Fun Things

i love it when i find things on facebook that fit here.  i thought you all might enjoy this – I laughed out loud.

And thought you might enjoy this picture i took, which i thought was kind of sexy:

Beyond that – well, you know – webcam, conversations, all of that is still going on with GW.

So let’s talk about punishment –

What do you think the role of punishment is in a D/s dynamic?

i think it’s symbolic.  i argued that at the discussion last Sunday, maybe too vehemently.  But the idea that punishment is what makes us not do something again seems ridiculous to me.

It doesn’t work that way with children – they don’t change behavior because they’ve been punished, why would it work that way with subs or slaves?   Or – if they do, it’s because they’re scared.  Which means they’re not invested in the behavior change, they just want to avoid punishment.

That’s not to say that punishment doesn’t serve a purpose.  i believe it sends a message, and i believe it should be a clear message.

Subs all know that if you have a good relationship, it is a punishment to know that you’ve disappointed your Dom, that you’ve let Him/Her down.   What happens after that is symbolic.

The punishment says, “You’ve let me down – don’t do it again!”  It may serve as a powerful reminder not to do it again because it affects emotional mind.

If you know rationally that you made a mistake and shouldn’t do it again, that’s one thing.  If you feel it – if emotional mind is engaged – if there’s the visceral feeling of having failed, of having not lived up to expectations – the lesson stands out.

The point of punishment is to engage emotional mind in the experience.  So instead of just knowing in your head that you don’t want to make a particular mistake again, you feel it through all of your being.  That is the most powerful form of learning.

So yes, if somebody beats you half to death, you’ll feel it.  {Although at some point, you’ll probably dissociate, which defeats the purpose too}   But it may be just as effective for them to say, “You’ve let me down.  Write an essay about what you did wrong.”  Or “Go to the corner and think about it.”  Or – possibly worst, “I’m not going talk to you for x amount of time.”

Extreme physical punishment – or any extreme – may be more likely to lead to emotional distancing, which can be counter productive.  It’s not the severity of the punishment that matters – it’s the symbolic severity  What’s important is that the sub gets the message on a deep emotional level.

Which leads me down some different metal paths – punishment also allows a sub to get closure on what was done wrong, to feel forgiven.  There is value in that, and that may be a topic worth exploring.

And – we teach children to obey is so that they will survive childhood and eventually be able to function independently.  With subs/slaves, that’s not really the goal.  So what is the point?  What is TTWD about on that level?

And – thinking symbolically – lots of the  “do this” things that Doms want are literally fairly pointless – they don’t serve a real purpose.  But symbolically, they’re very powerful.

So, just for example, if GW wanted me to use that red lipstick in the picture on my nipples – well, i guess that might serve an aesthetic purpose.  But there’s no real value to the activity.  No worthwhile function.

On the other hand, it might feel very submissive to obey a directive like that.  

And sexy.  

Know what i mean?