11 Mar

i feel tension in my body every minute of the day, unless i become aware of it and relax.  Which is “normal” i suppose, but sometimes more than others.  i’m intensely aware of it now,  particularly in my face.  As if a frown has settled into me, and i have to conciously work to erase it.

Still feeling kind of angst-y – and sick of it. 

Oatmeal Girl  posted a beautiful piece from youtube about unions, which i re-posted on my fb page.  It reminded me of this, which i posted too:

“I Dreamed I Saw Joe Hill Last Night” by Pete Seger…

And i think of all the things going on in the world, or even in my piece of the world, and i feel overwhelmed.

MoR and i keep missing each other online, so i’m bored, and lonesome.  He’s busy with His house hunting and his son, and i get that.  But still… i’m bored and lonesome.

i am too scattered.  My focus is all over the place – way too much going on – and i’m not finishing anything.  

i’ve decided i need to make a chart for work so i can figure out what i’m supposed to be doing on any given day.   Seriously.  i don’t know where my priorities are and so i waste a bunch of time trying to figure out what i need to do next.

And maybe a chart for home too.   Here, i just get lost on the computer, lost in e-mail and fb and blogworld.  Then i look up and hours have gone by.  i can’t even remember the things that i had intended to do…

So i can spend a bunch of time making a bunch of charts and then ignore it all.

i started this fast for Lent – some friends of mine are doing a real extreme version – juice only for 3 days, raw fruit and veggies for 3, and not processed foods for 3, or something like that.  i’m not going that extreme. 

But i am fasting, and that feels good, like i’m shedding some excess – omigod, Donna – some excess crap…  sheesh.  {See Donna’s comment from earlier this week on my post with the fantasy with the enema here.}


So.  i’m not changing the world – i saw a great line –

“Activism seems more like Act-As-If-ism. People go and protest this or that and act as if they care, but then go back to life as usual’.
Jeff Aicken, The Galling Lama 

Well, that’s me. Except i’m not even managing my “life as usual” in my own best interests very well.  For example, i’ve let almost a week go by without billing for some “extra-pay” work i do for my employer – that’s just silly. 

AND i could be doing it right now.  But clearly, i’m not.

Sigh…  i’ll have to add a new “category” for angst, as much of it as i’ve been doing.

12 Responses to “Stuck”

  1. greengirl March 11, 2011 at 7:48 am #

    “Sigh… i’ll have to add a new “category” for angst, as much of it as i’ve been doing.?”

    I find that I am perfectly capable of angsting – while i do other random, wheel spinning things – mulit-tasking at its best.

    Xantu had a beuatiful post about the hopeless feeling brought on by the deluge of news also – seems it’s going around. I get stuck in those same ruts – I guess we all do in some form. Sounds like you at least have a plan. Spring’s coming!

    • aisha March 11, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

      Thanks, GG – yeah, I can do angst and other stuff at the same time too… laughing…

      I did read Xantu’s post this morning, and could totally relate… yeah, I think all the rain’s got me down too. The sun came out today and that helped a lot.

      Thanks, Gg –


  2. thesubmissivebf March 11, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    I totally agree with you on the wasted time with the blog, FB, email, etc. Some of my friends even add the Farming game into all that – HOW?
    This technology can be very addicting and with my personality…well its just trouble.
    I have gone back to reading when ever I can, of course its all BDSM – does that count, lol.
    Have a wonderful day!

    • aisha March 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

      I hear you – I have noooo idea how they have time to play games…

      I can’t believe how much I’ve gotten away from reading! I used to spend hours… well, I guess I still do, just not books.

      I did have a good day – thanks – hope you did too!


  3. sin March 11, 2011 at 8:34 am #

    Me too – all of it. Bored, lonely, not accomplishing enough, which makes me discontented or unsatisfied or some word like that. Boo.

    Oh, but then to alleviate the boredom I got a virus and while I have sort of recovered from that – things still aren’t right. Grrr.

    • ahiddenslave March 11, 2011 at 9:39 am #

      I think there must be something in the air…maybe its “nearly springtimeitius” in the northern hemisphere, that “expectation ” feeling…..just don’t do the whole farmville thing on FB!
      Seems like everyone has the blues….sending, as always, hugs to you.

      • aisha March 11, 2011 at 7:33 pm #

        @Hs – yes. I think maybe you’re right – and don’t worry, farmville is NOT in my future…

        Thanks for the hugs – back to you –


    • aisha March 11, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

      @Sin – And I’m soooo sorry to hear about your virus – I had the same thing happen not all that long ago. Hope you’re able to get it back up and running better than ever!


  4. sweet kk March 11, 2011 at 5:04 pm #

    try to breathe, forgive yourself for not being “all over it” and know that you may be stuck for now, but it will change…

    it always does…

    thinking of you


    • aisha March 11, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

      Thanks, Kk – I know you’re right… but thanks for the reminder. hug, aisha

  5. Mick March 11, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

    We should have invited you to our staff meeting this am at UCTMW….Mick

    • aisha March 11, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

      I know! I could have been a guest – that would have been a blast. Of course, with the WC’s brother there, it might have been a little scary – laughing… But tell Donna next month, I want to come too!

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