13 Nov

Wanton – i wrote the word for my title thinking “wanton woman,”  cause that’s how i feel sometimes.   You know, in our culture, the conventional belief tends to be that men want sex and women don’t, right?  Part of the beauty of the lifestyle is that we know better. 

Yesterday, JM, the amazing analyst, was asking me about the word “slut” – what that means.  He had read M & M Munch, Part IV, and you know, he likes to have me define these terms, which gets me started thinking.  But i was saying that “slut” means a woman who delights in sexual activity, and that it could be any kind of sexual activity, but maybe particularly the kind that we’re not supposed to want.  (See Sin’s post on sex with other men and whether or not you’d want to be blindfolded, right?)  

So then we talked some about gods and goddesses and how the patriarchal God of  the Judeo-Christian tradition had tried to kill Aphrodite…  but that’s a topic for another day.  Back to wanton. 

i went to the dictionary.   As a noun,  wanton is:  A sexually immodest or promiscuous woman  which is about what i expected.   (Remember too, this is the google dictionary – i’m too lazy this morning to go downstairs and get my big dictionary.)

As a verb:   1.  Play; frolic   2.  Behave in a sexually immodest or promiscuous way

As an adjective:   1.  sheer wanton vandalism (of a cruel or violent action)  Deliberate and unprovoked  or 2.  (esp. of a woman) Sexually immodest or promiscuous  or 3.  Growing profusely; luxuriant Lively; playful

And then i was fascinated by the different examples of usage:

  • piddle: waste time; spend one’s time idly or inefficiently
  • indulge in a carefree or voluptuous way of life
  • spend wastefully; “wanton one’s money away”
  • luxuriate: become extravagant; indulge (oneself) luxuriously
  • engage in amorous play
  • motiveless: occurring without motivation or provocation; “motiveless malignity”; “unprovoked and dastardly attack”- F.D.Roosevelt
  • behave extremely cruelly and brutally
  • lewd or lascivious woman
  • easy: casual and unrestrained in sexual behavior; “her easy virtue”; “he was told to avoid loose (or light) women”; “wanton behavior”
  • A pampered or coddled person; An overly playful person; A self-indulgent person, fond of excess; A lewd or immoral person, especially a prostitute; To act wantonly; become wanton; To waste or squander, especially in pleasure (often with away); Undisciplined, unruly; not able to be controlled …

Ok, i didn’t post all the usages, this is a kinky sex blog, right?  But i’m fascinated – it seems like there are three types of meaning.   One of them connects “wanton” with women who like sex.  One of them links  with excessive pleasure and being out of control.  And the third meaning involves brutality, cruelty.   i don’t know what to make of that – maybe nothing, right?  But still.  Interesting.  (Well, to me anyhow.)

But {laughing} that’s not why i started down this wanton path…    i was feeling kind of wanton –  in the “sexually immodest” way i guess, and delighted with the idea that i can say so here.  We – women – spend so much of our lives learning that it’s not ok to be this way – at least my generation did.  

“This way” being – lustful.  Wanting. 

I’ve only read one of the “Gor” series, you know, about slaves and sex and so on.  But i vividly remember one scene.  (Ok, i may have read that particular book more than once…)  Anyhow.

In the scene, it’s her first day on Gor and she’s been sexually taken several times in several ways.  It’s become clear to her that she’s there to be used for their (the men’s) satisfaction and that there’s no escape.  That night, she’s chained in her tent.  The book goes on to say that this is not done to keep her from escaping, because they’re in this desert like land and there’s nowhere for her to go.    No, she’s chained to keep her from “bothering” any of the men that night when she realizes how sexually aroused and needy she really is. 

For me, those few sentences are as hot as Story of O, when she’s chained in bed the first night, her hands attached to her collar, and she talks about “her burning lips” being “forbidden to her,” adding, “and perhaps they’re burning because she’s open to the first comer, to the valet Pierre if he cares to enter her.”  


(The quotes are from memory – they may be off.  But not by a whole lot.)

There’s an intensity to this lust that almost scares me.  No wonder there’s some convential wisdom that women need to be contained and controlled.   Being kind of Catholic myself, i know that the Catholic church works pretty hard at making sure the men are in control – and that women’s sexuality is on a tight leash.   {Laughing}  Not the same kind of leash that Mick was on at the play party…

So i was thinking about Aphrodite, or Venus, and how she represents love and passion and female sexuality (maybe all sexuality?  i don’t know…)  And i found these images.  i include them here because they give me a sense of the power of this goddess.  Which is why all the patricarcy in the world can’t kill her.


Aphrodite rising from the sea


Her pose seems to always be sensual and suggestive of sexuality


And i bet there's some "wanton" behavior about to happen here!

7 Responses to “Wanton”

  1. Mick November 13, 2010 at 6:45 am #

    I never knew you could use wanton as a verb!!!

    Yeah, the Catholic Church, from the beginning seems to have had a strange thing about sexuality. Wonder where that started and why.

  2. sin November 13, 2010 at 7:33 am #

    Very thought provoking as usuaul Aisha.

  3. aisha November 13, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

    @Sin Thanks!

    @mick I didn’t know it ocould be a verb either!

    As for the church thing – I really do think it’s connected to the last efforts to get rid of pagan goddesses – and gods, but even more so goddesses or any remnant of power in women. Hence the witch burning in the early centuries and so on…

    And yeah, I could do a whole thing on that, but I won’t!


  4. Mira November 14, 2010 at 5:24 am #

    To waste or squander, especially in pleasure (often with away); Undisciplined, unruly; not able to be controlled … That is pretty much the way I have always thought of it.

    I would never have connected it to being a pampered or coddled person.

    • aisha November 14, 2010 at 5:28 am #

      Hi, Mira – thanks for commenting!

      No, I never thought of it that way either. Words are interesting, aren’t they?


  5. nilla November 14, 2010 at 1:26 pm #

    First, i love this post. Love the deep thinking you do. Love the enlightenment you shine on us as readers.

    Second, i think especially with the Aphrodite pix, that the images portray that her sensuality is part of her wholeness of being, if you grok what i am saying…that it is inherently part of who, of what she is….

    thre was this thing in NYC i think last year or maybe the year before, an ad campaign perhaps (too lazy to google it now) showcasing large women in undies…saying “I AM BEAUTIFuL or was it SEXY”

    and those that did it, got positive responses from viewers, saying they too believed in the girls sexuality…no matter that they weren’t size 2 models…they also had girls up there who *didn’t* believe it, and their pics were univerally thumbs downed by viewers.

    i think it ties obliquely to the “wanton” theme, and what i was trying to say above, that if we *believe* that sensuality, sexiness is inherent in us, then we are “wanton” (gods i know for certain *i* am!!!!), sexy, sexual women.

    and i’m okay with that.


  6. aisha November 14, 2010 at 8:02 pm #

    @Nilla – Yes. Just “yes” to everything you said. Is this the ad you were talking about?


    I loved that ad! {Saw it on-line somewhere…}



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