Odds and Ends

1 Jun

i bought myself a new copy of Story of O yesterday.  i threw my last copy away – dog-eared thing that it was – back when my daughter was a teenager because i was afraid she’d find it and read it.  

Just looking at the cover makes me wet.

i read some of it last night – flipping through it randomly.  i ended up at the part where O is taken to Anne-Marie’s and gets pierced.  i didn’t actually get as far as the branding because, you know, there was no need to.  laughing….

It was the loveliest self-induced orgasm i’ve had in a long time!  

i’m curious to see how the book sounds now that i’m familiar with the lifestyle.  i suspect it will read differently. Not that i can read a lot of it at one time…  {giggles}

Anyhow.  

i’ve been thinking still about the rules that LM and Sin talked about.  You know, we’re all raised with them.  What girls are supposed to do and what we aren’t.  What men want in a relationship.  

It doesn’t matter if we agree with them or not, if we’re good at following them or not, if we even get them or not; they’re part of our consciousness.   i don’t think we can ever shed that completely.  Look at the magazines when you’re standing in line at the grocery.  So much of it is geared to figuring out what “he” wants and giving it to him.

i used to try to make myself smaller so he would feel bigger.  That’s what they taught us to do.  Don’t you remember?  We weren’t supposed to be too smart:

“Boys don’t make passes/ at girls who wear glasses.”  

That wasn’t about the glasses, it was because they represented being smart.  Better blind than smart, right? 

“Girls don’t call boys.”

That was a sacred rule.  But even better – worse – than that was;

“They won’t buy a cow if they can get the milk free.”

My step-mother preached that one to me once.  i was so righteously indignant, i thought i’d explode.   This was in 1972 maybe, the years of making love, not war.  

Sigh.

i’m actually a big fan of flirting, and can do it pretty well with a partner who enjoys it.  And i like the rituals of courtship – open the door for me, help me with my coat, order dinner for me.  i’ll slip into the warmth of that quite comfortably.  Snuggled up to you, i’ll be happy to lean on you, my big man protector.  i may even bat my eyelashes.  And it’ll be genuine.

But i’m not so good at pretending to feel ways i don’t.  Not so good at acting like i don’t care when i do.  And ultimately, not any good at pretending to be less than i am to help someone else feel bigger.

And isn’t that the point of all those vanilla rules?  To make him think he’s in charge?  Meanwhile, the woman is secretly trying to manipulate him and be in charge herself.

Maybe part of the beauty of TTWD is that we can negotiate some of that.  Maybe.

Sigh.

 

 

 

12 Responses to “Odds and Ends”

  1. sin June 1, 2011 at 7:52 am #

    I think in vanilla world it’s a negotiation to decide who will be in charge and what the rules are. In D/s it’s explicit. One person is in charge, and the other agrees to submit or to obey or take direction, whatever the specific language is. I don’t think it’s all phony manipulation in the vanilla world or total honesty here. I keep writing and erasing stuff, somehow unable to put words around what I think.

    sin

    • aisha June 1, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

      @Sin –

      I know how you feel – there’s so much around all this, I think, that it’s hard to wrap my head around it. And – I don’t know. I said in BDSM it’s negotiated, and of course what you’re saying is right. But some things are negotiated? I don’t know. Maybe what I meant was just that it’s overtly talked about. Plus, I agree it’s totally not all manipulation vs all open and honest. But – the rules that are set for “girls” – lots of those are really manipulative.

      And i think I’m babbling… sorry.

      aisha

      • Master of the Revels June 2, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

        Its the totality of “O” that appeals to you – because? That is you…..

      • aisha June 3, 2011 at 6:03 am #

        Hi, MoR – How cool that you commented! Thanks! I don’t think I “am” O, but I know that’s a compliment from you, so I’ll just say “thank you,” to that too… aisha

  2. k June 1, 2011 at 9:15 am #

    aisha,

    I think it’s great you can enjoy flirting with a partner. Nice thoughts. Maybe the answers are in such precious moments that come unexpectedly when both are just being real, pretenses and societal stuff aside. Vulnerable and cozy together..

    K

    • aisha June 1, 2011 at 4:14 pm #

      @K – Yes, maybe. I like that idea anyhow. I do better, I think, with being real than with pretense.

      aisha

  3. Mick June 1, 2011 at 11:37 am #

    Like the bit about how far one can get in your new, old book.

    And I always liked it when girls called me….

    Mick

    • aisha June 1, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

      @Mick – laughing – glad you liked that part!

      And, um, of course you liked it when the girls called you! The rules don’t have anything to do with what guys like. Plus, maybe you weren’t headed for Dom-dom {ok, lol, clearly that’s the wrong term, it’s not like king-dom. Maybe it’s Dom-hood?} Whatever you call it, maybe you weren’t headed there…

      hugs,

      aisha

  4. littlemonkey June 1, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    I think you captured perfectly what I was trying to get around to myself. I like the rituals of courtship, I love the flirting (even though I don’t think I’m good at it). It’s the pretending I’m not head over heels, or in lust, or just plain delighted by the attention that causes me trouble.
    Sin’s point that it isn’t all manipulation in the vanilla world, or honesty in the D/s world is true,too.

    It takes a village…

    • aisha June 1, 2011 at 4:20 pm #

      Thanks, LM, I’m glad it resonated with someone! It’s tricky stuff though, isn’t it?

      laughing… and it does take a village – to make a point, right?

      And I do love this village.

      hugs,

      aisha

  5. ahiddenslave June 1, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

    aish, nice post and oh so true. Thea was a certain expectation of behaviour, a system to be adhered to (more or less) a set of conventions. And I must admit I liked them , although sometimes they were frustrating and if you stepped way from them you were considered “odd.
    Now young girls are much freer to act how they want , but I do wonder if they are any happier…just a thought.
    HSxx

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 4:42 am #

      @HS,

      Good points. Things were more – circumscribed, I guess, and that wasn’t always bad. Since I seemed to not often fit in that system – sometimes through no fault of my own – I think I was in the “odd” category, which could be uncomfortable. For example, my parents divorced, and that was looked down on. My mother, unhappy though she was in her marriage, was Catholic and would never have thought of getting divorced, although she admitted to a tremendous sense of relief when my Dad said he wanted one. But in those days, divorced women were considered quite shocking, and probably “not nice” although that was changing at the time.

      On the other hand, you’re right,freedom to act how you want doesn’t bring happiness either. I don’t know. It’s too complex for me to figure out today… But I’m glad you remember how those days were!

      hugs,

      aisha

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