It’s All Fantasy (cont – Part II)

10 Feb

Thinking, thinking, thinking…  It almost distracts me from the fact that i’m standing here naked, in the corner, while He’s behind me somewhere.  Plotting diabolical things to do to me, no doubt. 

Frantically, i try to think of a “consequence” – He doesn’t do punishment, but He sure does “consequences.”   They’re supposed to indelibly print it in my brain that whatever it was i did was such a bad idea that i’ll never do it again. 

Of course, i’m still glowing from the unauthorized orgasm i had, so i’m torn between remorse and satisfaction.  Hard to think of “what needs to happen” to make sure i’ll never do it again…  There’s the obvious, orgasm denial for however long He would think was sufficient.  But that doesn’t seem like such a great idea to me.

A spanking is always good, but He might think i’d enjoy that too much.  And He’s right, unless He clearly makes it punishment, i probably would.  Maybe – nipple clamps?  i quickly, quickly discard that idea too.  That hurts tooooo much.  He rarely uses them, and i like it that way.

Then what?  O!  Writing lines!  That would be excellent!  i’ve never done that before.  It seems like a nice, old-fashioned kind of punishment.  i could write, “my cunt is not in charge,” a couple of hundred times.  Or even, “i will not cum without permission.”  Yes.  i could even add a “Sir.”  “…without permission, Sir.”  That’s a brilliant idea. 

But i better think of another one.  He likes to have a choice.  Of course, i could start out telling Him that just standing in the corner has been a severe consequence already.   Yes, that’s a good place to start.

And as i say that to myself, i realize that it really is.  i’ve been distracted by my thoughts, but actually – standing here in the corner with my face to the wall is pretty humiliating.  As i begin to be aware of it, my pussy clenches.  “Stop that,” i think – “Do you want to get us in trouble again?”  But i can’t help smiling…

OOOO!  His hand in my hair, my head yanked back, “Are you smiling?”  His voice is still low – and harsh.

“O, Sir,” i gasp.  My mouth is dry, heart racing.  i don’t know how He came up beside me like that, i didn’t even sense Him.   “No, Sir – not – um, not really, Sir.”  But of course i was, and i guess we both know it.

He releases my hair.  “Turn around,” He says.

i turn toward Him, anxious now.  “Sir?”

“Come here,” He says.  He sits in His chair, i stand in front of Him.  i expect Him to tell me to kneel, but He doesn’t, so i stand.   Somehow, it seems more vulnerable than kneeling, and i wish i were on my knees.

“Sir, may i kneel?”

But He shakes His head, slightly, but clearly,  He means No.  His gaze is steady, and i’m getting more uncomfortable.   “No,”  He says, “You’ve lost the right to kneel in front of me for now.”

And my heart aches at those words, more than if He’d smacked me.  “What?” i say, hoping i’ve misunderstood. 

“Sit if you want to,” He says.  “But I don’t want you kneeling in front of me.”

“But – Sir -” and now i want to kneel more than anything, feel bereft that i’m not allowed to.

“Go ahead and sit” He says. “We need to talk, i want your full attention.  Get your stool.”  So i do, i sit on my little step stool, my naked ass a little cool on the plastic, my legs a little awkwardly bent up in front of me.  i spread my knees apart, wanting Him to see that i’m open to Him.

“You know,” He says, “This is all symbolic, right?” 

i nod, yes, we’ve talked about this before, but i don’t know where He’s going now.

“Really,” He says, “I can’t – I don’t – force you to do anything, right?  If we have rules and agreements, they’re only as strong as my committment to enforce them and your willingness to accept them.  If I’m not willing to put my energy into enforcing them, they might as well not exist.  But if you’re not willing to submit to the structure, to the discipline, there’s no point in me putting energy into it.”

i am starting to feel – o – i’m starting to feel bad.  He’s right of course. 

He continues, “What were you smiling about?  The truth – no editing.”

i stammer, “i – um, i was smiling because i thought about, um, i thought about the orgasm i had, Sir, i did – and that made me smile, but i’m sorry now.  Really.”

“That’s what i thought,” He says, “that it suddenly seemed amusing that you had an orgasm without permission.”  He shrugs.  “And I guess we could say it’s not a big deal.  What’s one little orgasm, right?”

i can’t answer because now i’m beginning to understand… i shake my head – No.  No, it is a big deal.

“What is this about for you?” He asks.  He leans forward, grasps a nipple, squeezes hard.  “Is it just the thrill of physical pleasure, intensified by a little pain?  Is that all it is for you?”  He releases my breast.

No, no, Sir,” i say.  “It’s not just that.”  i’m leaning forward, longing to touch Him, but His posture makes it clear – this is not allowed.

“Then you need to think about this,” He says.  “You’re a very independent, self-sufficient woman.  And you’ve agreed to obey me.  I thought I knew what that meant to you, but I’m not so sure now.  Maybe you need to think about it.  In that context, within our relationship, what does it  mean if you cum without permission?   Are consequences even called for?  Why or why not?  And if so, what should the consequences be?” 

“Sir,” i say, and the words are flowing out – “Sir – yes, i do want to obey you, yes, i get it now, of course there shoud be consequences – omigod, Sir -” but He holds up a hand to stop me.

“No.” He says.  “I don’t want some impulsive ‘o, yes, You’re right’ response.  No.  I need to know that you really understand.  This is symbolic, and it’s real.”  He glances at His watch.  ‘It’s 3:00 now,” He says.  “We don’t have to be anywhere this evening, do we?”

“No, Sir.”

“Then I’m going to leave for a while.  I want you to think about it.  Write about it.  Contemplate on it.  I don’t want you to get dressed, I want you thinking about it naked.   Don’t worry about cooking, I’ll pick something up for dinner.   I’ll be back between 6 and 7.  We’ll talk about it then – what this dynamic means to you.  Is that clear?”

i nod, “Yes, Sir.” There are tears in my eyes, but i know He wants to hear it back.   “i’m not going to get dressed, i’ll stay naked and think about our relationship – the dominant/submissive dynamic.  What it means to me that i obey you.  i’ll write about it.  You’ll bring back something for dinner so i can concentrate on my task.”

He smiles then.  “Yes.  That’s right.”

And He leaves.  Leaves me sitting there on the stool, naked, with my legs pulled up under me.  Sitting there with tears in my eyes, thinking. 

7 Responses to “It’s All Fantasy (cont – Part II)”

  1. Mick February 10, 2011 at 6:53 am #

    Trying to think of a song that goes with “torn between remorse and satisfaction.”

    Probably not country. too subtle. Mick

  2. Mick February 10, 2011 at 7:04 am #

    • aisha February 10, 2011 at 7:08 am #

      I ❤ you Mick… You're the best. Hugs, aisha

  3. nilla February 10, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    wicked. fucking. awesome.

    i’ve said it before, and will again, i am sure…you *see* inside yourself with such clarity…

    and such depth.

    i love that about you.

    nilla

    • aisha February 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

      Thank you, ‘Nilla! i love you too! aisha

  4. Master of the Revels February 11, 2011 at 4:43 am #

    I like this series a lot. But I find they have a bit more edge than I am used to seeing from you…I detect an edge in him, that I don’t usually feel in you. And I am interested to see what you do with that; where you go with it. Every-now-and-then I catch an undertone of humor in him that I find reassuring, but still that edge is there. Maybe he is a bit more demanding than I am used to seeing from you. I find this all very sensual, very erotic. Of course that starts with your nakedness…but it seems to go beyond that…when he just watches you naked..it somehow feels you are particularly naked…Well done…Please continue in this series…I want to see where you go with it.

    • aisha February 11, 2011 at 7:52 am #

      @Master of the Revels –

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and to comment! I think you’re right – it feels a little edgier to me too. But you know, I never know where I’m going when I start out. I thought this was going to be about the paint stirrer, and when I got to this point yesterday, I had no idea where I was going to end up.

      Hope you like the rest of it – and thanks again for commenting!

      aisha

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