Real Life Interupts

7 Jul

We interrupt our regularly scheduled fantasy to bring you a touch of real life… with apologies to Bill and any other readers who are looking forward to finding out what happens next to our fantasy heroine.

i have to go to a jail before i go to work today, so my time is really, really limited.  Need to be on the road no later than 6:30.

i’m seeing Bob tomorrow night – Friday night, not Saturday, so it’s even closer than ‘Nilla’s been saying. Yikes.  i’m not ready at all.

No clue what i’m going to wear – not that he’ll care, i dont’ think, but still.   Had meant to shave every day to make sure i was prepped – instead i haven’t at all and will be scrambling tomorrow to make it work.   No time to get waxed – and haven’t been unshaved long enough for it to work anyhow.

Sigh.

Met some Dom i’d been talking to on collarme last night for about 10 minutes – well, it was only supposed to be 10 minutes.  It was that “are we going to click at all” thing.  You can’t know if it’s gonna work, but you might know that it’s not gonna work right away. 

And i’m too tired to even know that.  We didn’t click like we were a match made in heaven, but that’s ok too, not expecting that.  But I don’t think so.

Sfp wisdom says “If he’s a ‘maybe,’ he’s a ‘no.'”  And i know what she means.  i think he’s a definite “maybe.”

Sheesh.

i’m just tired, incredibly tired, and cranky.  i had such a good time when Sfp was here, but work has been ~~

~~ there are administrative issues that won’t be resolved this millennium, and staff still needs to know what they’re supposed to do in the meantime.  Sometimes i want to hide when one of the therapists starts asking a question.   i already know that i have no idea what the right answer is, or even what a good enough answer would be.

Yeah.  

Thank goodness, my staff is great, and we work together to find our way through the maze of ever-changing rules and regs, but today i feel like i’m trying to manage in Wonderland.   How can we find the way when the ground keeps shifting beneath our feet?

And yesterday, there were about three client things that happened that slipped way under my skin.  You know, working in a society that consistently proves that life really isn’t fair, i have a pretty high tolerance for seeing injustice and pain and ~ this is going to sound wrong ~ for seeing it and tolerating it.

i recognize that it’s wrong, but it’s so common i can’t get righteously indignant all the time, or i’d lose my mind.

You know, people go to jail for not having car insurance, which causes them to lose the job that they needed transportation to get to; the job that might have eventually allowed them to afford car insurance.   Their license gets suspended.  Then they can’t get a job because they don’t have transportation.

That series of events is not really helpful.  Not to my client, and not to society at large.

And people need to have car insurance – it’s not ok to drive around without it.   Not saying that would be ok either.

So, you see what i’m saying?  Mostly, i can tolerate that circumstance, even if it’s my client that just spent a week in jail, cause there’s nothing i can do about it anyhow.

Sometimes, it’s something that’s just so sad that i feel like i can’t stand it  Like, maybe 3 really hard things have happened to someone, and then one more happens, and i’m left reeling.  Like really, it’s just too much to take.

Which is not helpful, for me to get overwhelmed with it is not helpful, it’s not even my burden, what’s the point of me feeling like it’s too much?  But it happens, and then i have to deal with my feelings about it, because otherwise i might end up not able to feel at all, you know?

Anyhow, that kind of stuff happens to me from time to time.  And yesterday it happened about 3 times, 3 times that i heard something or read something that just – that got under my skin. 

i get kind of paralyzed with it for a minute.  Like i’m being buried alive.

And even afterwards, like now, there’s some of that “walking through water” feeling.

This isn’t real new though, this is the culmination of weeks of stuff, at work and at home. When Sfp was here, i could forget most of it, but now it’s all back, and more.

So yesterday morning, before work, i was talking to, maybe flirting with, a Dom on collarme ~ not the one i met for 10 minutes last night, another one.  He gave me some, um, Domly suggestions about touching myself at work, and i agreed that i’d try to follow these instructions.  It was totally Dom-light, nothing intense, and seemed kind of fun.

Until noon, when i realized that i hadn’t done what he’d suggested even once, much less as often as prescribed.  Not only that, i hadn’t even thought about doing it.  Not once. 

So i thought i’d try to do it in the afternoon, and the thought crossed my mind a couple of times, but each time i was deep in the middle of something else and couldn’t have stopped.

It wasn’t a big deal; he just told me to touch myself every 2 hours, without cumming.  Which – I’ve never, ever cum at work, so that part would have been easy, but i thought the touching part would be easy too.  Only i totally forgot.

At noon, i got a message from him on collarme, about how he liked the idea of me keeping an eye on the clock and making sure not to miss the time frame.  And i thought, O, that’s the problem, i can’t do that, not here, not today.  It just wasn’t that kind of day.

And i don’t feel too bad about not doing it, i only said i’d try.  And he’s not my Dom.  It was just for fun.

i didn’t mean to go into this big, long rant either.  This was just supposed to be a quick explanation of why i wasn’t writing the fantasy this morning.   But i guess i needed to say it, so thanks for being there.  i feel a little bit better!

{Smiling…}

8 Responses to “Real Life Interupts”

  1. striving for peace July 7, 2011 at 7:55 am #

    then again — letting him know what sort of day it was and how it wasn’t possible will tell you what sort of Dom he is.

    get some rest sweetie — we burned the candle at both ends too much — you must be worn out

    sfp

    PS — so you’re really going through with the Fucksall?

    • aisha July 7, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

      @Sfp,

      Yeah, more rest would be good. That candle burning sure was fun though!

      Yes, I am going through with it. It’ll be fine. I need the play, I really do.

      aisha

  2. Mick July 7, 2011 at 8:02 am #

    Of course she’s going through with it!!!

    Maybe there is such a thing as a every two hours raincheck for your friend?

    Mick

    • aisha July 7, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

      @Mick,

      Yep, rainchecks are mine. Monday… we’ll see if I can do better then!

      aisha

  3. vanillamom July 7, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    a good Dom realizes that, because of the work you do, life doesn’t stop for sex play. And until someone is YOUR Dom….it can’t come close to being the priority that it will become once you find the RIGHT Dom…the one who gets you, and this thing YOU do…

    baby steps.

    And that paralyzing thing? I grok that. That’s why i don’t watch the news all that much. i am just one person and it is so overwhelming, that need that exists. Mostly i think the world is as it has always been….but you are on the front lines seeing injustice every day.

    give yourself a fucking break lady…*smiles*….you see things that most of us never, ever have to deal with. We shut off the tv. We close the paper. We switch websites…while YOU? You’re in the thick of it.

    Truly…you are my hero.

    i love you heartsister…

    nilla

    • aisha July 7, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      Yes.

      Really, I just agree with everything you say, except for the part about me being a hero, and – laughing – I guess you can claim me as your hero, as long as you know how flawed i am.

      Thanks for the support, ‘Nilla. I love you dearly, and I’m counting the days til October!

      aisha

  4. angel July 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

    Hey Sugar…
    sorry i’ve been awol. You have every right to not feel when feeling would get in the way of helping. And you have every right to feel even when it gets in your way. i’d rather feel anything than feel nothing. i know you are the same in that regard.

    So often, i think…damn, it sounds like you need a long massage.
    Or a meal cooked for you. Something. But it always sounds like some lesbian overature (laugh). Yeah. No happy ending here.

    xo,
    miss ya…
    (maybe you should get sfp to move in?)

    • aisha July 8, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

      No, no, no, I wouldn’t think of it as a lesbian overture! Massage and meal would be lovely!

      Although – wait – met a Dom Wed. who wanted to supply the massage – no meal offered. I passed, thinking it was a heterosexual overture. Perhaps I was too suspicious of him?

      laughing….

      Sfp should move up here, but I think she’d miss her real life.

      Miss you too – hope school is going well.

      aisha

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