Getting Ready?

17 Feb

We’ve been IM’ing and talking and texting – it feels like all the time. And i love it. It’s nice to wake up in the morning knowing there’s an e-mail from him. IM for a little bit before i get ready for work. To tell him good night last thing before bed.

We talk about our day and our lives, and we talk about what we’re going to do or not do when we meet. We talk a lot about that.

He spends a lot of time calming my anxiety. i’m not anxious because he’s not trustworthy – i’m anxious because that’s how i am. Back when i was seeing FS (First Sir) – he’d call and he might say he’d be over in an hour. Well, i’d go into a little panic, rushing around trying to make sure everything was ready. You know, especially me – making sure i was ready.

Silly, for real. Maybe that’s just what i do with that rush of excitement – turn it into anxiety. i don’t know. Granted, i’ve got more reason to be nervous, a little hesitant now.

No matter how much we talk, i don’t think either one of us can know what it’s gonna be like. In my heart, i know it’s going to be fine – one way or the other. Either we’ll have a wonderful weekend together or i’ll have a nice weekend away from home.

That’s my “wise mind” speaking there – but my “emotional mind” is more into drama. Omg, omg stuff. And honestly – that might be kind of fun too. After all, if i’m going away for a weekend to meet a stranger, planning on engaging in intimate activities with him – then i get to be nervous. It is a big deal.

So he calms me down – and then he stirs me up again. {laughing} Really. That’s how it works.

The things i’m afraid of are all in my own head. And really? They’re mostly not about him. They’re mostly about me.

i’m still trying to sort through it all. And –

– still trying to be open. Not just to the universe, but specifically –

– open to him, open to myself.

– Open to possibility.

 

5 Responses to “Getting Ready?”

  1. Mick February 17, 2011 at 7:54 am #

    the calm before the stir….

    • aisha February 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

      Mick – I laughed every time I thought about you saying this today! “the calm before the stir…” just makes me giggle. Thanks!

      aisha

  2. greengirl February 17, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    aisha – there is risk in everything, and there is risk in doing nothing, and life is meant to be an adventure, we’re not meant to be foolish – we have brains for a reason, but we’re not meant to hide our light from the world either. (Sounds like i have all the answers – huh? – not so much really)

    Now it’s me excited for you. Enjoy!

    • aisha February 17, 2011 at 8:41 pm #

      I know. You’re right. Really, i knew that. Did i sound whiny? Didn’t mean to…

      Just bought the plane ticket… so here goes nothing!

      Thanks for the support and the enthusiasm!

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. thesubmissivebf February 18, 2011 at 7:26 am #

    Jump in with both feet and enjoy the stir.

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