Happy Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

Warning:  Some of you may want to skip this post, since it explores some connections between kink and God, and i don’t want to offend anyone – although i think it’s spiritual in a good way. 

Yesterday at church, we had a priest who does our service once a month or so.  He had just come back from a trip to India with his meditation group, so his homily was about spiritual maturity, and ashrams, and the “cave of the heart.”   It was fascinating.

Apparently, ashrams have lots of different areas, with separate walls and gates.  As you go through them, you’ll see different groups and different images of God.  Lots of activity.  So you might pass a group that’s meditating, and another group that’s listening to a guru, and another group that’s dancing, and so on… 

But if you keep going through it all, and it’s always in the hardest to  reach space, but eventually you come to the – he called it some Indian word, but I don’t know how to write it and couldn’t find it on google – but you come to the innermost sanctum.  He said it’s completely dark there except for a candle that’s supposed to illuminate the true image of God. 

And we are like the ashrams.  Our inner sanctum is “the cave of our heart.”  And that is where we come face-to-face with the true God.  But there are all these other areas – all these distractions – before we can get there.

I loved that analogy – I was frigging taking notes so I didn’t forget it.  {If anyone reading this recognizes Joe’s homily, um, yeah, “hi – it’s me” – waving}

But he went on to talk about spiritual maturity and – the reading was on Jesus saying that part about not killing someone isn’t good enough, if you have anger in your heart you’ve already killed them, and the part that Jimmy Carter talked about way back in the day, about lusting in your heart being the same as adultery.  That reading always kind of annoyed me – I mean, really, thinking it is not the same as doing it.

But yesterday, Joe was saying that Jesus just meant that not acting on your anger wasn’t good enough, that the goal was to not be so angry that you wanted to kill someone.  And that kind of made sense.  Not so much that anger’s wrong – which i don’t agree with – but that the goal is to not even want to kill someone.   That spiritual maturity means not just refraining from the act but not nurturing the feeling that would lead to the act.

And it made me think about what we bloggers so often talk about.  It seems like – and tell me if i’m wrong – it seems like there’s a standard that says it’s not enough to obey your Sir or Master, it needs to be done with the right attitude.    Whether it’s just with attention and care, or enthusiasm, or with difficulty overcoming some reluctance, how we think about it is as important as what we do.

Finally, Joe said, if i understood him right – following the rules, and right thinking and acts of service aren’t enough either.  Finally we need a personal experience of God.  And that can happen with other people, and it can happen “in the cave of our heart.”  But that’s the goal – making the journey to our own inner sanctum.

Which brings me back to this idea i toy with from time to time – that  there are parallels between spirituality and BDSM that i’ve only begun to explore.  i think – heavy emphasis on think – that somehow in the lifestyle we are finding ways to embody God that are as intense and powerful as the pleasure and the pain that we experience.

There are lots of other things that remind me of the parallel.  For example, the lists of rules that make up some dynamics remind me of the rules that Catholicism once held so dear – not eating fish on Friday, for example.  A rule that had no meaning by itself, but was meant to be a reminder of our relationship with God. 

Anyhow.  i think that if we practice our kink with love, that the spiritual connectedness happens too.  And if we experience spiritual connection with each other, and with our own hearts, then we have found God for real.

But that’s just my theory.   For what it’s worth.

On a lighter note, here’s a quote i used on fb a couple of days ago {with apologies to anyone who’s already seen it}

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” ~~Dr. Seuss




15 Responses to “Happy Valentine’s Day”

  1. thesubmissivebf February 14, 2011 at 6:21 am #

    Great quote!

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 6:51 am #

      Thanks – glad you liked it – hope you have a great day!

  2. Mick February 14, 2011 at 6:47 am #

    that ashram sounded a little bit like your local dungeon. did you make that connection… all the rooms…. the different activities, etc.

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 6:52 am #

      Omigosh, Mick – you’re sooo right. I had missed that (admittedly strange) connection. Cool.


  3. yesthankyousir February 14, 2011 at 8:15 am #

    I love the quote and your post (glad I didn’t skip it) lots to think about for sure. Feeling in synch with the spirituality/serving link.

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

      Thanks! Yeah, it’s pretty clear, isn’t it – that link? I’m glad you didn’t skip it too!


  4. sin February 14, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    I often see a link between spirituality and BDSM. I think that I might not have earlier in my life when I wasn’t really looking for either of those things.

    So yeah, there’s how you submit, and really whether you submit at all.

    thanks Aisha

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

      Nice to know that you see it too, Sin. Yeah, I think maybe it’s a mature thing – at least it has been for me.


  5. greengirl February 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    I love your thoughts on this, as i did your post awhile ago about worship. I grew up with the flavor of Catholicism that emphasized studying, thinking and learning and then following our own consciences. There is nothing about ttwd that causes me moral discomfort, or even tweaks my conscience. If fact, it is about loving and connecting, and raising people up, and learning ourselves, and being true to ourselves. All part of God’s call to us – as i hear it.

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 8:03 pm #

      O, that’s so cool, GG! I got the same flavor of Catholicism growing up – and still get that at my church. No, it doesn’t seem like a conflict at all to me either – and yes. I totally agree! Isn’t that cool?


  6. Donna February 14, 2011 at 3:49 pm #

    This is beautiful. There is a connection to the essence of who we are in BDSM that asks more of us than traditional vanilla- missionary position/organ recital sex. In BDSM each party has actual responsibilities to the others, responsibilities having to do with honest reactions and the honoring of who we are and what we need. By doing that we are creating a perfect circle that becomes a perfect spiral as it continues through time.

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

      Thanks, Donna, for sharing your perspective. I love the image of the perfect circle becoming a perfect spiral…
      Yes, yes, yes.

      And of course you minored in philosophy!!!



  7. Donna February 14, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

    Yes, I do have a minor in philosophy, why do you ask?

  8. kellyred February 14, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    I find parallels between D/s and spirituality all the time. In most of the different forms of religion I’ve looked at, the intention of the act or practice is the key, just as the intention of the act or practice of submission is the nugget in the kinky candy bar. For me personally, the way one submits in life, to your big D or M is the same as Christians being called to submit to Christ. Makes for some interesting inner imagery and dialog, when I’m in church on Sunday. I’m not sure my pastor would appreciate it, but that doesn’t make it any less true or valid. Even W, who is not usually a philosopher, has made mention of some of those same parallels.

    • aisha February 14, 2011 at 8:40 pm #

      I love that, Kelly. I think you’re right about the analogy to Christians and Christ. I’m not sure I understand it – I understand our part of it better than the Dom part though. Yeah, I hear what you’re saying about thoughts in church – me too.

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Cool that William’s aware of it too!


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