Power

23 Oct

 i’ve been thinking about power lately, power in the vanilla world.  I just accepted a promotion at work, a couple of steps up the supervisory career ladder, which gives me a bunch of responsiblity.  Not much new power, for real.  But a ton of new responsibility.   And a position of power. 

Sigh.

i’m ok with that.  i’d been steadily turning the offer down for a couple of years now, for a bunch of reasons, but now is the right time to accept it.  True confessions – any job i have, i end up with some degree of authority.  Whether it’s official or not.  Having a position of power is ok with me.  

What does that mean for me as a submissive woman? 

i’ve read about submissive women who find having power uncomfortable.  As if “being in power” is stepping way outside of her comfort zone, almost an unnatural state for her.   So submission to her Dom or Master is a welcome relief; it allows her to be her “true self.” 

Youall already know that i’m not very good at splitting myself.  That i’m all about being integrated.  A real me/not real me dynamic doesn’t work so well  for me.   Although –

– submission is always a relief.    “Letting go of my self.”  “Putting myself in His hands.”  Just the words turn me on.  

i think “Submission” allows me to expresses a different aspect of myself.

And i need both for balance.  i can’t be a tiny, shrinking violet kind of person, because – i’m not.  i’m not loud and pushy either.  i’m often quiet and i may seem shy, meek and mild even, at first.  But i’m not.  i’m just not.  If i  try to make myself that, i lose who i am, and it doesn’t work anyhow.  

So i need both aspects of my self:  the “me” that has authority and accepts power, and the “me” that gives up the power and authority and submits joyfully to Sir.  i wonder – if one half of the equation gets stronger, does  the other one grow to match it? 

Am i better able to accept the power because of my submission to Sir D?   Will having a position of  power in my work life increase my ability to submit?  My need to submit?  My desire to submit?  Will i have more to offer, in some psychic energy kind of way? 

i think that’s part of the image i have.   Like scales:

 

As i gain power, i have more power to give, and more power to give up.  My submissiveness grows too; i have a deeper submission to offer.  Not necessarily deeper than anyone else’s – just deeper than mine was before. 

So i’ll kneel, palms resting on my thighs.  Smiling slightly, head tilted just a bit.  Waiting for permission.  Wanting to serve. Wanting to please.  Having more to offer, i’ll offer it. 

6 Responses to “Power”

  1. Mick October 23, 2010 at 7:07 am #

    It’s definitely a balance thing for me. Exercising control and authority at work. Giving it up at home.

    and that’s why Mistress enjoys – needs really – her intriguing relationship with M, and our switch days too. She’s in a pretty stressful, authoritative position at work, and there is her Slave to deal with, so she needs to let others take control from time to time.

    Probably more than I do.

    Hope you enjoy your adventures this weekend, AIsha.

    • aisha October 23, 2010 at 11:45 am #

      Thanks, Mick. Yeah, it’s an interesting balance.

      And your Mistress has the responsibility of being your Mistress too! I think that’s part of where I’m headed with this train of thought – the “what about doms?” piece…

      Thanks for the good wishes too – I’m sure I will!

      aisha

  2. sin October 23, 2010 at 11:21 am #

    Well you will have more power to give up now but is it power that he wants to take? After all, there are two sides to the equation right? If he worked with you, (hypothetical, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t) and saw that change in your position it might make more of an impact in his perception of you, and in where you were relative to him. And I certainly think that a new job will add stress to your life and make you different for a while. But will it really change how much power goes between the two of you?

    • aisha October 23, 2010 at 11:47 am #

      Oooooh, good point, Sin! Of course I don’t really know how it’ll affect our relationship, or even if it does. I’ll look forward to hearing his thoughts on it!

      Any other Doms out there willing to express an opinion?

      aisha

  3. nilla October 23, 2010 at 10:07 pm #

    it’s late, been a verrah long day for nilla, so pardon any incoherence. That said….being as i’m you’re earthy crunchy type…

    i see the *who* of any of us…Dom, sub, Boss, subordinate…as whole, complete people…and within each of us is a Yin and a Yang…

    i know those are words often overused. And i don’t necessarily relate them to Male/female energies, but…to have submission, we *must* have strength. A very powerful strength to submit, to serve, to *give* to our Dom/Master/ Sir/Mistress/Ma’m….

    and we must in the giving up of that power, become softer, gentler, accepting, meeker, …all of that…we can’t be all or nothing of one part of that…

    dynamics like that( all or nothing) are doomed (imho) to failure …coz the sub is going to want the Boss to maintenance at such a high level that it would be impossible to maintain.

    those of us who have trained dogs know that, once you do the work, as long as you maintenance occasionally, the dog will be a good boy/girl, able to go about it’s doggie life, as your companion, not needing to be told every second to sit/stay…the command structure is there. The dog knows what to do and does it..A gesture by the Master elicits the appropriate response.

    if the Master has to continually tell the sub “okay now you get up at 7, and pee” unless it is by HIs choice, then it’s a real pain in the ass.

    i know how i feel having to tell my kids *all* the time “please pull your socks out so they’re not little balls going into the washer” I hold out hope that someday i won’t always have to remind them…coz it really gets old, fast.

    i guess the bottom line to this ramble is that…You will be You …you may well have more powah at work, but i really can’t see you running around as a little Cesar, gettting all corrupt on it. *smiles*

    and i’m guessing your Sir won’t see that either.

    nilla

    • aisha October 24, 2010 at 6:39 pm #

      LOL – no, I don’t think I’ll be running around as a little Cesar either, thanks for the vote of confidence.

      Yeah, I’m not sure where I was going with this, not sure it matters. It wasn’t that I was thinking it would affect my relationship with Sir D exactly – I don’t know.

      But yes, on the Yin and Yang and each of us being some of everything, and not needing to be told what to do all the time!!

      As for the kids balling up/ unballing up the socks, IME, they need to be reminded until they actually move out, and then they become fanatics about it and may randomly lecture you about how they can’t believe some people don’t know to do that.

      {Laughing}

      Thanks for the feedback, ‘nilla.

      aisha

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