Just Some Thoughts…

14 Nov

i miss His touch.  i ache for it already.  His hands on my thigh, on my ass.  His hand pushing between my legs, making me gasp.  His hand penetrating, exploring.  Making me moan.   i miss His touch already.

i ran into the corner of a table Friday, and have a scrape and a bruise on my thigh to show for it.   i look at it, with no satisfaction of course, and i can hear Him saying, “You bruise easy!”   i think of the bruise on my thigh that was from Him, and how different that made me feel when i looked at it.

i am doing ok – Sir and i talked last night, and for a few minutes we used the “face time” on our iphones (mine is brand new, and i’m very excited about it.)  With “face time” we actually see each other while we’re talking (i didn’t even know that was a feature!)   It was terrific.    It didn’t hold the connection real long – i don’t know why – but it was sweet while it lasted.

i was reading “A Submissive Owner’s Manual” on Sin’s blog that she persistently tracked down and re-posted  from a blog that’s no longer around.  It’s addressed to Doms and Masters and describes what we subs need and want.  It was very moving, and parts of it turned me on.  (Don’t ask me why.  i don’t exactly know.) 

i started to say that not all of it expresses how i feel, but then i went back and looked at it again.  Really, i don’t want it to express what i feel.  And of course not every detail does.  But i feel the truth in more of it than i’d like to admit.    

Safety.  Acceptance.  Approval.  Forgiveness when i make mistakes.  Those are basic relationship things.  But then it heats up.  Limits.  Consistency.  Goals.  “i want you to teach me.”   “Be my role model.”  “Correct me when i need it – and you decide when i need it.” 

It sounds like a heavy burden for any Dom.  And maybe not realistic.  i don’t know. 

It turns me on when i read it.  Physically, i mean – i get wet, my pussy gets hot, i shiver with pleasure.  

i’m uncomfortable that i feel that way.  i’m used to being the one who leads in so many ways.  The one who accepts and protects and corrects.  The times that i’ve let go of that self-directedness have not all been great successes, although {laughing} i’ve learned a lot about what NOT to do.   And maybe that is success.

Enough – i need to stop before i get lost in wondering; i need to pull myself back to what is.   My relationship with my Sir will be created between us.

My Sir is a good person.  A good man.  A good Dom.  i trust His leadership.  i feel safe with Him.  i don’t know how deeply submissive i may end up being, or in what ways He will want me to be.  And that’s ok. 

On fb yesterday, a friend of mine sent me this link:  http://www.questioningtransphobia.com/  It’s addressed to transgendered people, but as i read it, i kept thinking how much of it the rest of us need to hear too.   One part in particular struck me:

“Whatever there is in you that tells you that you are not worth loving, not worth living, not worth fighting for: burn it. Burn it down and dig for the truth underneath.”

i think i’ve been working on that for a long time.  Generally, i do ok with it.  But the struggle to live it more fully, more deeply doesn’t end.

*********************************************

Happy Birthday to Mick!

Hope you have a wonderful day

and get all the pleasures

that good submissives enjoy!!!

(I see birthday spankings in your future…)

Happy Anniversary to your blog too!!!  Please don’t stop now…  🙂 

One Response to “Just Some Thoughts…”

  1. strivingforpeace November 14, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    Glad you two got some face time

    hugs

    sfp

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