The Feeling

30 Jan

i have lost the feeling of submission.  The deep down letting go that sets me free. 

i don’t remember the rush of heat between my legs when He says “Come here.”   i’ve lost the shivering that runs through my spine when He says, “Bend over.”    Can’t hear the whistle of His belt whipping through the loops as He pulls it off.

Gone is the thrill of nipples pinched tight that made me catch my breath, made me whimper.  Can’t feel His mouth on my breast, that hot, moist pleasure has faded far away.

The taste of His cock no longer lingers with me.  The hours spent on my knees in worship have slipped away.  i don’t feel the call to kneel, to explore, to caress the length of His shaft.  No desire to lick and suck, to swirl my tongue in the way best designed to elicit His moans of pleasure – that has left me too.

My pussy is not aching to be filled.  Left unattended, she has decided not to yearn – not to crave the touch of His fingers, His cock, His mouth.  She scorns my own caresses, deems them weak substitutes and tells me not to bother.  A little offended, i withdraw too.  Fine.  Let the tension go unnoticed –

– til the tension becomes the norm.  i feel my body tense when i lie down – when i could be relaxing, my shoulders are tight, leg muscles taut – i make myself relax.  But i wake with my neck stiff and sore, back aching.  Hmmmm.  Not so relaxed, i guess.

But this is not a giant pity party – please don’t leave me comments with sympathy, even if you feel it.  Usually i appreciate your kind and gentle words, but not so much today.  Where i am today –

     – is exactly where i need to be. 

Well defended, for the moment. 

Because underneath, below the wall of sexual apathy, all the wants and needs simmer, quietly waiting for the spark that ignites them.  {laughing} And when the spark lands –

 

13 Responses to “The Feeling”

  1. Mick January 30, 2011 at 6:34 am #

    that does sound much better. need to clean the pallet for the next course…Mick

    • aisha January 30, 2011 at 7:33 am #

      Exactly, Mick. All I need is a little symbolic sorbet, right?

      Plus, thanks for commenting – after I posted, I hoped that it didn’t sound like I didn’t want comments, cause I do. Always!

      aisha

  2. nilla January 30, 2011 at 8:24 am #

    *BOOM*

    *smiling*

    i’ve never met anyone who understands themselves as well as you, aisha. i wish i had words to explain how much i admire that.

    “Comfortable in her own skin” is the popular saying. And you so very much are.

    That’s something to admire–and every bit as important as submission–that you are capable and caring and self-aware.

    and loved.

    nilla

    • aisha January 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

      Thank you, ‘Nilla. We’re all growing in that way though, aren’t we? I think a huge part of kink is increasing that self-awareness, accepting parts of ourselves that lots of people aren’t even willing to think about.

      Thanks for reflecting your perception to me – and thanks for the love you put out into the universe – it makes the world a better place!

      aisha

  3. yesthankyousir January 30, 2011 at 9:24 am #

    No sympathy or apathy here missus, just noting we are in the same boat. Feet hanging over the side, waiting …..

    • aisha January 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

      Yeah, just hanging out “kicking it” together…. We should be having tea – or cocktails – or something. {laughing}

      aisha

      • yesthankyousir January 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

        We could go French …. Fresh French bread and cheese some wine. I’m with you!! Actually let’s just load my picnic basket (: all of out favorites I’ll bring my violin and we can sing while were at it. Sirens of our own pond.

  4. strivingforpeace January 30, 2011 at 9:31 am #

    It’s like a huge pendulum — isn’t it?

    We swing in one big arch — back and forth

    and we’re higher than high

    and then we’re lower than low

    and as the pendulum loses momentum — we get a little rest as it settles motionless at the bottom.

    no sympathy here either my friend
    it’s just a much needed rest

    sfp

    • aisha January 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

      Yes. You’re right. I am just hanging, here at the bottom, me and yesthankyousir. Chilling. And it’s ok.

      love,

      aisha

  5. Donna January 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    Your words say no, the emotion coming through strongly says yes. I would suggest just a single scoop of the sorbet.

    • aisha January 30, 2011 at 7:29 pm #

      {laughing} Donna – you are entirely too astute for your own good. Or maybe that’s too astute for MY own good… But you might be right. Just one scoop. {still laughing}

      aisha

  6. aisha January 30, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

    @yesthankyousir -Yes!!! French bread, french wine, cheese – and apples or pears. And – you play violin? How cool! I can’t actually sing – maybe I’ll dance instead, or at least sway with the music, right?

    aisha

    • yesthankyousir January 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

      Swaying is good, All voices raised in joy are singing voices my sweet. 🙂 yes I play. Maybe when the boats a rocking the Doms’ll come a knocking lol. Meet you at the shore (I’ll try to hide the already empty bottle of wine) apples & pears …. Swoon a woman after my heart.

      andi

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