Reading Fetlife…and then

28 Nov

i was reading a discussion on fetlife last night – people describing how they create love, or something like that.  One of the responses referenced the five languages of love:  gifts, service, spending time, physical touch, and verbal touch (affirmation.I remember reading something about that concept before, but hadn’t given it much thought.  Last night, it interested me.

The person on fetlife suggested we consider which “languages” we most like to receive, which we’re most comfortable giving, and so on.  You know, i like those kinds of things – playing with categories, restructuring the way i think about something, even for a few minutes.  So i’ve been thinking about it.

I’m not sure which “language of love” i most like to hear.   Don’t misunderstand – i like all kinds.  “Gifts” is probably last on my list, although i do like getting presents.  And i understand that sometimes they’re a person’s best way of saying “I love you.”  But – like the last Christmas I was married, B, my 2nd husband, gave me a bunch of really nice presents.  Pearls, and a fancy camera, and a plush, infinitely warm, cranberry colored robe, and a bunch of other stuff too.  

But i knew they were guilt gifts, meant to distract me from commenting on the intense affair he was having with alcohol.  So it was hard to really feel good about it.  i didn’t give them back or anything though, i still have them, even though i only wore the neckace and earrings once.  i’m not really a pearls kind of gal.  (Ok, no puns or double entendres intended there.) 

On the other hand, one day, back when i was a senior in high school, i was in this donut shop where i used to hang out.  i got to talking to a young man who’d just gotten out of a mental hospital.  We talked for a long time, and he ended up giving me a painting he’d done when he was in the hospital.   Seriously – i’m not making this up. It was – it was like a  finger painting done with oils.  Very strange.  It wasn’t well done, or even asthetically pleasing.

But i kept it, up in my closet, for at least 10 years, maybe 15 years.  i remember i still had it after i got married the first time.  Every time i’d start to throw it away, i’d remember his face, and i just couldn’t do it.   i still remember his face, even now, so i guess it was ok to get rid of the painting.

i like giving gifts, but it’s not my strong suit.  i hate shopping, and have a limited tolerance for it, so my gift giving tends to be erratic.  Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it misses the mark.   i’ll write you a poem or tell you a story in a heartbeat though.  And i like to give gifts connected with spending time together.  Gift certificates for dinners, or plays, or even movies. 

My nephew, one of his Xmas gifts was always a shopping trip with Aunt Aisha with a “gift certificate” for a few bucks and lunch.   When he was little, he loved it; he’d always carefully bring the certificate (which i’d made) with him, and show it to me, like i really needed to see that he had it.  Then, after he’d bought his pokeman stuff, or game boy game, or whatever, we’d go have McDonald’s, a sacrifice on my part that he appreciated.  He’s 16 now, and not so thrilled with a few bucks or hanging out with Aunt Aisha as he used to be, although he still humors me sometimes.

So this is taking longer to write about than i thought it would, and it’s awfully vanilla too, isn’t it?  Maybe i’m just avoiding thinking about where i left myself before.   You know, on my knees, bent over, with Sir behind me.

You know, caught between fear and desire, as He traces the path from my pussy, dripping wet, steaming hot, to the tighter entrance.  The entrance that puckers more when He touches it.  A shiver runs through me, a spasm really, as if my whole body clenches and throbs.

i make a noise – a moan, a whimper, a plea?  His finger is still there, pressing lightly.  My heart races with excitement, and dread.

And then – His finger is still so wet from my pussy, it happens quite easily – He slides it inside me.  Just barely in, and He stops.  All of my mind is there – right there – on that tiny one inch invasion of my self.  Frozen, i wait,  expecting further assault.  Anticipating with fear, and longing.

And then – “Does that hurt?” He says.

His voice seems to come from far away.  i have to stop and think, my mind has lost its words.  At last –

“No, no, Sir.  It doesn’t hurt.” i say, realizing that of course it really doesn’t.

“Are you breathing?” He asks, and i hear a touch of laughter in His voice.  i stop and check myself – no! i don’t think i am breathing.  Or just barely. 

i start to breathe.  “i am now, Sir, thank you very much,” i say, and am surprised to hear a note of laughter in my voice too. 

And then His finger slides further in, and i gasp, omigosh…  Just that one finger, and it feels like all the world is centered there.  My body clenches again, my pussy is dripping, i may melt into a puddle of my own juices… and suddenly, i feel myself open to Him.

It’s the feeling i long for, the one that scares me.  As if everything in me is open to Him.  Like a flower blooming, i suppose.  Turned toward Him.  My body, my heart -both are totally open to Him.  In that moment, i belong to Him more intimately than ever before. 

He could do anything He wanted with me.  i know, maybe He always can, but right now i’m so aware of it, aware of my submission.  i’ve fallen deep into it; it’s like floating in a sea of submissiveness. 

Totally aware of my willingness to please Him.  My desire to please Him.  In that moment, that’s all there is.  Him, and me wanting to do whatever He wants.   Wanting Him to want me to do something – i don’t care what.

And then…

*******************************************************************

Five more days ’til i see my Sir again.  Just five more.

6 Responses to “Reading Fetlife…and then”

  1. thesubmissivebf November 28, 2010 at 6:50 am #

    I love the way you drift from buying gifts to being with Sir, it all seems very natural.

    • aisha November 28, 2010 at 7:14 am #

      Hi, Submissivebf –

      Thanks for reading, and for commenting! I appreciate the feedback/ kind words. Stop in any time…

      aisha

  2. Mick and Molly November 28, 2010 at 7:32 am #

    It’s been a long wait…. but you are getting there… Mick

    • aisha November 28, 2010 at 7:42 am #

      Mick – not sure if you’re referring to my “and then” story or the 5 more days! Guess it’s true of both of them…. 🙂

      aisha

  3. strivingforpeace November 28, 2010 at 9:43 am #

    Golly

    You just made me want something I don’t even like

    wow

    sfp

    • aisha November 28, 2010 at 11:27 am #

      O, that’s cool! Of course, I don’t exactly “like” it either, maybe that has something to do with it….

      aisha

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