2 Jun

So i’ve been chatting on yahoo, and am getting a little stirred up.  

That statement really doesn’t lead anywhere, it’s just there.  

In case you were wondering, i haven’t heard from TLM since Monday night.  You know, i told you i called him Monday afternoon and talked for just a few minutes?  Well, when i talked to him Monday night, he said,

“I told you I would call tonight, didn’t I?”

Of course, i said, “Yes, you did.”

He says, “And see – I did.”  

i say, “Yes,” but i have no idea what he means.  Does he mean, see I did what I said, like he’s really proving how trustworthy he is?  Or does he mean, “You didn’t need to call me this afternoon?”  Cause right before that, he said, “You called me this afternoon.”   But there was an interruption inbetween – some fireworks going off, someone taking to him.

So really, he said, “You called me, I told you I’d call you.” 

Whatever.  The last thing he said on Monday was “I will call you.”   And he hasn’t.

Don’t start.  I’m not calling him.  He didn’t say, “Call me,” he said, “I’ll call you.”

If he’s a Dom, he meant exactly that.  If he’s not, then there’s not much reason to call him anyhow.

And anyhow –

i’ve been chatting on yahoo with this Dom.  BNL, i’ll call him.  We haven’t met, so you know, i’m not getting my hopes too far up, but there’s some on-line chemistry.

He might be the ice cream i’ve been seeking, Donna.  Maybe TLM was just the sample spoon to whet my appetite.    We’ll see.  

But when i was talking to him this morning, to BNL, he said some things, approached me in some ways, that have left me pretty wet.  Times he actually made my pussy clench.  Nice to have that feeling again.

Sbf recently described her first submissvie experience.  She ended her post by saying:

“That was my what the F were you thinking moment…what was yours?”
Actually, i have a lot of them – that’s why i don’t even think in terms of Safe, Sane, and Consensual anymore, i prefer “RACK” – “Risk Aware Consensual Kink.”   Cause just today, i heard myself say to BNL, who is a stranger, someone i’ve never even met, i said, “And i’m looking forward to being tied up by you!”
Kinda crazy – but true.

19 Responses to “Chatting”

  1. thesubmissivebf June 2, 2011 at 7:44 am #

    I am laughing 🙂
    I think to be in this lifestyle we all have to be a little crazy!
    Fingers crossed for you and BNL.

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 8:08 am #

      @Sbf – I know, isn’t that the truth? But it’s a good kind of crazy, right?



  2. Mick June 2, 2011 at 7:59 am #

    Like the RACK concept…. we are grownups after all. and if that guy’s message was “don’t call me, I’ll call you”…. then F*** him!

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 8:11 am #

      @Mick –

      Exactly! Although really, it felt more like, “See you didn’t need to call me, I told you I’d call you,” it felt almost condescending, like he thought I called him because I couldn’t go another hour without talking to him.

      But the reaction’s the same! F*** that.


  3. sin June 2, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Or maybe he doesn’t want you to call cause he is married or with someone? Or maybe it was nothing and he just wanted to make the point that he was a good guy and he’d call when he said, but now of course he hasn’t.

    And yes it’s weird isn’t it, when you realize that the things you like and want are things so far off the norm that people avoid them. Normal people.

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 9:29 am #

      @Sin –

      O, good point! I’m always slow to think about the “married/with someone” possibility. Which would also explain why, when he called me the night we were at the festival, he said, “You can call me back tonight if you want to.” Obviously, he was alone that night. Hmpf.

      Laughing… yeah, it is weird. But I’ve gotten so I think “normal” is weird!


  4. ahiddenslave June 2, 2011 at 9:14 am #

    aisha, I love your comment to BNL, honesty is refreshing and fun too. Shame about TLM, maybe there is an explanation. I would want to know if it were me, and then maybe kick him into touch!

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 9:35 am #

      @HS –

      Yes, and thank goodness, I don’t think anyone would expect me to play coy and act like I was against being tied up! It might look like – when I was a teenager, we had a pool in the apartments we lived in. I can remember being up at the pool and my mother making fun of me later cause some guy would start to throw me in the pool and I’d be squealing, “No! No! OHHHH! Oh, NOOO!” and putting up no real resistance. And, you know, loving it. We’d get home later and she’d imitate me with this real girly-girl voice, and just laugh.

      As for TLM – you know, he’s free to call me, I’m not going to hang up on him or anything…


      • sin June 2, 2011 at 10:24 am #

        You have to squeal and put up a BIT of resistance when they throw you into the pool. Otherwise it’s no fun for them, and you don’t want them to move on to someone else! And it IS fun being a girl, and a sub. So there.

      • aisha June 2, 2011 at 10:36 am #

        Laughing..yes. And I must have resisted just right back then. It was fun. And still is!

        Sent from my iPhone

  5. Naida June 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

    It’s funny how our reaction can be so different with the *type* of person we’re dealing with. Of course, we aren’t really sure what type of person TLM is.
    If we assume he is vanilla, him telling you he will call after Monday night but not calling yet is rude and he can F*** off.
    However, if we assume He is a Dom and is teaching you a lesson and will call after He is sure that you understand and don’t call Him first… well then that’s fine.

    Maybe not completely fine but I think that’s how it would go if I were in your shoes.

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm #


      Yes, and if he IS a Dom and that’s what he’s doing then he’ll kind of need to let me know that at some point. Otherwise, it’s meaningless.

      But at this point, I don’t think he is. I think he was just 5 minutes of fun…


      • Naida June 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

        Yay, 5 min of fun…. sometimes that’s fun too 😀

  6. k June 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

    I have come to find that when I start second guessing myself about what someone means, my gut feeling is right, not always, but usually.

    • aisha June 2, 2011 at 3:49 pm #

      Well, my first reaction was this sense of mild indignation that he would think I was that needy immediately. Hmpf.

      And yeah. You’re probably right…



  7. Andi June 3, 2011 at 7:31 am #

    Or maybe we can just take allll of it for what it is an not read into anything lol. I do the same thing “why does it mean” am am Finding it all too taxing. I’m STRESSED like I’ve never been stressed before in this screwed up dating world. And unfortunately am to straight forward and honest as much as people say they don’t like games pshhh men seem to love them. Especially fellas outside of the lifestyle.

    Anyway me telling you this will be like looking in the mirror and telling myself BUT enjoy the ride yes? Take time to savoe the emotions. By always angsting (and I do it too) we are missing these beautiful hours in which we can serve ourselves. If only to make current things better/easier for that special guy that will come along. Because, my dear you are so worth that special guy.

    • Andi June 3, 2011 at 7:33 am #

      Excuse my typos. I is smat sumtimez. And big love to you

      • aisha June 3, 2011 at 8:23 am #

        No worries, I read “typo-ese.” 🙂

    • aisha June 3, 2011 at 8:23 am #

      Omigosh, of course you’re also right – except if I really try to take it all at face value, I seem to end up somewhere down the road going, “well, of course you shoulda known that, you just didn’t let your self see it.” No win. Or maybe it’s no lose, and it’s just all grist for the mill anyhow…

      Yes, and thank you for saying it, cause I’m sure we both need to hear it!! Working on it now… promise. And thanks for the vote of confidence too!



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