So Much to Say…

26 Jul

Some of the comments on yesterday’s post made me think about the drama triangle.  Are you all familiar with the drama triangle?  It may be the most powerful therapy tool i have, and someday, i’m going to write about it on here.  

But first I want to “play catch up” on the situation with Bob.  i’m delighted to say that we’re in complete agreement – we’re friends, and will continue to be friends, with the occasional play date to add a little spice to life.   Neither one of us wants to have an intense relationship with the other – in fact ~~

~~you may not believe this ~~

but he thinks i might be too high-maintenance a sub for his taste.   

i know ~ laughing ~ i thought, “Me????   High maintenance???”  

And then i had to laugh, cause you know, i might be.  

Although, i don’t really want to be kidnapped and controlled, well, i don’t think i do…  But i am an attention slut, this is not news.

Well, plus, as a bonus, he’s going to continue “harassing” me via text message from time to time when i’m at work.  Sheesh….  i was in a meeting with 15 people the other day when i get a text message that says, “Panties off please.”  

It cracks me up now, but at the time, i’m thinking, “WTF?  Really?  Does he really think he can just text me at random times and tell me to take my panties off?”  But obviously he can, and {laughing} i would probably miss it now if he didn’t.

{No, i didn’t go take them off during the meeting, just for the record.  And i was wearing pants anyhow.}

In any case, please be kind to Bob in the comments, because he’s a really good guy.  Not that i’m trying to tell you what to put in your comments, because that would be out of line, right?   But i’m really ok with this casual, light relationship with him.

Which takes me back to Ms. Constance’s class on play.  i think people who play publicly have an exhibitionist streak {and clearly, i have to include myself in that category.}   For the Tops there is some degree of showing their skills in what they’re doing.  

Back when i was involved with Sir D, i was just beginning to learn to be ok with him playing publicly with other people when we quit seeing each other.  It was a stretch for me to recognize that he could play with other people and it wasn’t a rejection of me.  

It became more clear Saturday, listening to Ms. Constance  talk about the value of being able to negotiate for play with a Top.  Figuring out what kind of play you want and with whom, and what you want to happen after the scene is over.  

So theoretically ~ and this used to happen to Sir D all the time ~ someone could see him playing at a party and ask him to play wth her.  She wouldn’t want or expect a relationship with him, she’d just want to  be tied up or have him set fires on her body.  If she had a Dom, Sir D could involve him in the scene too.

i didn’t get that back then.  It’s more clear to me now.  In fact, if i saw someone at a party doing shibari the way Sir D did, i might line up to ask him to play with me too.  

Ms. Constance has that happen too, of course.  People approach her and ask her to play with them – from a birthday spanking to more formal kinds of play.

That’s separate  ~ it can be separate ~ from an ongoing relationship.

Maybe youall already realized all this.   But i’m still learning.  i hope that by the time i go to COPE, i’ll be comfortable with the idea of it.  They do armbands there – so i can wear an armband that lets people know that i’d like to bottom in a scene.

But the point of  this kind of play is not sex.   When i try to describe in my head what it is for me, i get lost.  i’ll have to come back to it.

i started writing about the drama triangle earlier this morning, and was going to include that in this post, but ended up losing the draft that contained it.  Don’t really have the time ~ or the heart ~ to redo it this morning, so it will have to wait for another day.

i haven’t forgotten The Major either.  He’s still lurking in my brain, so expect Him to be back sometime soon too… 



17 Responses to “So Much to Say…”

  1. sin July 26, 2011 at 7:13 am #

    oh poo, I want to hear about the drama triange.

    Hi Bob. Yes, I agree, with Bob that you might be too hig maintenance. But you want what you want, and in the meantime it’s lovely to have a friend to mess around with.

    And Sir D … the feelings of being with someone as a Top are sometimes more complicated than just play at a party. And the feelings of the Top’s significant other can be involved too. So I will be interested in seeing where your analysis of that goes, if it goes further at all.


    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

      {mutters} i’m not too high-maintenance, just too high-maintenance for Bob….

      Hi, Sin,

      Cool, i’ll do the drama triangle tomorrow for sure.

      And you’re right about the feelings and it was more complicated with Sir D than I made it sound today. Yes, there is more to talk about… isn’t there always?


  2. Mick July 26, 2011 at 8:17 am #

    It sounds like the nature of your relationship with Bob is a nice mellow way to enjoy the things you both enjoy….

    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

      Thanks, Mick, I think you’re right. And that’s all good. aisha

  3. vanillamom July 26, 2011 at 8:28 am #

    you always write the most interesting stuff!

    in some ways, i think the play with another very much describes how play with BB was for me. There was caring and emotion there, which makes it some different, but i wasn’t looking to be his number one sub…the play was good and intense and it filled a need in me that i wasn’t getting from Sir B (which changed as you know, when He became my Master).

    But i also get how it can be play at a party and not be sexual/relationship…it can be just being tied up. It can just be being whipped. It can just be a lot of things, and not be relationship based.

    And that (for me) takes away that “cheating” aspect (as long as one is not in relationship with a Dom that forbids it, of course). It is a component to this sub/slut that i find really neat about the D/s world…you know i’m a “free love” kind of girl anyway, but this hmmm, whats the word? liberty? perhaps…freedom, certainly, to explore? Open and lucid forums to explore our sensual side, our bondage fetishes-whatever you’re groove is…its part of the allure of this dark little world for me.

    am i making any sense?

    *smiling* (still tired from Sunday!)


    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:21 pm #


      And you leave such interesting comments.

      What you say does make a lot of sense, and I’ll need to come back and revist these comments when I start my next piece on this.

      BTW, can’t wait to hear about Sunday…


  4. angel July 26, 2011 at 8:30 am #

    The HOH have conflicting opinions on the idea that play can be kept seperate from overall emotions (imagine that!). Personally, i am not an exhibitionist but i enjoy public play for a few reasons. Here is one: 1. it makes me into an open vessel in a different way. i am free to exist in a more objectified way because there is a built in “safety net” in a room full of other people. Not only b/c someone would step in if it was clearly out of hand but because everyone in that room has some idea of what i’m going through. i like the energy that is added to the mix. i have an opinion that what we do is really an energy exchange rather than a power exchange. From the kitchen to the bedroom, i like to feed people. The public play is a means to that end. 😀

    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm #


      More interesting material – I’ll come back and steal it for my post after I’ve pondered it enough. I like the idea of play being a way to feed people. It is a huge energy exchange. Yes.



  5. thesubmissivebf July 26, 2011 at 9:42 am #

    I want to hear about triangle too but I am torn because I have grown quite attached to the Major.


    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm #

      Thanks, Sbf, I’m kinda torn myself! aisha

  6. Naida July 26, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

    I have never been in the situation of playing with other people. I am too self conscious and Master and I seem to be hermits 🙂 Interesting to think about though. I’m glad you have Bob to keep you on your toes 😉 The triangle will be interesting, can’t wait to read that too.

    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:26 pm #

      Thanks, Naida. It seems like people that share kink and vanilla aspects are less likely to be involved in playing with other people – well, I write that, and immediately I think of several couples I’ve met in LTR or marriages with a kink partner who play with others often. So scratch that… More to think about.



  7. Giggling Bunny July 26, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    I know what you mean. I started into this lifestyle with expectations that I would only play with a monogamous partner. After a while and not finding such a partner, I started trying things little by little until I was in full blown non-sexual scenes with tops I had no romantic or D/s relationship with.

    Now I feel comfortable playing with rope tops in a non-sexual casual environment but I still hope to find the right man to be my Bf/Daddy/Dom and when I do, casual play with others may or may not continue. I’m not sure.

    • aisha July 26, 2011 at 8:28 pm #

      It sounds like we’re going to end up in the same place, doesn’t it? I came into the lifestyle attached, even if it was loosely attached, and am just now venturing into different kinds of play.

      And still I want the whole “The One” thing. And like you, don’t know whether casual play would continue or not at that point. I suspect it would depend on Him and how He felt about it.


      • Giggling Bunny July 27, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

        Exactly, it will probably mostly depend on him

  8. Lady P July 30, 2011 at 6:50 am #

    Ahem….what is COPE and LTR???


    • aisha July 30, 2011 at 6:58 am #

      @Lady P – I’m sorry – I hate when people do that and I don’t know what they’re talking about. LTR is Long Term Relationship. COPE is Central Ohio Something Something – Perverts Event? Something like that. It’s a wonderful weekend of classes and dungeon play that’s held every year in September.

      Thanks for asking!


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