Here We Go

15 Feb

There are lots of things i could write about this morning. 

Anger.   All kinds of things i’ve been thinking about anger.

My relationshp with food – which is not so good these days, by the way.  Have been eating compulsively, and haven’t been able to figure out why or to stop it.  Very frustrating.  Actually, on the food topic, i read a terrific article the other day about eating.

And bought a book {at the grocery} called Women Food and God:  An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything, which looks really good, even though I haven’t started it yet.  {Just owning it is really enough, right?  Um, no?  Ok, fine…}

So i’ve been trying to practice the things the article suggests about eating food that makes me feel good afterwards, which, once you say it, makes perfect sense, rather than just eating anything that tastes good.  It’s funny that i can think i’m all “in touch with my body, mindful, and so on” and still have this huge blind spot.

I could talk about my blogger friend’s Sir, Sir R, who really is becoming  a mentor to me.  What a pleasant relationship that is!  {i know what you’re thinking, Sin, but really, i think he’s just being a nice person.}

But here’s the thing.  i’ve been talking to BR a lot.  A lot. 

And i want to meet him.  When i’m not mad at him, i want to meet him a lot.  And i’m not really mad at him all that much.

So i’m going to Where-He-Lives, not this weekend, but next weekend.  He’s defraying the financial cost.   My sister’s here for my Mom while i’m gone – and really, it’s just a weekend.  i’ve even got a safe call person near Where-He-Lives, and of course, my sister and/or daughter will be glad to check on me.  

And the deal is, if i meet him and decide i don’t wanna, he leaves.   i don’t think it gets any better, or any safer, than that. 

i’m excited.  Scared, but not in a “i think he’s psycho killer” way.  Scared in an excited way.  If you know what i mean.  i’m trying not to make this any more high pressure than it needs to be.  No more talking about him maybe being “the One.”   Cause as he pointed out, that’s a lot of pressure for him.  {No joke!  Sheesh}

 i’m trying to just breathe.  Trying to flow with the experience.  Regardless of where it goes, or doesn’t go, it’ll be a great adventure.



5 Responses to “Here We Go”

  1. Mick February 15, 2011 at 6:01 am #

    good first step, Aisha….we will be in our SW hideaway that weekend. If it’s anywhere nearby we’ll come rescue, should a rescue be needed. But I suspect not.

  2. hidden slave February 15, 2011 at 7:18 am #

    Am liking all the “safe call” options aisha…exciting time:)

  3. nilla February 15, 2011 at 8:15 am #

    i know i’ll be “whapped” for this…but it sounds like you’ve laid out your safety net carefully….and really…some of this lifestyle choice…it is about …taking that leap.

    i did it.

    and maybe i was terribly naive, foolish, stoopid even….but——

    it became my greatest blessing.

    (and i am not into deception,so i guess i figured He wasn’t either…)

    All life involves risk. Deciding to cross the street. To turn left instead of right.

    if we don’t at some point take the dare, challenge ourselves….(imho) …what is the point of drawing breath?


  4. sin February 15, 2011 at 5:46 pm #

    Obviously you think he’s a decent guy and you don’t think he’s a psycho killer but there’s no point in taking needless risks. Go and meet him but be safe while you do it. It’s very easy to tell people where you are. Say you are going on a date with a man you met online. That’s not hard, lots of people do that now.

    You wouldn’t create a situation were you were alone and unprotected with any other man you don’t know and trust, why on earth would this be any different?

    Nilla wasn’t safe. She was lucky. No one knew where she was and she could have been killed or raped or roughed up. And not in a good way. Be safe.

  5. aisha February 15, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    @Mick – Thanks! We won’t actually be near your SW hideaway, but I appreciate the thought!

    @hiddenslave – Yep. Being careful – thanks!

    @Nilla – exactly. Time to do something. Thanks!

    @Sin – Yes – No – you’re right – and I’m already there! Honest! Plenty of plans for telling people where i’m gonna be, and safe calls – people at home, and my blogger friend, and you’re right. Have already started talking about him. Nothing secret on my end of it. I don’t meet anyone without people knowing who and where. Thanks for being concerned – really.



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