Adult Toys

15 Nov

i miss touching Him.  i’d like to rub His back, and then scratch His back, with my nails.  Up – over – down just a little – no, back up…  i’d like to lay my hands on His chest and gently stroke Him.  i miss feeling His body, watching Him respond to my touch. 

Not in a melancholy way though, just in a pleasant “i’ll get to do that again someday” kind of way…


i almost didn’t post the rest of this piece – i started out planning to tell the a funny, upbeat story, and now that i’ve gotten through the necessary background,  it’s time for me to start getting ready for work.   Having made a serious committment to myself not to go rushing in right at 9:00 any more, i need to exercise some self-discipline – starting now.  


i was reading Sfp’s post and looking at the picture of the contents of her toybox.  i think i need to go to the toy store sometime soon – i actually only have one toy in my toybox.  It’s useful, and it works, but i know now how many other exciting possiblities there are.

Back when i bought the toy i have, it was my first – um, actually my only – trip to an “Adult bookstore.”  i’d driven by it a bunch of times, looked at the mannequins in the window in their corsets and maid outfits.  And i’d owned a couple of toys.

The first one, a man i had a LTR with gave to me.  i was quite thrilled.  This was back in my vanilla days, before i had a clue about the BDSM world or that submission could be a reality.   It was a vibrator, flesh colored, that actually – don’t laugh – looked a lot like his private parts.

i liked that one soooo much.  Of course, it was my first.  There’s a lot to be said for that.  But – it disappeared.  By the time he and i split up, i didn’t have much libido left anyhow, so it was a while after he moved out before i even looked for it.  i could never find it.  i hate to think he took it – but really… 

So at that point in my life (don’t laugh) i could no more imagine going to a toy store and buying one myself than – going to a dungeon for public play.  Even though i had begun to dabble in talking about D/s, i was still pretty shy of any open kink.  (hard to imagine, isn’t it?)

So i met this man on a phone chat line (i know, i wouldn’t go to an adult toy store, but i met a Dom from a phone chat line.  Crazy.)  His name was Michael, and he was really nice.  We went out a few times, and talked a lot about playing, but never actually did.  However, before we knew that we weren’t ever going to actually play, i told him about the loss of my toy, and my reluctance to go buy one myself.  He offered to buy one for me.

Gratefully, i accepted.

He bought me a fancy one, with some bells and whistles i hadn’t even known were possiblities.  It was shaped differently, more straight instead of curved, more narrow, than my first one, and it was bright blue. 

Here’s a picture of one like it:


I think it was like this one...


i appreciated it, and used it, but it never really replaced that first one.  (i know, you would think that would have driven me to go to the toy store myself, wouldn’t you?  But not back then.)

Then – it disappeared.  Truly.  It was there, in my drawer, one day, and a couple of days later, it was gone.   i always wondered – there were a couple of teenage girls who used to help me clean at that time, and i always wondered if they’d had something to do with the disappearance.  But it’s not the kind of thing you can ask. 

Can you imagine?  Me to a 17 and 18 year old:  “Excuse me, you didn’t happen to look in my drawer while you were cleaning last week and find my vibrating dildo?  O, you did?  Well, could you bring it back, please?” 

That’s ridiculous. 

Of course, more likely they would have looked at me in shock – or amusement.  i can’t imagine what they’d have said.  “What?  You have a vibrating dildo?  You think we took yours?”    Ridiculous.

Anyhow, it doesn’t matter, i never asked them of course, it was never really an option.  

And maybe they didn’t have anything to do with it.  i don’t know.  But it was in my drawer and the next time i went to use it, it was gone, and they were the only people who’d been in the house inbetween.

Then i got married and really, i didn’t need one for a couple of years.  (Is this TMI?)   But my husband bought me one.

It looked – um, kind of like him.  So {laughing} i won’t describe it.  It was less fancy, which was what i’d asked for, and i liked it, even though i didn’t need it. 

Actually, i don’t know where that one ended up either.  i’d forgotten about it til just now.  By the time i did need it, my libido was pretty much gone again anyhow 

And then later, i didn’t want anything that intimate that would have reminded me of him.


That’s funny, talking about this has kind of blues’ed me out.  That wasn’t the point…   

And here’s where i realized that  the story of my trip to the toy store myself will have to wait til tomorrow.   At this point, i can’t imagine that it’s very interesting to anyone but me anyhow…  but i’d love to hear other people’s stories about how they first got stuff for their toy box. 

23 Responses to “Adult Toys”

  1. nilla November 15, 2010 at 6:23 am #

    isn’t it funny when you start out writing one thing and then something else (something necessary?) pours out?

    “My first Toy” could be a good story. Yours certainly was. Poignant, as so many looks towards the past can be. And yet, sweet, too.

    i bought mine online. i *am* still too scared to go to an adult toy store. Thank goodness for discreet shipping, and pop up boxes that say when the package will arrive so spouses won’t know you got one.


    i have 3 toys, btw.

  2. aisha November 15, 2010 at 6:41 am #

    @Nilla – Yeah.

    And see – the idea of buying it on line freaked me out – cause I thought about that – the whole brown papper wrapper thing was weird. And I though I’d be leaving this huge “paper trail” to my self…

    Man, that was a long time ago…

    Thanks for the support!


  3. strivingforpeace November 15, 2010 at 7:56 am #

    Awww — didn’t mean to bring on the blues.

    Perhaps they have one with a chain — like those wallets that the tough kids wear that connect the wallet to their belt?

    At least I’m not showing you guys the graveyard of dead toys — I have a box of those that need to go to the dumpster. (a small box)


  4. aisha November 15, 2010 at 8:02 am #

    @Sfp – Yea, but you totally cracked me up with the idea of one with a chain! I like that idea…

    I’d actually kinda like to see your graveyard of dead toys… lol. At least you’ll get to bury them, and won’t be left wondering if one or two might turn up someday when least expected, right?



  5. Donna November 15, 2010 at 9:21 am #

    Hmm…I thought everyone had all sorts of toys stored in shoe boxes and boot boxes under the bed. Living in a wheelchair has inspired a certain creative spirit when it comes to sexual things and being kinky and in a wheelchair has only enhanced that. Our toys usually come through the mail although we have been to adult stores. Every holiday/birthday/celebration is an occasion to choose something new to add to the ‘special’ movie collection, costume box or toy box. We have a gift we open in front of family, and then later a gift waiting on the bed.

    It seems as though you may need to get one of those etching things and put your name and phone number on your toys. lol You might try the shoebox under the bed for a home for your toys. It is more secure and keeps them handy, too. 😀

    • aisha November 15, 2010 at 7:35 pm #

      @ Donna – I love the idea of a separate birthday/holiday present! As well as the idea of a movie/ costume collection. Other than my belly dance stuff, I don’t have costumes. Or movies. I do have a few books… but not nearly as many as i could have!

      Nice to think of the creatively kinky ideas you come up with…

      Etching tool sounds like a good idea too! I think I used to not do the shoebox under the bed thing because I was afraid one of my girls – who were young adults at the time – would be looking for something and find it. Or something. I don’t know… Now I have a box hidden next to the bed. Well, all it has in it is a couple of book and my one toy. Which, now that I think about it is kind of sad…


  6. slave alisha November 15, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

    I don’t have an extensive toy collection, but I’m working on it. One of the best things I’ve EVER had is this mini vibrator thing. (I’ll actually be posting the review on the site soon) omg, that thing has this vibration that is out of this world. lol But other than that, I have a dildo I hate (it’s super flimsy and floppy and well…. just…NO. i have a vibrator that is broken and doesn’t vibrate anymore. (i think I broke it, lol) a couple of butt plugs I don’t use on my own, and i think that’s it. There are several i WANT to try, lol…

    My first time in an adult store was a very nervewracking experience. It was with oasis when he came to meet me for the first time. I am REALLY shy in situations like that. He made me ask the salesgirl all kinds of embarrassing questions, (fortunately she was awesome and didn’t make me want to die of humiliation…much) and He tried out the paddles and floggers there in the middle of the store on my ass and thighs and breasts in front of everyone… It COULD have been a great experience if His intention had not been to simply embarrass me.

    • aisha November 15, 2010 at 7:42 pm #

      @alisha – I’ll have to go read your review and learn more about your mini-vibrator thing, since I’ve decided I’m in the market for more toys. (Sir D. has an extensive collection, but you know, they’re not mine…) Anyhow, the flimsy, floppy dildo cracks me up, but no, it doesn’t sound like much fun!

      Yikes – that must have been intense – I can’t imagine. P, the Dom I knew before Sir D, used to threaten/promise to take me to an adult store and do all kind of things, but I think it was always just a head game. Which was fine!

      Thanks for sharing your story.



  7. nilla November 15, 2010 at 12:47 pm #

    @slave alisha

    okay, i cannot believe i am actually going to tell the world that i did this.

    my first dildo. i LOVE it, it’s girthy and feels so so so sogood.

    but it was floppy. verrah floppy, and yanno, when you’re in a groove and you push and it slides up yer belly it kinda deflates the mood.

    Now, i’m a crafty girl, and a handy-girl to boot. i have a great drill, and i found a dowel (a thin wooden rod) that was sturdy enough for the purpose, and a matching thickness drill bit.

    i slowly and carefully drilled out the center of the penis from teh base of the dildo up towards the tip. i then worked the wooden dowel up inside the hole. It was very tight, and it took awhile, but dang if it didn’t work. the dowel stopped just below the head of the cock, so i wouldn’t worry about pushing it up and through myself (i could only imagine the hysteria at the local er if that came to pass), and i do have a little stub that hangs out the bottom end (convenient for curling your finger around for a more stable grip) in case i ever need to remove the stick.

    now it’s still got a bit of flex, but not much, and it was a way cheaper fix than buying a new dildo.

    *blushing bright red at sharing this*

    • aisha November 15, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

      That’s an awesome story, ‘Nilla! I can just imagine it…

      But – I’m so confused – how come you and Alisha both ended up with floppy dildoes? {Giggles} I mean – are they that way on purpose? Do some women like them that way? Sorry, it makes no sense to me…

      But it sounds like a cheap remedy for the problem, and I’m glad you shared it, even if you are bright red!



  8. Donna November 15, 2010 at 3:45 pm #

    Hey Nilla, as long as you’re blushing anyway…my guy is quite handy so I was sharing with him your handy-dandy pseudo penile home improvement project and he suggested you put a dowel into the dildo that can by clamped into the jaws of the drill…and then use lots of lube. Talk about a buzz! I think he was joking but he seemed intrigued by the idea and just headed out to the garage. Eek!

    • aisha November 15, 2010 at 7:49 pm #

      {Laughing} that’s great… thanks for sharing that idea!

  9. Mick November 15, 2010 at 4:32 pm #

    ‘Nlla- maybe you could have your own handywoman reality show:” ‘Nilla’s Kinky Tool Time.”

    and Aisha – did those bells and whistles wake the neighbors?

    • aisha November 15, 2010 at 7:52 pm #

      @Mick – yes – ‘Nilla could have the show, and Donna’s guy could make a guest appearance sometime!

      LOL – no, fortunately I live in a house that’s not too close to the neighbors – neither the bells and whistles, or my own – um, enthusiastic vocalizations – have ever disturbed the neighbors. Well, not that they’ve mentioned anyway…



  10. nilla November 15, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    okay, since i’ve outed myself on the stick in the Stick story, i may as well confess that my neighbors are pretty close. My bedroom is under the eaves, old New England house, and my one window in the dormer looks out to my neighbors backyard.

    The neighbor that has two lovely dogs.

    This summer, i had one of *those* Orgasms. The kind that makes your toes curl up tight, your legs flop around like you’ve been zapped with a live wire….and i believe i must admit that i was keening just like some of those sluts in my stories…loud, ululating, high pitched, totally over the top.

    The dogs went NUTS.

    Barking, baying, standing at the fence. Their owners finally called them in and i could hear them talking saying what the fuck were they going so nuts about.


    well. Yeah.


    • aisha November 15, 2010 at 9:31 pm #

      OMG, ‘Nilla – lol – that’s hysterical!! Thanks!!


  11. sin November 15, 2010 at 9:38 pm #

    “To lose one toy Aisha, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”


  12. aisha November 15, 2010 at 9:44 pm #

    @Sin – No doubt! {Laughing} But –

    It’s not like I’ve moved or anything… by any reasonable logic, they’re still right here in the house somewhere. I certainly didn’t take them anywhere! But I looked everywhere – seriously, the first time, I about tore the house apart cause I still had my younger daughter living here and I was terrified that I’d misplaced it and she’d find it…

    So yeah – you’re right {stil laughing}, call me careless… or else my house has some kind of black hole where my old dildo shaped vibrators are gathered, hanging out and wallowing in lubricant.


  13. slave alisha November 16, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    okay now that I’ve stopped laughing, i can honestly say i have NO idea how i ended up with a floppy dildo, lol. Who would even MAKE a floppy dildo? If I wanted something that resembled my exes… clears throat… okay, i won’t go there. (wicked grin)

    All i know is that it said on the package that it had a “little bit of flexibility” and was supposed to feel real. And as you said once you get them home you can’t return them. (thank goodness for THAT no return policy…can you imagine? EEEK! anyway, i opened the package all happy and ready to try it… held it up and suddenly i was in flashback city as it flopped over.

    okay…so…. here I am hoping that maybe it’ll be REALLY realistic and maybe if I’m REALLY nice to it…it’ll GET harder? SIgh…. damn it. and it wasn’t cheap either. Someone in the dildo factory has some seriously strange ideas of what a woman wants… and floppy just ain’t it (wink)

    • aisha November 16, 2010 at 7:51 pm #

      Alisha – OMG, i’m with ‘Nilla – truly Laughing Out Loud. When you said:

      so…. here I am hoping that maybe it’ll be REALLY realistic and maybe if I’m REALLY nice to it…it’ll GET harder? SIgh

      I thought I was gonna die… you are too funny!!!!



  14. nilla November 16, 2010 at 1:11 pm #

    @ slave alisha…

    *wipes eyes*

    omg, OMG, i was laughing so fucking hard at this….

    *snickers* oboy, you’ve started me giggling again! i’m so glad i did my proofreading at my blog *BEFORE* i read this coz i am just going to be totally useless for the next hour as i laugh my butt off…



    • aisha November 16, 2010 at 7:52 pm #

      Yeah, “NIlla – I’m with you… Alisha killed me.

  15. slave alisha November 16, 2010 at 10:06 pm #

    🙂 luv you guys…

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