And Scared

23 Jun

You know.  He was that supportive presence all the way home from Florida.  And he’s been there ever since, touching me with His words, his presence on webcam.  Talking to me, talking with me.

But that’s really only a few days.

So i’m scared, and i don’t think i can be a good submissive, and i don’t think i can do the things he wants me to do or give him the things he needs from me.

i’m scared of making a mistake.  Making the wrong decisions.

i’m scared of getting hurt.  

Scared of hurting him.

Tired.

And scared.

 

16 Responses to “And Scared”

  1. histoy June 23, 2011 at 9:31 am #

    i so know this feeling so very well… and all there is to say is “go with your gut”… it knows, somehow some way it knows, so listen to it!

    • aisha June 23, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

      Thanks, Histoy. Really, that is all we can do, isn’t it?

      hugs,

      aisha

  2. ahiddenslave June 23, 2011 at 10:27 am #

    sweet aisha,
    don’t be scared. be cautious, be careful.
    be careful with your heart, your words.
    Don’t rush.
    You must feel fragile right now. Fragile hearts and minds don’t make good decisions.
    Be kind to yourself.
    Be patient.
    Treat yourself and your heart gently.
    There is always tomorrow.

    “Take kindly the counsel of the years,
    gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
    But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
    Beyond a wholesome discipline,
    be gentle with yourself.

    You are a child of the universe,
    no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

    HSxx

    • aisha June 23, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

      Dear HS,

      Thank you, thank you, thank you – I LOVE that poem. “You are a child of the universe…” I can feel that all through me.

      Thank you.

      aisha

  3. vanillamom June 23, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    well…that sounds…normal, yes?

    You’re finding your groove..as sin calls it during play..the pain groove? You’re finding your footing…both of you…

    This is tall, rocky cliff…sometimes you’ll slip back a bit, then you’ll find another handhold and pull yourself back up…and be stronger for the cuts and scrapes along the way…

    There is a top to this (no pun intended) and together it is attainable…but not by each of you singly…it has to be a joint venture…

    one womans opinion…

    nilla

    • aisha June 23, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

      @’Nilla,

      Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Shoot, relationships of any kind aren’t easy, why would this be.

      Ok, yes.

      Thanks,

      aisha

  4. Naida June 23, 2011 at 12:11 pm #

    I wish there was something different I could say to help make it better, however, “go with your gut” is the best advice there is. I find for myself when I start to question something a lot, it’s not the right “thing” for me. That is how I know if it is a go or no go, the amount of questions I ask myself 🙂 Hope these *hugs* help a little xoxo

    • aisha June 23, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

      Thanks, Naida. I appreciate the input – and the hugs help a lot… smiling.

      aisha

  5. LittleMonkey June 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    Go slowly. Do not let fear turn you into a frozen simulacra of yourself…because when you thaw…and you will thaw…you will regret that you didn’t explore this. Walk slowly up to the fear, and let GW help you step through.

    • aisha June 23, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

      @LM,

      n. pl. sim·u·la·cra (-lkr, -lkr)
      1. An image or representation.
      2. An unreal or vague semblance.

      What a great word, and what a great image. You’re right of course, fear can do that.

      Thanks for the sage advice.

      aisha

  6. grandwizzy June 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm #

    somewhere you will find the rainbow, a beautiful pot of gold at the end, pretty lady xx

    someone who didnt fail you

    GW XX

    • aisha June 23, 2011 at 6:39 pm #

      Dear GW,

      Of course you didn’t fail me – I was never suggesting that you had failed me. That’s not at all what I had in mind.

      I’m sorry it sounded that way to you.

      aisha

  7. Mick June 23, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    • aisha June 24, 2011 at 5:45 am #

      Dear Mick,

      I can count on you to find music for any occasion.

      Thanks!

      aisha

  8. Nick June 24, 2011 at 7:10 am #

    All submissives, I think every last one, that I have ever had any dealings with feel that they aren’t good enough or can’t do what they are required to do. I know that you can and will from your writing, yes I read more than I comment.

    The girl feels this way but she comes through and exceeds every expectation that I have for her. I don’t see that you will be any different in this. I am sure that He will be proud of you.

    N x

    • aisha June 24, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

      @Nick,

      I can’t believe I didn’t respond to this comment yesterday, because it made me feel so much better I read it several times… It’s nice to be reminded that other subs feel this way, and that it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to be a failure, or that there’s something wrong with me for feeling this way.

      Thank you,

      aisha

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