Subspace for Me

18 Sep

When He puts the collar on me, it does something to me.  

The feeling of the material against my neck.  Whether it’s rope, a little stiff and rough, or leather, flexible and already broken in, it does something to me.

i am already a little on edge, because He is here, because we have finished dinner, because i have some idea what is coming next.  When He says, “Get your mat,” it ups the ante, i know it is time ~ let the games begin.

i know what to expect.  He has let me know some things that will happen each time, and my body is responding to the anticipation of what is coming.

i learn quickly, and the patterns feel engrained already.  My body trembles with anticipation, and a touch of anxiety.

As i get the mat, everything else falls away.  The act of preparing it ~ laying it out on the ground, putting a towel over it ~ these physical movements increase my arousal.

i know some things that will happen; i don’t know other things.  i know the order  of the implements he will use on me.  i don’t know how long, or how hard, or how well i’ll take it.  

i know we’ll practice positions.  

i don’t know what other things He will ask of me, or whether i’ll please Him with my responses.

All of these things are floating in my mind somewhere, increasing my arousal.  It is arousal in the sexual sense, and also just arousal in the “adrenaline flowing” sense.  

i am ready to act, attuned to Him, wanting to respond.

As I lay out the mat, my awareness of my own physical being increases.  The movements involved in doing it.  The way my hands and arms work.  My leg muscles as i kneel, the movement of my breasts as i arrange the towel.  

i am already wet.  

i sit on the towel, and wait.  Not for long, but in that minute or two ~

~~ anticipation builds.  

My awareness of my body increases.

My mind grows still.  i am open and receptive.

 i am not thinking in words anymore; there are sensations and images in my mind, but mostly i am focused right here and now.

When He sits in front of me, my attention becomes completely His.  

“Kneel,” He says.  “Do you remember that position?”

i do, and i move smoothly and quickly, wanting to do it just right.

He picks up the collar, “Leather tonight,” He says, and i know how it will feel around my neck.  “Come here.”

i scoot forward on my knees and He smiles a little.

i know, because He has told me before, that once He puts the collar on me, He expects me to obey Him without question.  i am not thinking about that, but that knowing is there.

As He puts it around my neck, i feel something inside me shift.  It is a breaking open ~ i don’t know how else to describe it.

He claims me with the collar, and i respond by opening to Him.  My heart opens, my mind is totally focused on Him, totally receptive.

My spirit opens.

As He buckles the collar, pulls it tight, there is awareness of my breath.  Of vulnerability.   The tension up just a notch ~ instinctive, not afraid, but hyper alert.

When He settles the collar into place, everything in me is His, the shift is more profound.  i am transformed.  Focused, open, receptive, totally in the here and now…

He has claimed me, i am His.

12 Responses to “Subspace for Me”

  1. Mick September 18, 2011 at 8:48 am #

    good place to be. Mick

    • aisha September 18, 2011 at 7:23 pm #

      @Mick ~ {grinning…} Yeah, it really is. aisha

  2. nilla September 18, 2011 at 8:52 am #

    yeah…it’s a good place to be…that part…”As He buckles the collar, pulls it tight, there is awareness of my breath. Of vulnerability. The tension up just a notch ~ instinctive, not afraid, but hyper alert.”

    yes, that;s really it, isn’t that so the tension cranks up almost audibly…and its not fear…but that hyper-alertness…

    Master has asked me that before…”are you afraid” and i say no…but …hyper-alert…yes…perfectly describes that particular state of being.

    Sounds like things are reallly cooking over there!!!

    Hugs,

    nilla

    • aisha September 18, 2011 at 7:25 pm #

      @’Nilla,

      Not only are “things cooking” over here, but, as my great-aunt used to say, “We’re cooking with gas now!” LOL

      And yes, the hyper alertness is because there’s potential danger, and the heightened awareness connects with that, and it all keeps us in the here and now, focused on Him…

      Yeah. Super good place to be.

      Hug,

      aisha

  3. Donna September 18, 2011 at 10:09 am #

    In case you can’t see through the screen, I’m doing the Snoopy Dance of Joy for my friend aisha.

    Hmm…I wonder if Lucy ever collared Schroeder…or did Schroeder collar her???

    Hugs to you and Yours,
    Donna

    • aisha September 18, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

      @Donna,

      Thanks! I appreciate you sharing the joy!

      As for Lucy and Schroeder ~ o, my. I kinda like the idea of him collaring her… lol.

      Hugs,

      aisha

  4. perfectlips September 18, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    Yes it would be nice to have such a pet.

    • aisha September 18, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

      Dear PL,

      That’s an interesting comment, and I’m not sure if it’s a compliment or ~ um, or what it is… laughing… i think.

      aisha

  5. Andi September 18, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

    I’m happy for you! And like you once told me, if I didn’t like you so much I’d be jealous. 🙂

    • aisha September 18, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

      @Andi,

      That’s right, I did say that, didn’t I? Well, I’m even more glad now that I didn’t waste any energy being jealous!!

      Thanks for enjoying with me!

      aisha

  6. sin September 18, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

    There’s an intensity, a receptiveness isn’t there?

    • aisha September 18, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

      @Sin,

      Yes.

      Absolutely.

      A big part of it is in that, I think.

      aisha

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