Yay! More Q and A…

13 Mar

Question:  Do you find that since you have become secure in accepting your sexual submissive nature, you have a greater link to the power within you extending to all parts of your life, or do you segment; are you only in touch with that power when you are involved in actual play?

i love that question – thanks, Donna.  There are such nice layers to it.  The assumption that my power has increased by accepting my sexually submissive nature, for one. 

There’s a poem by Marianne Williamson – i think i’ve quoted it here before, but i offer it again:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

There was a time when i read those lines with a tremendous longing to feel the strength she talks about.  i was still dimly struggling to feel my own power – i knew it was there, and i exercised it, but i didn’t feel comfortable owning it.

i was convinced that i had to choose between power – or strength – and being loved.  That created great tension within me, and kept me muted. 

But what is power?

The first and simplest definition of power is:  ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.  Interesting, because when we talk about power, i tend to think of it as synonymous with strength, might, or force, which is about the third definition given.

So from that perspective, it makes perfect sense that accepting my sexually submissive nature would increase  my power – increase my ability to act, my capability of doing something.  So much energy was taken up before in “not doing.” 

i don’t remember how much of this i’ve talked about before, but it’s helpful to me to rearticulate it.

i believe that at our core is a light – the light of God Within Us.  Around the light are layers of ourselves – moving from our most intimate self that we share only with the Beloved, to the outer persona, who we present ourselves to be among acquaintances.

Picture it like a mandala:

When who we are aligns across all levels, the light within us shines through.  When that happens, we feel joy and can walk in beauty.

Actually, Mother Theresa personifies this for me:

Not beautiful by conventional standards, but her beauty and joy shine through

But at each of the levels radiating out from the light within, there are blockages.  Places where who we truly are can’t shine through. 

i think that our life task is to align ourselves – our Self – with the  light within.  Obviously, we all carry a different piece of the light, so we each look different, but the light needs to be able to shine through.

Sometimes, i see people at work whose light has been so blocked that it’s hard to even know it’s there.   Even children – you may see them in the grocery if you’re looking.  Their eyes are dull and sad.  No sparks of curiousity or wonder.

We can do that to each other – abuse, reject, hurt each other until the light is barely flickering.

When i was pretending to be vanilla, i was blocking all kinds of the light in me.  Faking who i am is a sure way not to shine.

That doesn’t mean i need to “come out.”  It means i need to let that light shine appropriately through the layers of me.  So – honest with myself, honest with my Beloved.  Open and transparent with a group of intimate friends…

Um, i guess that would be youall.  And the local community to some extent.

With acquaintances, less intimate friends – they don’t have to know that i’m submissive, but the stance i have with them needs to be congruent with my internal core of being submissive.  Does that make sense?  i need to be the opposite of gay politicians passing anti-gay legislature.

Even my family – they may not know that i’m into kink, but if someone asked them, “Would you guess that aisha is rigid and judgmental about sex, or is she more into the unconvential and kinky?” i’d bet they’d vote on the unconvential, kinky side.

So – getting  back to the question {do i hear sighs of relief in the background?} – yes, accepting my sexual submissiveness has increased my connectedness to my own power across all of my life, not just when i’m playing.

Whew.

Thanks for asking, Donna.

10 Responses to “Yay! More Q and A…”

  1. Mick March 13, 2011 at 8:37 am #

    I’m at a loss for wise ass comments on this one, Aisha. But I wonder if ‘Nilla will read it and then come up with a story about miscreant nuns. Now that would be a good one.

    • aisha March 14, 2011 at 12:33 am #

      Dear Mick, I don’t think I’ve known you to be without a wise ass comment… I guess that’s an accomplishment!

      On the other hand, your idea about the nuns? I bet ‘Nilla runs with it.

      aisha

  2. sin March 13, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    Mick is such a bad boy.

    Good answer Aisha.

    • aisha March 14, 2011 at 12:33 am #

      @Sin – He is bad, isn’t he? {laughing} Maybe Molly should be a little sterner with him…. hmmmmm.

      Thanks!

      aisha

  3. nilla March 13, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    deep thoughts for the first day of one hour sleep deprivation…*smiles*…yet i get it.

    i like how you quantify that we must be true to ourselves and our inner Spiritual being…and that doesn’t mean going up to every person we know saying ‘hi i’m kink-ay”…but that it is finding our own ‘groove’ (hello, hippie nilla!) that we find our strength, and let our holy shine through.

    nilla

    • aisha March 14, 2011 at 12:34 am #

      @Hippie ‘Nilla – Yeah, after i finished it i thought it might resonate with you. Glad it did. aisha

  4. nilla March 13, 2011 at 12:45 pm #

    @ mick…omg…you should go to http://www.bondageblog.com…on the friday cornucopia oflinks is a link to a pic with “nuns” and ….you’ll figure it out…

    you are so bad. *nodding* one can immediately see that you are in Dom mode this morning!

    nilla
    grinning

    • aisha March 14, 2011 at 12:39 am #

      And um, speaking of bad, ‘Nilla – that link? Humpf. I had to cut and paste it but – yikes… {laughing} What a web site – by Dr. Faustus?

      aisha

  5. Donna March 13, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    Dear Aisha,

    One of the things I admire about you is your clear and honest response to things. Thank you for answering my question in a way that far surpassed what I expected.

    Hugs,
    Donna

    • aisha March 14, 2011 at 12:40 am #

      Thank you, Donna! Using you for inspiration tomorrow too!

      aisha

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