An Abundance”

  1. sweek kk October 17, 2010 at 10:47 am #

    Aisha – sounds like a wonderful experience! i love the idea of giving from abundance and it does seem to be a cyclical thing… so happy for you and Sir D! Just wonderful!


    • aisha October 17, 2010 at 6:33 pm #

      KK – Thanks for the comment and the kind words!


  2. nilla October 17, 2010 at 11:21 am #

    There is a book that speaks to that, Simple Abundance.

    And you are right, when you are down, and hurting or tired or empty…it’s not His job to fill that emptyness….

    i’ve told Sir he fills me…but i don’t mean that empty larder is restocked…i mean that i get to serve Him in a variety of ways that that makes me *complete*…so i was using the wrong term…

    i am looking for that simple abundance. i find it in my very deep spirituality, from the love of family and friends who fill my life with their own abundance, from the gifts of nature, and from my writing.

    this is exactly what i needed to read, at the exact right moment in time.

    you may very well have “saved” me…thank you.

    blessings, light and love,


    • aisha October 17, 2010 at 6:39 pm #

      Nilla – yeah, I’ve seen that book and thought about actually buying it. But i”m afraid it’ll just sit on my bookshelf. It seems like it’s got suggestions of stuff to do. Did you read it? Do any of the suggestions?

      Beyond that, yes, I too find my abundance in those same things. Thank goodness we can do that!

      I’m glad my post was timely for you, and it spoke to you. You save yourself though, you know that. But I’ll say this too – in my view of spriituality, there are connections that transcend space. So if I look deep inside myself and write what I find there, the writing will find the connections in the universe who are open to hearing it… (Does that sound too – new age? I guess I really kind of am…)


      Blessings and peace and many hugs back to you,



  3. strivingforpeace October 17, 2010 at 11:44 am #

    Aisha — I keep reading your entries — and the comments and I’m struck by how many of us feel that you are talking to us directly

    Thank you for your blog — and more specificly — to the entries of late.

    You share your abundance not just with your Sir — but also with us


    • aisha October 17, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

      You know, same thing I said to ‘Nilla – It’s from the deepest part of me, and goes out to the universe – I’m so glad to be connected with you!!!! Thank you so much for your words.



  4. Florida Dom October 17, 2010 at 1:05 pm #

    Your giving from abundance comment was quite interesting. Thanks for sharing.


    • aisha October 17, 2010 at 6:43 pm #

      Dear Florida Dom,

      I have to tell you – you were one of the very first blogs I ever read, and I still follow you. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment!!! I”m glad you thought it was interesting.


  5. nilla October 17, 2010 at 7:18 pm #

    its a daily…meditation guide, but when i was using it, i would just lay my hand on it and open to a reading..’spirits guide my hand to where i need to see..’ just did that now and one page “self nurturing..the hardest task you will ever do..and the other…what do you like about yourself.”

    i guess it’s a good thing to have on hand for those times when you feel mired in self doubt, or self pity, or even just bleak and empty as i’ve been these last few days.

    i’m thankful that you have a ‘new age spirit’ because really, you helped to lighten me. i know i can save myself. and i’m climbing out of the hole now, but gosh, friends like you don’t come along often aisha.

    the people that are nurtured by you are so blessed to have as thoughtful a guide as you. and i mean blessed in a new-agey, Goddess way. *smiles*

    ps i still think it’s a good book. thanks for helping remind me of it.

    • aisha October 17, 2010 at 7:39 pm #

      I have to get the book now – lucky for me, I actually have a gift certificate to a book store. I knew I was saving it for something… 🙂

      And – you and I really need to get together sometime – have coffee, talk stuff, maybe dance around a cauldron at the full moon…



  6. Mick October 17, 2010 at 8:03 pm #

    I don’t think any of us who follow you and orient ourselves on the Sub-side of this life are cringing in a corner. My guess is that would be pretty boring and burdensome for our opposite numbers. Mick.

    • aisha October 17, 2010 at 8:10 pm #

      @Mick – LOL – No, I don’t think we do either. But interesting that there seems to be more angst about the possiblity of being “weak” among the female subs than there is for you…


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