Yep, Much Better

29 Sep

You know, i am all about words.  Not just on my blog, but in my job, in my relationships.  So somehow, i thought that Sir X and i would talk about the things going on with me.

At first, while Sir X and i were eating dinner, and chatting, i was thinking we were building up to some intense conversation.  

Quit laughing.

i had already told him some of what was going on with me, so he knew the outline of my angst.  And ~ you know, i work with a building full of therapists if i want to talk, not to mention my subsisters who are such a wonderful source of support.  So i just figured He’d be asking me questions and we’d go on from there.

When that didn’t happen right away, i thought about steering the conversation in that direction.   After all, wasn’t that what i needed?

But i stopped myself.  

If this is about submission, and it is, then maybe, i thought, maybe i will trust Him to lead tonight.

So i left the evening in His hands, and long, angst filled conversations were not on the agenda.

There was a collar, a more intricately designed one, with a ring in the front and the back.  As He puts it on me, i begin to slip into a different head space.

There are the cuffs, ankles and wrists.  i sit at His feet and offer my right wrist, left wrist, right ankle, left ankle.

My wrists fastened together with a metal clip, pulled above my head.

Ahhhhh.

Face to the door, ass pushed out, as directed.

Ahhhhhh.

Hand, flogger, stingy rope, and belt.

And then…

Tonight, taken down and led to the couch.  Bent over the arm while He begins to explore with

{drum roll, please}

                       The Canes.

Yikes.

Only a few times with each one, but o, my.  

And afterwards, there was touch, pleasing and being pleased and…

….sigh.  It was lovely.  And just what i needed.

Thinking about it this morning, it makes perfect sense.

He took me out of my head, out of my ruminating misery, and grounded me in my body.  Brought me into the moment.

This might sound silly, but He didn’t tell me that i’m useful and do a good job at work and all kinds of things He could have said.  Instead, He showed me the connection between us, He held me with His hands, He held me with rope and leather.

And He used some of the languages of love.  

Touch, for sure.

Time spent and attention, o, yes.

And words of affirmation.  He talked about how i pleased Him.  The dinner i fixed him pleased Him..  My responses to His touch.  My submission to His directions.  My acceptance of  pain. 

i pleased Him.

Maybe only a submissive in the kind of angst i was in can really appreciate the beauty of that.

And the physical-ness of it ~ the concrete reality of it ~ pulls me away from my own abstract, in- my -head world.  

That may not be what i need always. 

And i think Sir X is a man who can do the words too.

But the ritual of it, the intensity of it, the immediacy ~ those are gifts He brought me last night.

Mmmmmm.

So this morning?  Yep.  Much better, thanks.

{Grinning}

20 Responses to “Yep, Much Better”

  1. ahiddenslave September 29, 2011 at 7:01 am #

    aisha, the words “i pleased him”, are the ones that make us, as submissives so happy, feel, so fulfilled. You are right, they take from us, those feelings that threaten to overwhelm us and fill our heads. The feeling when it goes is wonderful….enjoy:)
    HSxx

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm #

      @HS,

      Yes, you’re so right. That’s the crux of it ~ well, one crux, if you can say that. It is a lovely feeling…

      hug,

      aisha

  2. vanillamom September 29, 2011 at 8:15 am #

    *smiling*

    i’ve said to Master several times, when my life gets so keyed up like that….”ohgawd, Master, i sooooo need a spanking…”

    and He almost always, instead of saying “why”, answers with “yes, you do, little girl”…and that helps when we cannot make the physical a reality.

    kind of a reality ….check….*smiling*

    and this so resonated with me.

    The sound of the clips attaching wrists…not a big sound in the full truth of things…but a ginormous sound when we are in pain in our heads, that somehow reaches through that inner fog, and gives us someplace to reach toward.

    i love you, heart sis…

    nilla

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:29 pm #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      And you’ll be here in 6 more days, well 5 if you don’t count today anymore!!

      Yes, that whole “need a spanking thing” – I’m not sure I really got it before now… today, it makes perfect sense.

      “The sound of the clips attaching wrists…” Yes. And all the little sounds, Him taking his belt off, the sound of the floggers,

      so much…

      Love you too, sister of mine.

      aisha

  3. vanillamom September 29, 2011 at 8:16 am #

    and look who is almost at 60,000 hits! Woot! That came fast, didn’t it?!!

    nilla

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

      I know! It did come fast, very exciting!

      aisha

  4. sin September 29, 2011 at 8:28 am #

    Hmmm, this is a lot like my post from yesterday. Sometimes the physical trumping the emotional is what we need for a little while at least.

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

      @Sin ~ YES! I thought the same thing – I had just finished this when I read yours and I thought, omigosh, we’re living some kind of parallel lives. Exactly.

      aisha

  5. perfectlips September 29, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    > He took me out of my head,
    > out of my ruminating misery,
    > and grounded me in my body.
    > Brought me into the moment.

    This is probably the kernel of what fascinates me about submission: a kind of sensual overwhelming(?). It’s certainly why I hang around these blogs (that and the sexy stories). I would love to have access to that somehow.

    PL

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

      @PL,

      Interesting, that this is the part that calls you. Do you want to give that sensation, or get it?

      aisha

      • perfectlips September 30, 2011 at 5:22 am #

        Get. (thanks for asking:) PL

  6. Bill September 29, 2011 at 9:29 am #

    Glad to see that your emotional life is being taken in hand, we all need to feel needed and loved.

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

      @Bill,

      Thanks -yes, we do, and that is a big part of it, isn’t it? {smiling…} i’m a lucky sub….

      aisha

      {And only six more day til I get to meet you and Donna!! Yay!!!}

  7. Faithful September 29, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    The last time I was with my Master~ it was the same connection- I was suffering terribly (loss of my Best friend ) and along with his words – it was the physical aspect of his touch, his love that embraced me. He also made love to me- soft, sweet, sensual- that on top of the D/s aspect was all I needed. I was able to face her funeral, her family and our friends and I am certain it was only because of how my Master centered me. Amazing gifts the give to us indeed!

    So glad Sir X is in your life…. and that you are able to share it with us.

    ~faithful

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

      @Faithful,

      Gosh, I’m sorry to hear about your loss – and so glad your Master was able to be there for you in that way. It is amazing, isn’t it???

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

      hugs,

      aisha

  8. greengirl September 29, 2011 at 11:25 am #

    He sounds very astute, intuitive. And you are both learning each other, taking those guesses and reading the results. And along the way, learning more about yourselves, all of which makes the goodness between you even more. What a great thing.

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:40 pm #

      @Gg,

      {Sigh of contentment…}

      He is…. all those things and much more….

      And yes, He is learning me very strategically, and letting me learn Him.

      {Another happy sigh….}

      And sometimes I’m quite spacy these days. But yes, I am learning more about myself and about kink and all kinds of things.

      Thanks,

      aisha

  9. Mick September 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    sometimes the best antidote to work place angst is a total escape, if only for a few hours.

    Mick

    • aisha September 29, 2011 at 8:41 pm #

      @Mick,

      No doubt! Of course some people get that escape every few hours… laughing….

      aisha

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Give or get? « La Renaissance - October 1, 2011

    […] Aisha recently asked Do you want to give that sensation, or get it? […]

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