A Different Kind of Stillness

1 Oct

Yesterday, i was looking for that mindful emptying of distracting thoughts, the centered feeling that calms.   A good night’s sleep last night, no jail runs before dawn, and plans with Sir X to look forward to, make that kind of stillness easier to find.

Today, i am calm and still, centered in the here and now ~ for the moment, which is all that matters anyhow.

From this space, i can see myself moving through the day with ease.  Tasks ahead of me ~ my volunteer gig ~ going smoothly.  The farmer’s market, full of colors and smells, people making their way through with bags and baskets, free range eggs and a few more home-grown tomatoes.

Even a jail run, from this moment of peace, feels easily manageable.  Just a shift in timing.  i think of the prisoners i’ve met already this week, and i’m able to see them, remember them, and let them go.

The letting go is the hard part.

And after i have mentally skated through the day, i picture myself waiting for Sir X.

i’m not anxious waiting for Him the way i have been with other Doms.  With Sir X, it is not about whether or not i’ve shaved well enough, although that’s important to me, i don’t think it matters so much to Him.

i’m not afraid that i’ll have worn something He doesn’t like, not worried that i won’t meet His appearance standards.  He likes the way i look, the way i dress.  That’s not something i need to adjust a lot to please Him.

i know that He’ll spank me.  i know He’ll put a collar and cuffs on me, suspend my arms above my head in front of the door to my study.  Thinking about that makes my pussy twitch, my heart beat faster, but not from anxiety.

i think we might play with The Hard Rammer today ~ that came in the mail on Wednesday, we opened it after dinner and were fascinated (and a little appalled) by its hugeness.  Those veins will make their presence felt inside me… yikes.

But that’s not an anxiety.  Sir X is not going to harm me, not with that, or with anything else.

He tells me that their are many challenges for me every time we’re together.  Some of them i know are challenges, others i don’t even notice.  i can’t anticipate them all, and even if i could read His mind, i can’t control my responses to everything. 

From the stillness of right now, i think the challenge is being fully myself, and being open to Him.  Not knowing exactly what He wants, but offering who i am.

Smiling…

This is a different kind of stillness, feeling myself open to Him, preparing to be present with Him.   i feel my body come alive, my heart stirs.

i tingle in anticipation.

14 Responses to “A Different Kind of Stillness”

  1. Mick October 1, 2011 at 6:48 am #

    song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3x6uFzOXps

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:23 am #

      Thanks, Mick ~ I loved this! (Sorry my blog thought your comment was spam at first, don’t ask me why…)

      hugs,

      aisha

  2. Striving for Peace October 1, 2011 at 6:57 am #

    I adore the use of the word “we”.

    and I adore the feeling of this post

    you feel calm

    peaceful

    I am very very happy for you

    sfp

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:32 am #

      @Sfp,

      Thank you… that’s so nice to hear.

      aisha

  3. sin October 1, 2011 at 7:03 am #

    You seem very happy and serene. I love feeling this way.

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:33 am #

      @Sin,

      Yes… and I love when I read you and you sound that way!

      aisha

  4. vanillamom October 1, 2011 at 7:54 am #

    smiled all the way through this…you are echoing my internal vibe…hmmmm, i’ve made peace with this past week and let it go, myself.

    ironing transports me to a different head space. i know, someone out there laughs while reading that, but it’s a mindful task, and warm and the scent of the steaming iron, the transformation from wrinkled skirt to smooth and sleek…very metaphoric of my past few weeks. And today, the anticipation of a quiet day at work, perhaps, and a quiet Sunday coming up, all have put me into a happy frame of mind. I’m so relaxed and mellow its AWESOME…just like YOU are today.

    i love how you describe your comfort in preparing for your Sir. i get that. i think that is one of the ways we know we’ve found a right match. He sounds like a wonderful man as well as a good Dom.

    Enjoy today, heartsister….

    a smiling nilla

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:45 am #

      @’Nilla,

      I actually maybe kind of know what you mean about ironing, but it’s connected with images of my mother ironing, so that’s probably not quite the same. Laughing… I can remember that smell though.

      Hope your day was wonderfully content.

      aisha

  5. Cocktoy K October 1, 2011 at 8:07 am #

    I understand how you feel and I am going through some of these feelings myself. Enjoy the feelings and become apart of them as often as you can.

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:45 am #

      Hi, CK,

      I’m glad you’re having some of these feelings too – it’s just lovely, isn’t it?

      Thanks,

      aisha

  6. Sky October 1, 2011 at 9:43 am #

    You sound so calm this morning, Aisha 🙂

    Enjoy your weekend and your time with your Sir.

    Not sure if “enjoy” is the word I’m looking for regarding the Hard Rammer lol

    Take care. Sky

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:46 am #

      @Sky,

      Mmmm, yes. And even more so this morning!

      hug,

      aisha

  7. Faithful October 1, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

    “offering who I am”… it is a wonderful feeling and glad you are able to understand how important that is.

    Have a wonderful evening !

    ~faithful

    • aisha October 2, 2011 at 7:47 am #

      @Fatihful,

      Yes, thanks, for me that is the key… I can’t seem to do it any other way.

      Hope you’re having a terrific weekend.

      aisha

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