C.O.P.E. ~ Raven and Josh

14 Sep

For starters, here is Raven’s website.   http://www.ravenkaldera.org/

Before i met him, i was a little unsure how i felt about his paganism.  It seemed ~ i don’t know. Unreal somehow.  It seemed {forgive me pagan folk} it seemed flaky.  i guess that’s how other people feel about BDSM.

But once i met Raven, those doubts just fell away.  He is solid.

And his boy, Josh, made a comment in Sir Top and slavebonnie’s class that made me think they knew what they were talking about.  That they had some education, had done some research on their topic.

i had not planned to go to their class on polyamory.  You know, polyamory is not really my thing.  i’ve been saying i don’t share well, and been quite serious about it.  

But my idea of polyamory has been the model of a Master who says to his slave, “I want another slave,” and brings another woman into the relationship.  Raven’s polyamory certainly doesn’t fit that model.  As he says, it’s not all about sex, it’s about family.

So he starts by telling the story of his family.  i won’t try to tell his story, you can read it on his website.  But let me just say, his family doesn’t fit the other stereotype we have about poly relationships ~  the old Mormon polygamy, also one man and more than one woman. 

As Raven talked about his own poly family, i watched him and Josh.   They were relaxed and comfortable with each other.  Josh contributed equally to the presentation.  The care and devotion between them shone.

Raven talked about the rules for poly relationships.  He’s written a book on this, so i won’t try to cram it all into this post.  But it’s important.

The first rule, he says, is that the person who has the least power, is the one who needs to be listened to first, not the one who’s primary or most important.  The least has to be first.

That doesn’t mean they get the power to decide, or that the Master is submitting to them  in some way.  But they have the least recourse ~ the least power to impact the situation.  So the Master needs to make sure they’re ok first.  They are the most vulnerable.

For me, hearing Raven articulate this created safe space.  i stayed in my chair, but mentally, i was sitting at his feet.

8 Responses to “C.O.P.E. ~ Raven and Josh”

  1. ahiddenslave September 14, 2011 at 7:36 am #

    I like that aisha, a lot

    …the one with the least power needs to be listened to first….very wise…another website for me to look at…you seem to have been captivated…I have so much reading to do…thank you.

    • aisha September 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

      Thank you, HS. I am a little captivated, he’s a shaman and a wise man and I have so much to learn…


  2. vanillamom September 14, 2011 at 10:56 am #

    He has a very magnetic, soothing persona, doesn’t he? We’ve not been up to his farm in ages…tho my kids went to a service during the summer where he was the leader. (i, funnily enough, didn’t know then that He was so deep in the lifestyle, and after dropping off my kids, went to visit my Master…isn’t that odd?!)



    • aisha September 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm #


      Yesssss, he does, and I can’t believe you know him Just one more super cool thing about you! lol

      Ok I’ve gotta tell you this, he said something at some point about the people that live around him, adding, “I don’t think the lesbian ladies we know quite get it…”

      and I wanted to jump up and say, “UH HUH, they do tooo! ‘Nilla does! If you only knew!!”

      Laughing… but i didn’t, i just sat there quietly.



  3. Bill September 14, 2011 at 11:31 am #

    Very good article, lots to think about in it!

    • aisha September 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

      Thanks, Bill, I’m glad you liked it! aisha

  4. vanillamom September 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

    OMG! That’s too wonderfully funny, isn’t it? I know, but He doesnt know that I know and wifey doesn’t know …i’m confusing myself now, rough day here…but…nodding hard…yeah.

    Raven and i may well wind up with a quiet word on the qt sometime..


    • aisha September 15, 2011 at 5:10 am #

      It is too funny. And I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you have that quiet word sometime!


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