Skip My Pity Party…

30 Mar

WARNING:  Really, this is going to be a pity party.  Not fun.  Not helpful.  Not sexy.  Feel free to go on to the next blog down the cyberpath.

i’m just frigging lonesome.

 That’s ok.  There’s nothing wrong with being lonely.

But i just am.

It’s a feeling.

Feelings pass.

Like clouds in the frigging sky, they pass.

i was IM’ing with MoR last night, actuallly talking about being lonely, and he disappeared. 

Yep. 

Went offline and didn’t come back. 

i hope he didn’t have a heart attack or something.  More likely, he lost internet service. 

But he could have texted.  Just to say good-bye.

Unless he really did have a heart attach.  So i can’t even be pissed, cause that could have happened.

Or maybe he fell asleep.

But nothing from him this morning either.

Maybe – maybe there is something wrong with me that drives people away.

Some awful aura that sends them screaming into the night.

Ok, no, i really know that’s not true.  i maybe only believe it about 5 or 10%, and that’s not very much.

Maybe i’m like frigging Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, helplessly waiting in a dream state for my frigging Prince to come?

Nah.

Maybe i should have stayed married the first time….

No.   No way.  

The second time?

thinking, thinking, thinking…

No.  Absolutely not.

So here i am, probably exactly where i’m supposed to be.  Loneliness and all.

i have to be at work two hours earlier than usual today.  So i can’t even throw a good pity party.  i may have to continue it later.

28 Responses to “Skip My Pity Party…”

  1. thesubmissivebf March 30, 2011 at 6:22 am #

    This too shall pass, just wait it out and don’t do anything foolish (like I have been known to do).
    🙂 Hugs

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

      Thank you, Sbf. Nice to know you’ve been there – and thanks for the good advice too, right? Hugs… aisha

  2. Clive March 30, 2011 at 6:38 am #

    Big Hugs – but perk up. Spring is here, the future is bright, and you have a hidden following. You are not alone
    xxx

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

      @Clive –

      Thanks – you are so right – spring is coming – and it’s so cool that you commented here! i had no idea you read my blog! i know you from commenting on – omigosh who is it? HS? I think. And of course, i’ve read your blog too. But – sweet of you to come out today. laughing – so to speak.

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. sweet kk March 30, 2011 at 6:49 am #

    there’s nothing wrong with the occasional pity party… we all need to throw ’em for ourselves every once in a while… one foot in front of the other helps me exit the party without ending up with the lampshade on my head in the corner 😉

    hang in there

    kk

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

      Thanks, Kk – that’s so nice – and true – about the lampshade on one’s head…laughing.

      hugs,

      aisha

  4. striving for peace March 30, 2011 at 6:53 am #

    hugs, Sis

    big hugs

    sfp

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

      Thank you, Subsister of mine – I haven’t forgotten what you said last night – thank you very much!

      aisha

  5. sin March 30, 2011 at 7:19 am #

    Crap – I think I misunderstood what kind of party it was on the invitation. I booked us a reservation for a dozne of us to see the male strippers…. Now who is coming with us?

    We all feel blue sometimes. What advice would you give? Exercise more and pamper yourself? Call a friend? Retail therapy? Don’t eat – that won’t help.

    And yes, I think you can be pissed at the guy who disappeared when you were IMing. Chances are damn good he didn’t have a heart attack.

    Big hug.

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:49 pm #

      @Sin – i stood there in my office and laughed out loud. i kept thinking ~

      ~ Me – me – call on me! i want to go see the male strippers with Sin and dozen other bloggers!

      And thanks for the advice – the “don’t eat” part – i remembered that about 10 o’clock when i was thinking “donut. or maybe oreos – the vanilla kind…” and i didn’t eat either.

      And finally – laughing – no, you’re right – not a heart attack. Power went off.

      Hugs,

      aisha

  6. Mick March 30, 2011 at 7:47 am #

    Tsunami?

    Hang in there, kiddo.

    Mick

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

      @Mick – laughing – no, i swear it took me a minute to get it – not a tsunami – althought that was a nice thought…

      thanks – hugs,

      aisha

  7. vanillamom March 30, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    i have no idea where you found that picture…but it was perfect.

    if one is going to have a pity party, then i say “wallow”…coz yanno..it’s part of the trek…the sucky part, but part of it anyway.

    i’m sorry you were lonely last night.

    you could have texted me, yanno? *smiles* i might have been asleep, as i was wiped out yesterday, crazy busy all of a sudden…but maybe not, since we kinda share a bed hour…?

    give me a try.

    *ponders that comment*

    that was a non-sexual comment. *nods* *grins*

    better. still overtired,

    nilla

    • ewoman88 March 30, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

      aisha, you are allowed to sulk every now and again, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. And don’t apologize for sharing 😛 we love you, sulks and all 😀

      nilla! now I have you two in my head doing stuff and you won’t go away!

      • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:58 pm #

        @ewoman – thanks – yours was the message that put me over the top laughing – i appreciate feeling loved “sulks and all” – but the idea that you have me and nilla in your head doing stuff?

        Lol ~

        stop it!

        aisha

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 7:56 pm #

      @Nilla –

      Don’t you find it amazing – i know i do – that you can google “pity party” and then hit “images” and find all kinds of pictures!!!

      Yeah, clearly this morning i was into wallow, and if i’m gonna do something, i like to do it well…

      And i will text you – i think i thought you mostly used your phone on weekends, or that there was something around that – some restriction.. whatever. But apparently i really needed to wallow – cause i actually IM’ed with Sfp for a little bit last night, and felt better for a minute, and then here i was this morning…

      Of course, maybe i’d have made you feel better if you were down too… hmmmm. O, well, next time.

      LOL Yes, we do share a bed hour – why does that crack me up?

      and i’m glad that was a non-sexual comment ~

      ~ and that you saw fit to say so!

      ~and am sending lots of hugs and postive energy toward you.

      aisha

  8. gofish9317 March 30, 2011 at 8:56 am #

    Aisha,

    we are all entitled to self pity now and then. i think it gives us a little release. its good for the soul.

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

      Thank you, gofish – it does seem to help in the long run, even though it’s not much fun in the moment.

      hugs,

      aisha

  9. ahiddenslave March 30, 2011 at 9:24 am #

    I’ll come to you party…you came to mine.:)

    Its fine to feel lonely…I expect something just happened somewhere, somehow doubt it was a heart attack though.

    Hang on in there…spring is round the corner……
    Sending big hugs.
    HSxx

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

      @HS – Thank you so much – yes, thank goodness for spring!

      And you’re right – the power went out. It really wasn’t like him…

      Many hugs, HS.

      aisha

  10. xantu March 30, 2011 at 9:32 am #

    That pic made me want to start popping balloons. Sorry about the blue feelings. Take care of yourself, exercise… and my secret favorite treat is red wine, dark chocolate, porn and a hitachi…

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

      @Xantu – Good recipe for feeling better! I like red wine and chocolate too, and what could be bad about porn and a hitachi {even though i don’t have one. Maybe for Mothers day – o, wait, um, probably not. Well, i could give it to myself though, right?}

      thanks,

      aisha

  11. molly March 30, 2011 at 11:07 am #

    Hey,
    my two cents as an MA in psychology (but not as skilled as you my friend)…you are picking guys who are SELF-CENTERED. Yes, I know the other kind are boring, but I think that your selections are not men who are predisposed to prioritizing you. I also (and slap me if you want) think that while BDSM is FUN and sexy, it is also a group of folks trying to work out their own issues — and you are planting yourself in the middle of it.
    this sounds boring, but I would spend sometime with people in vanilla organizations and see who you meet…
    just my thoughts
    Molly

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

      Dear Molly,

      Thank you for the insight – yes, of course in a way you’re right. I mean, MoR isn’t so self-centered as a person, but i’m not a priority with him – but he’s not my “The One” at this point either, so you know… whatever.

      Yes. More time doing vanilla stuff is a good plan. Not boring. But you know what happens, don’t you? Some vanilla guy gets interested next thing you know he’s like “Is it ok if i kiss you?” and i’m thinking “Big sigh…sure, why not,” and that’s not less lonely, just different.

      But. i’m open to trying. i know there’s Dom’s out there in the real world too.

      And mostly THANK YOU for commenting – I LOVE when you do that!

      aisha

  12. angel March 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    Poor darlin…
    i’m so sorry for the uncomfortable, pesky, rude feelings. Damn them.

    i’m not usually the kind of friend who will show up and blow sunshine into unwated orifices (wanted? sure. okay. we need to work on a rude hand gesture to express that).

    The guy? An ass. i hope next time he is feeling pesky feelings you turn on your vibrator, climax, and ignore him.

    What is coming up that is making you feel lonely anyhow? Cuz there is being *alone* and then there is *lonely* and those are different things in my mind.

    Hugs…
    angel

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

      @Angel – you are too funny! i love it…

      You know, your therapeutic style reminds me too much of me. The irreverance – pure Linehan – nice… have you thought about it?

      And MoR is not really an ass, although i appreciate the sympathy. He’s never done anything like that – and this morning he did text later and said the power had gone off. We were wrapping the conversation up anyhow so he just went to bed. And we’re not – you know – anyhow at this point…

      Yes, alone and lonely are different in my mind too. Thank goodness i’m not lonely often. As for what’s coming up that makes me feel it?

      ~~O, you are good. You need to be a therapist, you know.

      hugs,

      aisha

  13. angel March 30, 2011 at 8:48 pm #

    aisha,

    i had to read about Linehan on wikipeda. Hmmm. Cool beans.

    i am the most irreverant about things closest to my heart. It’s funny to be “the family fuck” 😀 Woot. Try to say that with a straight face.

    The guy? Yeah..sorry for calling his an Ass. i formally retract that statement.

    Therapy in my mind is a dance and a puzzle. i really do want to know what is under those feelings. 🙂
    Hugs,
    angel

    • aisha March 30, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

      @Angel,

      Yes. Linehan is irreverant about the serious, painful stuff too. It’s a fine balance. When you say: “i’m so sorry for the uncomfortable, pesky, rude feelings. Damn them.” – you have no idea how much you sound like me sometimes – or her. I loved it.

      I used to write letters, back in the day, and some of the funniest letters I wrote were when I was most down and miserable, having the hardest times struggling with life.

      There’s nothing funny to me, however, about being “the family fuck.” In my mind, that holds a lot of pain.

      And no need to be sorry for calling MoR an ass – he could well have been. I just wanted to be fair. But no formal retraction was actually necessary, although it was sweet of you.

      It is a dance – o, god, yeah, therapy is a dance, and a puzzle. Perfect.

      hugs,

      aisha

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