What’s Wrong with me? ~ A Ridiculous Rant

24 Sep

No, nothing awful has happened.  Sir X hasn’t sprouted horns or anything.

It’s shaving.  This may be TMI for you ~ feel free to stop reading now.

But i don’t get it.  i shave with my battery operated razor til i don’t see any hair in my magnified mirror, or feel any.  All smooth and happy, i jump in the shower.

Soaped up down there ~ and guess what?  i can feel a zillion prickly hairs sticking straight up, stabbing me like a frigging five o’clock shadow.  Only it’s been 5 minutes.

Damn.

So i use my no bumps bikini crap, and a brand new razor, and i shave again.  And again.

i must have some kind of Godzilla Gorilla hair, y’all.  It won’t frigging shave.  

It laughs at me.

i can’t go back to waxing.  That one woman i went to drove me off with her Tea Party ranting.  i don’t want to offend anybody, and i’m fine with you being a Tea Partier, but please don’t preach it to me while you’ve got me splayed out on the table and you’re ripping hair off my pussy.

The other woman i went to, did a crappy job and took forever.

And besides, it’s great while it lasts, but it doesn’t last long enough.  Not for someone i’ m going to see regularly.

And no, He hasn’t complained.  And even if it bothered Him, i don’t think He’d trade me in for a sub who could shave better.  

But really ~ what’s wrong with me?  Why can’t i do this right?  Other people do.

Y’all do.

It’s one of those things that makes me feel like a failure as a female.

Quit laughing.

One of my daughters ~ my older one ~ actually gently reproved me a while back for not having told her that women were supposed to shave their “privates.”  Really, she said that.

i was too stunned to say anything ~ well, my usual snarky, “Sheesh, one more reason i didn’t get “Mother of the Year.”  But i thought, well, damn, i wasn’t shaving back then.  You mean everyone else was???

And i don’t believe that for a moment.  Actually, i did shave a couple of times back then, but it wasn’t something my spouse cared about, so i didn’t do it anymore.

Anyhow, ok, that’s a long time ago.  Letting it go, letting it go…

What matters is now.

So, WTH?

Maybe it’s because i don’t have years of practice shaving my legs.  i epiladay, and i’ve been doing that for so long, i hardly have hair on my legs.  But i don’t think i can do that “there.” 

Looking for your collective wisdom and expertise… what do i need to do?  

22 Responses to “What’s Wrong with me? ~ A Ridiculous Rant”

  1. sin September 24, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

    giggle…

    I don’t know. I have no wisdom to impart. I shave but I’m not very careful. I shave every day or 2, everything I’m gonna shave, and it’s reasonably smooth. No one complains… so I figure its ok. Maybe a little bit of perfectionism getting in your way there Aisha?

    I totally get what you mean about the tea party conversation. I went for a massage, I had messed up my shoulder and needed it, and the guy complained the whole time. His life sucked, very bleak view of the world and I was like “Dude, I’m lying here naked, trying to relax, I sooooo do not want to listen to a rant about how your life sucks. So I didn’t go back.

    • aisha September 24, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

      Dear sin,

      Yes. This is what makes you a better woman than me. Laughing…

      You could probably fix the collar on this sweater too.

      Hugs

      Aisha

      Sent from my iPhone

  2. Bill September 24, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    You might try a moisturizer and I will happily volunteer to apply it! Just kidding, maybe a little. that said, shaving can be a pain, have you tried some of the hair removers, some people swear by them and some at them! Not sure there’s a good answer to this one>

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:13 am #

      Thanks, Bill ~ you are too good to me! Laughing…

      Yeah, I’ve tried Nair before and it didn’t do anything – on my legs. But that was a long time ago. Thanks for the suggestion.

      aisha

  3. Donna September 24, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

    Isn’t Bill a generous man? He likes me shaved, so shaved it is.

    In the shower every morning, the warm water and steam softens things up, leg up on shower seat for maximum exposure, good quality (and scented) shaving cream generously applied, pull the skin taut, grab the razor and there you go. Maybe you are shaving without the skin pulled taut enough? Rinse and repeat the next day. lol

    I prefer Venus razors. They are more expensive but the cartridges last a long time.
    Donna

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:15 am #

      @Donna,

      Ok, Venus razors, taut skin. Got it. Thanks!!

      Yeah, I think not taut enough might be a problem. But – ok don’t laugh, how do I hold it taut enough with one hand, when I need the other hand for the razor????

      Ok, never mind. laughing…

      Thanks for the advice!

      aisha

  4. perfect71ps September 24, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    Is shaving something that Doms ask for? When I was still reading softcore porn in the 90s it was still slightly outré. I can’t help thinking it’s infantilism.

    Personally I would prefer a tidy little bush (my formative porn was from the 80s).

    • aisha September 24, 2011 at 5:08 pm #

      Thank you!!!!!

      THATS why I didn’t tell my daughter to shave!

      O, you leave a strip to prove you’re a grown up.

      Big kiss,

      Aisha

      Sent from my iPhone

  5. Striving for Peace September 24, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    I am terrible at shaving — my first time around on dating — no one did it

    now — I guess everyone does

    I can never get it all that smooth — but I use one of the chemical (ok — my brain’s not working I want to call it a defoliant — which is wrong – -but funny) when I’m going to see him — and then mop up with the razor

    M doesn’t complain

    but then again — I think he’s just polite

    I have to wear my glasses which makes me feel very silly with my mirror and glasses trying to see my pussy over my boobs

    I think we just need to start making bush exciting again

    perhaps we can make it pervy and get it back into fashion?

    are you with me my sisters?!!?

    sigh

    I think it’s hopeless

    sfp

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:17 am #

      @Sfp,

      You and me, at the end of the line when they were handing out girly-girl stuff… Yeah, I have to wear my glasses too, and I can’t do it in the shower cause it’s too foggy.

      And – here’s what’s awful ~ I don’t know if I want to go back to unshaven… weird, huh?

      aisha

  6. Faithful September 24, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    just for you Aisha – isn’t the internet grand?

    http://www.wikihow.com/Shave-Your-Bikini-Area-Completely

    ~faithful

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:19 am #

      @Faithful,

      Yes! Very cool link – thank you! I love the net.

      aisha

  7. alice September 24, 2011 at 7:17 pm #

    I’m sure if I tried to be bare there it would turn out exactly the same for me Prickly and difficult to maintain. So I don’t even try, despite the fact that I have been asked to. It’s a hard limit for me I’m afraid. Although I usually very obliging in this case trimmed just has to be good enough.

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:22 am #

      @Alice,

      Ahhhh, you are clearly more principled than I am. I respect that. I should probably have drawn that line myself, but I started out with men who liked doing it for me, which I found to be a very sensual experience.

      Now, here I am, on my own… ain’t that the way it goes?

      laughing…

      aisha

  8. Sky September 24, 2011 at 8:40 pm #

    Aisha, Before my Master told me to stop shaving because it is not his preference, a clean hairless pussy…I used and swear by a product/shaver called Body Bare. I won’t go into detail and repeat what is on their website, but it is the BEST personal shaver!! Smooth as a babys bottom! Everywhere! And you can NEVER nick or cut yourself. Uses baby powder, dry shaving. Better than razors.

    I have done it all. Waxing, sugar waxing (love it!) and razors, tweezing even! It takes A LOT of time and effort.

    I do know that opening the pores up works better than shaving without the pores being open.

    Good luck! Seriously, though – try the Body Bare!

    Take care,

    Sky

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:25 am #

      @Sky,

      Body Bare. Ok, cool. I’m on it.

      Yeah, I really liked waxing too, but had a bad experience with sugar waxing. My mean Tea Party woman was really good at the whole waxing thing… too bad she was so verbally poisonous.

      But ~ Body Bare. Thank you so much.

      aisha

  9. vanillamom September 24, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

    you need to get me a box of tissues, coz seriously?

    i laughed so hard i have tears and snot everywhere…

    omfg..

    nilla

    i got this little electric shaver at walmart for just under $20 and i think it does a great job. Master shaved me last time we had playtime, and He did a good job and was satisfied with it.

    and i only though us perview shaved?

    but my SIL told me the other day that she hated pubic hair (my wife doesn’t shave at all and it looks like a jungle clawing out her bikini bottoms. Seriously.

    Gross.

    TMI, much, nilla??? See now ya’ll recognize me at the beach, the short redhead with the furry bottomed wife ….

    *goes off into more *HOWLS* of hysterical laughter*

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:30 am #

      Omg, quit laughing, that’s just mean… lol

      I’m glad my feminine failings are fodder for your amusement, Missy!

      As for the rest of it, well, first, yes, I thought just us sex slaves shaved, which is another reason why I was speechless when my daughter brought it up. If you know what I mean. Cause if she’s a sex slave {and my older daughter? O, I don’t think so…} but if she is, she surely wouldn’t be thinking that I should have told her to shave, right?

      LOL

      And personally, pubic hair doesn’t offend me at all. Very European, at least old school European. However, I do know that it’s not acceptable to show it here…

      And omigod, what a great discussion this has been!

      Can’t wait to be talking in person…

      hug,

      aisha

  10. vanillamom September 24, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    pervies, not perview….

    *giggling*

    n

    • aisha September 25, 2011 at 6:32 am #

      Laughing… yeah, actually this time, I wasn’t sure what you meant. laughing.. i kept going ~ “perview? Like pay per view??? No, that’s not right…”

      Thank you, ‘Nilla, for being you.

      aisha

  11. Andi September 26, 2011 at 11:27 pm #

    I always have shaving dilemmas “/ and then of course razor burn or some other something. Almost severed my clit once. Fun right?!!

    • aisha September 27, 2011 at 4:39 am #

      @Angel,

      Exactly. Lots of hassle with little reward. Even if we do get it right, we just have to do it all over again.

      Sigh.

      At least I’m not the only one.

      And thank goodness you didn’t slice your clit off! That would have been tragic!!

      aisha

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