Quickie

22 Aug

No, i swear i haven’t forgotten The Major and His slut.

However ~~

My car is having issues – got to get it to the shop by 7:30 this morning, and have absolutely promised myself a full 30 minute exercise regime every morning, which i’ve been neglecting lately.  i’ve improved my eating habits a lot, but am not where i want to be with that either.

So i don’t have time to do The Major right now – He takes a long time, it’s like i have to channel Him.  Don’t laugh – i swear He has a life of His own.

And, i need to talk about this anyhow.

Saturday, i had this wonderful conversation with New Dom  ~ which is NOT what i’m going to call him, or just for the moment anyhow.   At least, i really enjoyed it.  He and i share some vanilla interests, and it was pretty much a vanilla conversation, and i really like the way he thinks.

Then i don’t hear from him yesterday.  At all.  

Which, since we’ve gone from lots of contact to none, it makes me think he’s changed his mind and isn’t interested anymore.  Or ~~

maybe he just needs to back off for a minute.  Or ~~

maybe he read my blog post yesterday and thinks i’m too mentally/emotionally involved with MoR to be a good sub possibility?

So with those possibilities in front of me, then what do i do?  Well, of course i back off too.

i did email him, just a quick “hi,” in case he thought i wasn’t interested. 

And now i wait.

Damn it.  i hate this, hate this, hate this.  And yet ~~

i think i am only really drawn to men who are prone to backing off and making me wonder if they’re gone.

Sheesh.  Stupid Daddy issues?  i’m not even gonna think about that today.  Just call me Scarlet.

So i went to the kinky discussion group yesterday.  The topic was guilt and fear, and it was pretty interesting.  There were a lot of switches there, which was pretty cool also.  If i weren’t so submissive, i’d be a switch.  {laughing…}

But i had a good time, and maybe learned something, not so much about fear and guilt, but about the community and the people in it.   One of the more interesting parts was listening to people talk about how and when they really knew they were a sub or a dom or a switch.

i told my story about Mike Moore and the realization that i am submissive, and that was kind of fun.  Just talking about him brings back such good memories ~ the not-so-good ones have faded long ago. If he were still alive, the temptation to run by his house for some affection and a few orgasms would be just about overwhelming.  

And whether or not i ever hear from New Dom again (i’m going to call him CT for now, which he would understand) i have a lot to look forward to.  

Only two and a half weeks til COPE.  37 days til ‘Nilla’s visit.  And later in October, i’m going to Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  How cool is that?

And really, i don’t have to have a Dom to be happy, right?



16 Responses to “Quickie”

  1. Jz August 22, 2011 at 6:06 am #

    Cake is still good, even without icing…

    • sin August 22, 2011 at 7:09 am #

      Clicking the like button on the cake.

      Good for you for the exercising.

      Hi New Dom.

      • aisha August 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

        @Sin,

        Yep. Life is good.

        hug,

        aisha

  2. thesubmissivebf August 22, 2011 at 7:09 am #

    I just had this conversation with my V friend about men initiating contact and then poof they disappear. I think a lot has to do with the anonymity of the Internet and sometimes stuff happens. Leaving us doubting ourselves.
    Keep the faith that one day…we will find what we want.
    Butterfly

    • aisha August 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

      @Butterfly,

      I really like that you’re calling yourself “Butterfly” now.

      Yes, that does happen, and sometimes they “pouf” back and sometimes they don’t. If I sounded whiny and pathetic here, I didn’t mean to.

      I’m just surprised when it goes from 0 to – maybe not 60, maybe 45, and then back to zero. And it makes me wonder.

      And I guess really, that was my point, that I can be happy regardless.

      Thanks for the vote of confidence!

      aisha

  3. Bob August 22, 2011 at 11:09 am #

    It could also be that he, like many people, has a life that does not encompass D/S 24/7.

    I have neither the time nor the desire to spend all my spare time in it, and that’s one reason that you and I will never have more than an occasional get-together, you NEED it, i WANT it….big difference.

    • vanillamom August 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

      Dear Bob,

      i’m not gonna snark at you in response (tho with all due respect, your response did rather sound that way to this sub….) …

      but needing and wanting are not so terribly far apart that there cannot be middle ground found.

      And it can encompass D/s without it being totally that. There are so many lines on the spectrum of D/s and i am pretty certain that aisha couldn’t/wouldn’t be a 24/7 slave either…her vanilla life is pretty full.

      nilla

    • aisha August 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

      Dear Bob,

      I don’t quite know how to respond to this, or even if I should – like ‘Nilla, I don’t want to sound snarky, and it would be easy to do.

      Um, I’m quite sure CT’s life doesn’t encompass D/s 24/7, in fact we spent a bunch of time talking about things that weren’t D/s related at all. I know you mentioned a while back that you thought I wanted a 24/7 situation, like my fantasy, but that’s a fantasy. It turns me on, but I can’t imagine that it would work for me.

      I’m not sure what you mean when you say I “NEED” it. I do spend more time exploring aspects of the lifestyle than you; blogging, reading blogs, going to discussions and classes. A lot of that is just interesting to me, and allows me to explore an aspect of life and of myself that I didn’t know what to do with for about 40 years.

      That’s not to say anything negative about you for not doing the same.

      If you mean I need to be in a relationship, I’m not sure what you’re basing that on. I would like to, yes, but if I were desperately in need of it, I’d already be in one.

      I guess I thought we were both already comfortable with the idea that we weren’t going to have an ongoing D/s relationship, so your response surprised me a little bit. But if this post confirmed that for you, that’s fine too.

      I always appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your thoughts.

      aisha

  4. vanillamom August 22, 2011 at 11:53 am #

    i hate that, too.

    and once Master’s phone went on the fritz and he was out of contact for 36 hours and i was *frantic*….

    so…sometimes it is something rather mundane, too.

    His car got a flat and he was pre-occupied fixing that
    His dog threw up on the carpet and he spent the day getting a cleaner and getting that stubborn stain out
    He noticed how long the grass was getting. And when he was done mowing the 32 acres of it, he saw how bad the hedge was, and had to attend to that. Then the jewelweed had gone crazy in the side garden and and …before he knew it, it was dark and time for the football game.

    Yanno, stuff like that just happens, aisha.

    (i know, i am verrah bad…its cool and lovely here and i’m frisky with it!)

    nilla

    • aisha August 22, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

      @’Nilla,

      I know – I’m not upset or anything. Just wondering.

      And i love that story, btw, I can just picture your Master, taking care of business, and you worried. We do that sometimes for sure, particularly early on.

      But for what it’s worth – not so worried. Curious.

      (And you are not bad at all, much less verah bad – it’s kind of cool here too, which is a nice change! Glad you’re enjoying it!)

      aisha

  5. Faithful August 22, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    Men are men- D/s or vanilla and daily contact at first is not reasonable – as they are not wired that way.
    Hopefully he has a life outside of D/s and was spending his Sunday appropriately with family/friends etc.

    So just breathe and try to have fun and not take it all so seriously at first.. (easier said than done right?)

    btw- my Sir reached out last night so we are talking. He needed the 3 days to assess the situation. Just taking it one day at a time myself.

    ~hugs~
    faithful

    • aisha August 22, 2011 at 8:23 pm #

      @Faithful –

      So that’s what I’m saying – is there was a bunch of contact, and then nothing. That’s all. Yes, he does have a life outside of D/s, and I’m sure he was spending his Sunday “appropriately” – or not, I don’t have any claim to his time at all.

      Breathing… thanks

      I’m glad you and your Sir are talking again though… smiling. One day at a time is all we got.

      hugs,

      aisah

  6. Sky August 22, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    Dear Aisha,

    I cannot speak for or to your situation, but your “regular” life seems very full. I think like the majority of people, you would like to find someone who “gets you”, both in and out of the bedroom.

    Hang in there – the right MAN for you is out there!

    I hope your car gets sorted out soon!

    And before I met my DM (or did he meet me?), I used to chat online with men and had more than my share of men who were “enthralled” one minute and “gone” the next.

    It’s THEIR loss, Aisha. 🙂 You are spot on. You don’t HAVE to have a Dom to feel happy. But, being close to a special someone, can bring us even more happiness.

    Take care,
    Sky

  7. angel August 23, 2011 at 12:03 pm #

    I think what you are looking for is simple courtesy and some semblance of stability. It makes sense that when you have spent time sharing yourself with someone and they spent time with you that experiencing them just dropping off the radar is confusing, at best.

    You were born human, first. Humans have differing needs for contact.
    Frankly, it could have been any reason under the sun that they guy stepped back for a minute. The thing is though, in making that choice, he just told you something about himself. He told you that he thinks its fine to share something and then step back. That might not work for you. Because, really, even if he was mowing 32 acres, a quick text could still happen. If he was with friends, a quick email could still happen.

    As far as needing D/s…you know what? i do think that you need it.
    That doesn’t mean you don’t get vanilla time or vanilla experiences. You need that too. You have a career. You have close family and friends. i think the right Dom for you will want to nurture those things in you, not chain you to a bed someplace. 😛

    The thing is…there is absolutely no reason that you can’t have all of the things you need and love in life.
    This goes back to symbolism and how that builds a framework. When that is in place, it is a lifestyle. It is how you view what you are doing that matters more than the thing itself.

    Only people who assume that kink is the heart of the lifestyle are confused in this matter.

    You could be at work, wearing shoes and an outfit your Dom picked out, making your smart brain work hard because it pleases him to have such a smart slave. The framework could be anything at all.
    A million little things a day will remind you who you are when its right. Few of them will involve a fuck saw or whatever (eye roll).

    • aisha August 23, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

      Dear Angel,

      This is another wise and beautiful response.

      I’m too tired to think straight, but if I weren’t, i’d tell you all the reasons I love this framework you create here. Maybe tomorrow.

      Thank you,

      aisha

  8. Giggling Bunny August 25, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    Guys that dont respond right away and back off some….yeah. That drives me crazy. And yet at the same time, a guy that is the total opposite is also annoying.

    Balance is usually nice =) I hope you hear from him soon.

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