Fantasies of Extreme Control

12 Oct

Discerning Dom wrote about it lately, and Sin followed up on it – the fantasy of extreme control.  Having every waking moment controlled by Him ~ what you eat, wear, think, and do, all dictated, all monitored.

Sigh…

i don’t know why that sounds so lovely, but it does.  Is it some throw back ~ a wish to return to infancy or early childhood?  i don’t know, i don’t think so though, maybe JM, the amazing analyst, could answer that question.

It doesn’t matter ~ it doesn’t feel like a childhood connection, it’s too deeply sexual, too deeply arousing for that to be a comfortable idea.  

In my extreme fantasies, i’m used sexually almost all the time, at least i’m always available, always ready to be taken.

Yeah, see, just writing that turns me on.  

The fantasies of The Major were extreme.  i stopped while they were still mostly physical, mostly controlling my mind through controlling my body.

If i’m made to sit on the floor while He sits on a chair, i will think differently and  feel differently than if i’m allowed to use furniture.  If i’m not allowed to wear clothes, not allowed to feed myself, i will think and feel differently than if i’m allowed those privileges.

And just writing that turns me on.  Funny, isn’t it?

The Major was moving toward more direct mental control ~ the goal was for Him to help me focus my attention and energy where they need to be.  Laughing… he was probably going to limit how much time i spent checking to see if there were any new blog posts up.

i remember this couple talking at the very first munch i went to~ the one back before i got married, the one where i got freaked out about outing myself and didn’t go back.  There were a couple of things that stood out for me so vividly that night.

A few people were talking about books, and they begin talking about the Gor series.  i was familiar with that series ~ i’d bought one, almost by mistake, not realizing how extreme it was, and then read it dog-eared, before i threw it away, ashamed of myself.

The memories from the book still linger ~ the game they played ~ outdoors ~ where she and 5 men were blindfolded.  Onlookers formed a circle around them.  She was belled.  

The men tried to catch her by the sound of the bell.  If she stood still for more than a certain number of seconds, a referee {of sorts} used his switch on her to make her move.  

The first four men who caught her got to use her sexually however they wanted.  

When each one released her, she had to return to the game.

Sigh… the branding scene was hot too.

But i digress.

At that munch, they were talking about the series, and one woman said, “My Master made me read them all.  The whole series.  I had to read a certain amount, so many chapters, every day.  It took me all summer.”  She shrugged.  “Some of them were better than others.”

i was struck by that ~ well, the memory has stayed with me all these years.  The image of her ~ well, of myself in her shoes ~ obediently reading the passages that i know would arouse me.

In my picture of it, i’m not allowed to masturbate, i have to wait in sodden wetness until my Master relieves me of an almost unbearable arousal.

Sheesh.  Yeah, that still makes me hot too.  And part of it is the aspect of being assigned the reading.  Being a voracious reader, i’ve never had someone tell me to read certain things, more often they’re telling me to get my nose out of that book and pay attention to them.

i think part of the appeal of the extreme fantasy is being relieved of any responsibility for anything.  There is that.  And for those of us who tend to be overly responsible, that probably has a powerful appeal.

But there is more to it.

Laughing… i just don’t know what it is.  

Maybe it doesn’t matter.  Maybe it’s enough to know the fantasy is there, soothing in its completeness, in the level of detail involved, in the arousal it brings.

We are looking for wholeness, for an integration of the parts of ourselves.

The Major is a part of me.  He is more than that too ~ He is also an extension of me ~ but He’s a part of me, and a part that i need more of.   So i project Him outside myself and fantasize about Him.

And i don’t know where that goes, or what that means… but the fantasy of Him lingers too.  And i want to enact parts of it, live them with my Sir.

Sit at His feet.  Spend hours lavishing Him with attention.  Be held and spanked and ~ loved. 

Yeah.

i’ve got a feeling it always comes back to that.  Somehow.

12 Responses to “Fantasies of Extreme Control”

  1. sin October 12, 2011 at 7:59 am #

    So interesting. Thanks for writing this. I think it’s remarkable how often and how accurately your words relect my thoughts on things like this.
    -sin

    • aisha October 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

      @Sin,

      That is always interesting to me too. On the surface, we don’t seem that much alike to me, but clearly we are sisters under the skin.

      aisha

  2. angel October 12, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    In the very first household i was in, he was a Gor man.
    As such, he not only had the entire collection of books but
    also the movies. Yes, i said the *movies.*

    i read perhaps fifteen of them and there was something there
    that resonated for me as well.
    The concept that there is something that has always lived
    inside of me, needing this, being a slave because that is who i am.

    i have had every moment controlled.
    This is what i can tell you about it.
    As a tool, its incredibly useful but it does breed mental
    dependancy. A trip to the grocery alone becomes an overwhelming
    experience without being told exactly what to buy.
    As independent as i am, yes, i was overwhelmed by groceries and people and holding money. i still dislike holding cash.
    Granted, yeah, the total control was used in a wrong way on me.
    But its the same tool.

    In some ways, i wonder if i will ever feel more like an object than
    i did with her. That was never my goal, mind you, and would never be my goal. Still, i lived as an object devoid of human needs and wants of my own. Its one way to be enslaved, i guess.

    When the girls of God write about having no thoughts of feelings
    beyond pleasing their Master, there is something to that.

    i know only when Sir is around, i feel a peace when its just the two of us. i focus only on the task at hand, which is Her pleasure.
    And it feels right. Powerful. More powerful than me.

    Gor changed me. It gave me permission to be who i am.

    • aisha October 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

      Dear Angel,

      You leave me a whole fascinating blog post in your comment – thank you. It is so interesting – and I have so much I can learn from you.

      Sometimes when I listen to you, the lines between a power exchange and abuse blur for me ~ I”m not saying they are blurred, maybe just for me. But it always makes me want to know more.

      Shoot, I could do a whole blog post in response to this message. I might too, I think I’ll save the rest of my response…

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. vanillamom October 12, 2011 at 10:39 am #

    i have the hardest time with this. The long-term idea of it, i guess. Perhaps because my life is so driven, every bit of time programmed, or needing to be there, do this, do that for a variety of people…

    being unplugged from that is as much a fantasy as being “kept” just as a toy.

    And i think, sometimes, that this particular fantasy is one i avoid thinking about because it makes me feel stressed out, in some ways (but how would i get all my work done?), and filled with a longing that is too hard to bear at other times.

    (wow, that got deep.)

    nilla

    • aisha October 12, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

      @’Nilla

      Yes, it’s light years away from your ‘nilla life, isn’t it? Mine too. We ~ and so many of our subsisters ~ are always making decisions, for ourselves, for others… How tempting to only have to focus on pleasing His needs.

      It is deep. Thanks for your comment.

      aisha;

  4. Conina October 12, 2011 at 11:03 am #

    The fantasy of it is hot, and you write about it well enough to turn me on as well.

    The concept of it in reality, though, the first moment when I am not respected as a person, I think that would crush my soul and I would no longer be any good as anything. Love is the most important factor in my relationship, mutually respectful adoration – and enacting this particular fantasy would ruin it.

    I’m fine with some fantasies staying fantasies.

    • aisha October 12, 2011 at 9:01 pm #

      @Conina,

      Thanks for the kind words – and for taking the time to comment!

      I think I agree with you, although I think some of this could happen and I’d still feel respected… don’t ask me to explain how that works1

      Love is the cornerstone, isn’t it? For me too…

      I’lll look forward to hearing more from you!

      aisha

  5. Faithful October 12, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

    it all sounds lovely to me as well…..I would be happy and content at Masters feet- serving his every wish. Perhaps I say that because I know he would never want to control me 24/7… or is it because he knows I would do it- if he ever demanded it?

    ~faithful

    • aisha October 12, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

      @Faithful,

      Yep, it has that appeal. As for your “why nots?” ~ that like asking if the chicken or the egg came first, doesn’t really matter, what works is that he doesn’t want that from you, and you don’t really want to give it, so that’s all good!

      hug,

      aisha

  6. perfectlips October 13, 2011 at 5:19 am #

    I remember seeing those Gor books in secondhand bookshops, always looking very dog-eared. I’ll pay more attention next time.

    I’ll have to try some fantasies of extreme control. I can certainly see the appeal, both for the unspeakable things one might be required to do and for the liberation from anxiety.

    As for respect: I can imagine being respected (or at least valued) by the master/mistress. I find it hard to imagine having any self-respect … no, it’s intriguing. Do you like Brenda‘s stories?

    • aisha October 13, 2011 at 6:25 am #

      @PL,

      Yep, check ’em out sometime ~ it would be interesting to see what effect they have on you.

      I had not read Brenda’s stories til I followed your link just now, and I just read the most recent one. VERY interesting and well-done, I’ll have to go back and comment, cause of course I’m running late this morning. But yes, I did like it.

      I started to write more about Gor and all that this morning, but ~~ running late ~~ and here I am babbling on.

      Thanks for the comment and for sharing your thoughts!

      aisha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: