30 Oct

There are things i do for my Sir that He appreciates – appreciate meaning “to be aware of” and “to place a high value on,”  more so than “to be grateful.”    And sometimes He tells me, “This is a gift – this thing you’re doing.”  Of course, my little submissive heart just swells with joy when He says that. 

But He doesn’t think submission itself is a gift. 

i know this is a greatly debated point, and that people will argue passionately one way or the other.  That’s not where i’m going with this.  i agree with Him because – for me, submissiveness is a trait, a way that i am.  Almost like – don’t laugh – like being an artist.  (Ok, you can laugh.)

But seriously.  Just because i’m an artist, doesn’t mean you’re going to like my art work.   Just because i’m submissive doesn’t mean you’re going to want me to submit to you.  Does that make sense? 

At the same time, there is value in being an artist, regardless of whether or not you care for my particular style of art.  And there is value in being submissive.   We can call it a gift. 

i think any time we open our selves to each other it is a gift. 

Fifth Angel, the sadist, tells the story about a time he pushed his submissive to do something in a workshop he was leading.  She did, despite great emotional distress, and grew through the process, despite the pain.  At the end of the workshop, she was surrounded by well-wishers and supporters, congratulating her on her courage and strength.

No one congratulated Fifth Angel, or recognized his contribution to what she’d done.

He points this out just a little bit petulantly – the “what about me?” in his voice almost amuses me.   Big, bad Dom, serious sadist, looking for appreciation.  But –

We tend to think of submissives and slaves as “giving.”   Giving service, giving obedience, giving of our selves.   Does that mean Dominants and Masters are “takers?”    How would that work? Can it be an endless cycle of us giving and them taking?   

Of course not.  As i write this, it seems so obvious.  It can’t be a one way flow.  

i think – it’s a circuit.  Like electricity.  If you have a flow of electic power, that’s great, but it has to flow into something, it has to be received for the light bulb to go on.  

It takes a battery and a bulb...


In the same way, all this “giving” that we submissives want to do has to be received somewhere.   Someone has to be aware of it and value it, or we’re left lonesome and unfullfilled, longing to give more.

So the “receiving” the Dominant does is a gift in itself, the complement of giving.  Even if we call it “taking,” it’s still a gift, the other half of  the equation.   It’s not a passive thing.  They actively receive – accept – are aware of and value – what we have to give.  So when Sir says to me, “This thing you’re doing is a gift,” the circuit is complete.  My light bulb goes on.  {Laughing} So to speak…


Dominants also give of themselves.  They aren’t just receptors of submissive gifts.  You know, when i say it that way, it’s just obvious, isn’t it?  Of course they give of themselves too. 

When Sir D binds me with rope, or sets me on fire, those are such amazing skills that it’s clearly “gift.”  His talent and the abilities He’s developed are showcased.    And it’s a circuit too.  His gifts also need to be actively received.  i can do that by telling Him how much i like the experience.  i also do it (i think) by being present to Him in the moment. 

Hmmm.  i meant “present” as in “there,” “at hand,” “available,” not like in “gift.”  Interesting though, isn’t it?  The words we use.  Because being present – in the moment – to someone is also gift.  And when Sir and i play in public, we are each present to the other.

But, back to Dom’s – even beyond the ropes and fires and flash, Sir D’s dominance is gift.    Not just His willingness to be aware of me and my needs.  His self-awareness – because without that, how would He know what He wants from me?   His own – i don’t want to sound too dramatic, but it’s true – His own honesty and integrity, His strength and compassion, His self-discipline and self-control  – you know, all of those things – make Him someone i can trust myself to.


If i’m not actively aware of that, if i’m not “receiving” too, then the lightbulb’s not going on. 

So.  {Smiles}  i’m never sure where i’m going til i get there – but here i am.

Dear Sir,

i am aware of You – just as i want to be seen, i see You.  And i value You. 

Thank you,


4 Responses to “Appreciation”

  1. Mick October 30, 2010 at 7:47 am #

    Certainly the Dom role takes a lot more work. planning. preparation. equipment. deferring gratification. all worth appreciating and valuing. Mick

  2. sin October 30, 2010 at 7:52 am #

    Very interesting post Aisha.

    I actually think that submission is a gift. Yes, i am submissive, I am a submissive person, but I can choose to act on my submissive desires or not and i can choose who to offer my submission to.

    It’s like if I had an extra ticket to something, a concert or a hockey game, I could choose to give it to someone, or to do nothing at all with it. Giving the concert ticket to someone would be a gift, but if they didn’t want it, if they would rather have the hockey ticket, it’s not much of a gift, especially since it requires effort on their part to use.

    I think dominance is clearly a gift that he gives me in return. He is a dominant person and would probably give that gift to someone if not to me. But he does give it to me and that’s his choice and a precious gift. A great deal of thought and effort goes into his dominance of me. And probably the same amount of thought and effort goes into my submission to him. It’s a balance, a reciprocity.

  3. slave alisha October 30, 2010 at 11:58 am #

    beautiful aisha. and i agree that the Doms/Masters should get appreciation as well. J

  4. aisha October 30, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    @mick – No doubt!

    @sin – Yes – i think we mostly agree – except i’m not sure it’s the submission itself that’s the gift. But maybe it’s just a matter of what words we use. For sure i agree that when that connection is made, the reciprical giving and receiving, it’s a gift.

    @alisha – thanks. 🙂


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