Blog Drop?

21 Mar

After the excitement of writing a blog post that Master R liked yesterday – and really, if you’ve read His book, you know why that’s so thrilling – but after that there’s just a touch of blog-let-down today…

No idea what to write about.

Nothing exciting happening in my life – unless you count sunshine and temperature in the 70’s yesterday. That was pretty exciting, and i actually went for a couple of walks and did some yardwork – no, ‘Nilla, nothing involving rakes… laughing…

It’s the longing, you know. Like an itch i can’t quite reach. Aching to be touched. Spanked. Ordered.

i don’t want to dwell on it – there’s no point. It’s not happening today. Thinking about it makes it worse…

And not thinking about it makes it worse. If i don’t think about it, i can almost forget it exists. And then i start to feel ~

~ dead.

i start to feel that some part of me has died. And i guess it has, when i quit longing, aching, wanting.

So i try to find that space in my head. Try to make sure it – she – stays alive.

It is a place of humility. she is humble. And yet – it’s confusing. Not humble in a mundane sense, i don’t think.

i look up the word – no, not humble in the sense of modest and meek. Really, i’m not very meek. No, if i can pick and choose the definition – humble in the sense of

“expressing a spirit of submission.”

Ok, kind of a circular definition here, but that’s what it is.

Yes.

FS used to talk about “taking me down a notch.” That feeling – when i catch my breath, and my heart skips a beat, and maybe everything stops for a second because i’ve just slipped down into a submissive state.

And it’s not – it’s down into that state, but being there is edifying. Being there is not oppressive or “down” in the common sense – it lifts me up.

It’s hard to find that space by myself. Master R’s book can do it – take me there. But it leaves me longing.

Sigh.

And then i feel like an unmatched sock, like my true Master is crumpled in the bowels of the washing machine somewhere.

Laughing – ok, maybe not. But i don’t know where He is. And maybe the idea of my “true Master” is silly. But ~

MoR says – more than once – that i’m a Derby quality race horse, pretending to be a Shetland pony.

i say, “Nuh-uh,” and laugh, because it sounds unlikely, at best, and overly complimentary at least.

But.

It occurs to me finally that it’s probably true – and only half compliment.

If that were true – it almost makes sense. Cause you know, the race horse looks good on the track, and people may admire it, but not many people really want to own it.

i bet a lot more people have Shetland ponies. After all, they’re little and cute, the kids can ride them, they’re probably low maintenance.

Whereas frigging race horses ~ sure, they’re pretty and fast, and on a good day, they wins some races. And they’re a big investment in money and time, they need to be trained and handled, they’re likely to break down, get tempermental, and generally be a lot of trouble. i prefer to think i’m not like that. Really. But i might be a little…

So what’s my point? Is there a point here?

i’ve been reading HS’s blog – she inspires me to question all kinds of things. i wonder – what does my submission mean? What’s it about?

i think it’s not just about pleasing my Sir, even though that’s how it manifests. It’s about ~

No. i won’t go into it now, not today, when i don’t have enough time to explore it, play with it, look at it. But really, ultimately it’s about love. Not so much romantic, happily ever after love.

It’s ~ love, or the light, however you want to think about it, is inside each of us. The goal is to let it shine. So my submission ~ the light of my submission ~ adds to the light of my Dom. my light shine on Him, so His light shines more brightly, on me and on everyone around us.

And His light increases my light. And ~

~ between us, we will be glowing!

i know, i’ve talked about this before. But i need to remind myself ~ i belong to a Master who understands that it is not just a power exchange between the two of us.

A Master who gets that it is about creating energy ~ phallic energy, sexual energy, energy of the goddesses who channel themselves through me.

We’ll call on energy from the 4 directions:

East is where the sun rises. The eastern spirit of sun or fire brings warmth and light. It is the place of beginnings. Its light brings wisdom. It is the power of knowledge.

South is the sun at its highest point. It is the direction from where warm winds blow. South is the spirit of earth, the power of life. It represents peace and renewal.

West is the spirit of water. It is the direction from which darkness comes. It is the power of change, the place of dreams, introspection and the unknown. The west signifies purity and strength.

North is the spirit of wind. The cold wind blows from the north. It is the power of wisdom. Here we take time to reflect on what we began in the east, in the morning, in our youth.

And our light will shine.

8 Responses to “Blog Drop?”

  1. thesubmissivebf March 21, 2011 at 9:19 am #

    Aisha,
    I feel the same way about the blog drop. Going from writing something everyday to writing almost nothing.
    Keep the faith that good things are coming our way!

    • aisha March 21, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

      Thanks, Sbf – You keep sending good energy this way – I’ll keep sending it your way, and yes, for sure, it’ll work out for each of us!

      Hugs,

      aisha

  2. vanillamom March 21, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    casting your circle this morning, darlin’?…Mustn’t forget two more directions…. the spirits of below, from where life, tho seeming to lie dead…is merely dormant, waiting; and the spirits of above, where energy from the sun flows down upon us, and opens us to lightness of being; these are the full “sacred six”, with the love of She-who-won’t-be-named woven betwixt and between, binding all together….

    okay, mystic instruction over…*laughs*

    i understand the “dead” part. i was nonsexual for just this week…and was afraid it was “broken”…(it’s not!) Remember too, dearest, that you are still recovering from being ill…and there is that period of crankyness when one is nearly 100% recovered?

    You’re feeling better, but full healing (of all kinds) takes time.

    Hug,

    nilla

    • aisha March 21, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

      Laughing – yes, casting my circle…

      Of course you’re right – IRL i would call on Father Sky and Mother Earth to join too. But I like the sound of “prayer to the four directions.” Don’t ask me why – I just do. Thanks for the mystic instructions though, i like the sound of your description. When we visit each other… imagine the power we could generate!

      …laughing – are you saying i’m cranky? Surely not!

      i am feeling better, and am not sure i’ll ever be fully healed, right?

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. littlemonkey March 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    “But my sense of what i need is deeper today, maybe just because i have different words for it”

    “It’s the longing, you know. Like an itch i can’t quite reach. Aching to be touched. Spanked. Ordered.

    i don’t want to dwell on it – there’s no point. It’s not happening today. Thinking about it makes it worse…

    And not thinking about it makes it worse. If i don’t think about it, i can almost forget it exists. And then i start to feel ~

    ~ dead”

    reading your posts over the last two days, I have been able to finally, clearly understand some things that I haven’t been able to voice to myself. You are quite eloguent.

    • littlemonkey March 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

      eloquent…

      • aisha March 21, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

        Yeah, i got that – laughing….

    • aisha March 21, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

      Thank you, LM – there’s no compliment higher than that. I’m so glad.

      aisha

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