The Beach and Confessions

19 Apr

i’ve been inspired by HS’s post on the beach.   It got me thinking about how much i love the beach.  The water, the sand, the salty feeling in the air.  Watching for dolphins.  Feeling the sun beat down on me.

i’m going to the beach in June.  By myself most likely, which is fine too.  i’ve gone with family, with a lover, and by myself before.  By  myself is not bad.

i love to get up early and walk on the beach.  i try not to start picking up seashells, cause once i start that, it’s easy to get obsessed, and then i’m walking with my eyes on the ground instead of on the water or the sky.  And i end up with a bag of shells that i don’t really need and don’t know what to do with when i get home.

Kind of like the dress or shorts i typically end up buying, that seems so perfect at the moment, and when i get it home, seems so out of place.  i put it on and look like ~ well, like i belong on the beach instead of here in Where-i-Live. 

So i’m ok with going by myself.  i’ve been to this particular beach before, and i know some things to do.  Maybe i’ll even see if there’s a kinky community there.

53 days before i go. 

It occurs to me that theoretically i could be vacationing with my Dom someday.   And i realize ~~

         ~~ here comes the confession ~~

{Whispering}  i don’t know if i want to do that.

What if He wanted me to wait and suck His cock before i walk on the beach?  What if He wanted to spank me instead of watching dolphins?

Ok, that’s silly, isn’t it?

But maybe not.

When i go to the beach, i need the ocean time.  It really is for me. 

Maybe ~ maybe i’m getting all worried about something that’s never going to happen anyhow.

Probably i am. 

Or maybe i’d feel differently if i really was in a relationship with my Dom.

Or maybe i’m not even really submissive, maybe i’m really too self-centered to even call myself that.

Sigh…

And maybe i just need that ocean time to get re-centered and be ok. 

12 Responses to “The Beach and Confessions”

  1. sin April 19, 2011 at 7:15 am #

    Ocean time sounds like meditation time, yoga time. It’s time for you to be quiet and breathe and be alone I think. And if he wanted you to wait before going to the beach, I think you’d probably find a compromise where you went later, and things would still be fine. Don’t you? And if it was someone who really wouldn’t give you any private time, then he probably wouldn’t really be the Dom for you.

    • aisha April 19, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

      @Sin – Such the voice of reason… of course you’re right. I read your comment this morning on the way to work and thought, of course, what am I fretting about? Thanks. aisha

  2. Mick April 19, 2011 at 7:51 am #

    Molly and Mick have been to a nude beach north of San Fransisco. My guess is the Dom at the beach could do those things on the beach there without anyone raising an eyebrow.

    Mick

    • aisha April 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

      @Mick – You crack me up. Thanks for the thought, I’ll keep it in mind. 🙂 aisha

  3. nilla April 19, 2011 at 8:16 am #

    My Dom and i will likely never vacation together…He has spoken of taking me to Newport (RI? CT? forget) to His fav. restaurant there.

    The thing is, since we’re stealing time to be together…it’s always about the sex. We hate missing out on it to do other things. So that may be a component for you. And….srsly? This should be something you talk to Him about….

    if you’re not spending tons of time together…this may well be a moot point. If the plan is for more? Obviously not.

    And we all crave that time to refocus, as sin says. And i agree wholeheartedly that if its only all about Him? sin is correct again…He’s not the one for you.

    Hug,

    nilla

    • aisha April 19, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

      You know, Nilla, that I just have to say this. I absolutely love the way that you end up talking about your master, pretty much all the time. I think it is absolutely delightful. And romantic. I hope that I have that kind of relationship with my Dom someday.

      Having said that, I also think you’re right that how much time we spend together having sex depends on how much time we had together overall. If I were with someone and we were primarily making time for sex,the ocean would probably not be the place to go.

      Hugs,

      Aisha

      Sent from my iPhone

  4. ahiddenslave April 19, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    aisha,
    ocean time sounds like the perfect”o’clock” to me.

    There is something about the ever chancing ocean that makes one feel alive, the immenseness that makes none feel small and a joy that makes one feel alive and renewed.
    Thank you so much for saying you were inspired by a post from me,…its never happened before.
    HSxx

    • aisha April 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

      Dear HS,

      We clearly share the same sense, the same feeling about the ocean. I’m so glad we have that connection.

      Thank you,

      Aisha

      Sent from my iPhone

  5. thesubmissivebf April 19, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    You are going on vacation to the beach, do you really need to worry about something that may or may not happen?

    Focus on the positive stuff, sand between you toes, the feel of the foam rolling over your legs, the glint of a colorful seashell, sound of the waves hitting the shore, birds hopping around on the sand, palm trees swaying in the breeze….I could go on.
    Hugs 🙂

    • aisha April 19, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

      Dear Sbf,

      You are absolutely right. It is kind of ridiculous for me to be worrying about something that probably won’t happen. I think that I was just a little out of sorts this morning when I posted this.

      Yes. Those thoughts and images and things to anticipate about going to the ocean are the right place for my mind today.

      Hugs,

      Aisha Sent from my iPhone

  6. knottylittlemonkey April 19, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    Alone time was addressed so well by the other commenters, there isn’t really anything more I could say.

    The thing that struck me…you are not self centered, you are introspective. It is part of your character and personality. Any Dom that you would ultimately be close enough to to vacation with, would understand that. Would you go away with someone you hadn’t come to trust? What I know of you? No, you wouldn’t. I can’t imagine you becoming close enough with someone to go away with them, unless you were comfortable and secure in their appreciation of you as a person.

    Because a relationship follows a D/s pattern, it is still a relationship and each is different. Each couple is different, there is no “one true way”, or precise blueprint of what a D/s relationship should look like. When you find him you two will built yours together, “alone time” and all.

    Okay, I’m rambling now, only one cup of coffee.***wanders off waving cup in the air***

    • aisha April 19, 2011 at 9:10 pm #

      Dear LM,

      Thank you so much. Your insight about me being introspective instead of self centered make me feel much better. Of course you’re right. Again, I must’ve been really out of sorts this morning.

      And yes of course, my Dom,whoever he may be, and i will build a relationship that works for us in the right way. Thank you so much for helping me me find my way back on track.

      Thank you,

      Aisha

      Sent from my iPhone

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