Following Directions

17 Oct

When i saw Sir X Saturday night, He raised a very good point.  One that i had not even thought of.

Earlier that day, when we’d met for “lunch,” He’d given me very explicit directions about where to meet.  To be exact, He’d texted:

“I’ll meet you, my car, park yours, f street, northbound, one block before Broadway, walk north to the first statue, I’ll pick you up there.”

That’s pretty clear, right?

Especially if you know, as i do, that f street is one-way going north.

Does it say anything about driving around the block a couple of times trying to make sure I was in the right place with the right statue?

Um, no.  It really doesn’t.

As He pointed out, if i’d just done what He said to do, i would have found the statue just fine.

So, He asked, did i not trust His directions, or did i not trust my own ability to follow them?

Good question, right?

Ok, it was probably a little bit of both.  i don’t have a sense of direction, can almost get lost in my own backyard, and He knows that.  In fact, He kind of likes that, He says it gives me a vulnerability that’s appealing…

And of course He’s right ~ if i’d just done exactly what He said, i’d have been in the right place.  And if i hadn’t been, He would have found me. 

It’s a little bit of a wake up call for me ~ a reminder that i’m not as obedient as i’d like to think or as submissive as i want to be.   

Because ~

~~ here’s the thing ~~

i needed to feel in control.

And knowing Him, He purposely picked the kind of task that would challenge me.  Yeah, He’s that smart and insightful.

Have i mentioned that i’m wild about Him?

This is the first time that i can think of that i clearly didn’t meet the challenge of what He wanted me to do.  He wasn’t upset or angry, but He’s been clear that it wasn’t what i was supposed to do.

And that’s made me think hard about it, and how to correct it.  i’ll be more aware of that tendency in myself, and do better with it next time.

On a whole different note, i went to the BDSM discussion group yesterday.  It was fascinating.  Here are some of the questions we discussed:

• What is the most important quality for dominants?  For submissives?  For switches?
• What is the most detrimental quality for dominants?  For submissives?  For switches?
• What qualities define D/s relationships as opposed to vanilla relationships?
 Do you personally believe you were born into the orientation you have chosen, or is it something that you “learned” in some way or another?  If you had had a different upbringing, would you still have been the same kind of orientation you are?

There were lots more questions, many of which we didn’t even get to, but it was a terrific discussion.  And now i’m curious.  

What do youall think?  

How would you answer those questions?

Comment or email me your thoughts – – and if it i get a good response, i’ll do a post or two about the discussion…

i should have some time to play with it later this week ~ i’m going out-of-town Wednesday, first to a work training, which should be really interesting and fun, and then to Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  i’m thinking being out-of-town will relieve me of all kinds of other responsibilities.

Before that though, Sir X and i are getting together Tuesday night.  {Grinning…}  i can’t wait.

10 Responses to “Following Directions”

  1. Faithful October 17, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    You will be able to give up more of that control as you continue to trust him.. and he has to earn that!

    Regarding your questions- for me all of D/s is all about TRUST,HONESTY & LOVE. I couldn’t be the submissive I am with Master without it. It’s that simple for me and I don’t like to overthink the rest.

    I do think I was born this way as I have 3 sisters who are the farthest away from submissive (at least with their spouses) and they had the same /similar upbringing as me. I am also sure a lot of it has to do with my relationship with my Father, but I always knew I was different then my siblings from a very very early age.

    Sounds like you have a very busy week!


    • aisha October 17, 2011 at 9:20 pm #


      Trust, honesty, and love sound about right to me. Right, none of us could be submissive truly without our counterparts..

      And you feel like your submission’s innate – interesting. You may well be right…

      Thanks for your thoughtful (as always) responses.

      And your right, it will (I think) be easier to give up control as I trust Him more – he earns more trust every day…



  2. sin October 17, 2011 at 10:33 am #

    Trust and honesty are huge for both sides of a D/s relationship. I think possibly the worst quality in a Dom is inconsistency. Do subs even have bad qualities?


    • aisha October 17, 2011 at 9:22 pm #


      LOL – no, of course you’re right – subs don’t have bad qualities cause we’re {lower voice} “submissive…”

      But yes, I agree, inconsistency is huge.


  3. lil October 17, 2011 at 11:38 am #

    Lol @ sin–nope. no bad qualities here.
    Most important quality for dominants…Only one?? Oh fine…I would have to say being trustworthy. I think that covers consistency too–because you trust that they mean what they say and will follow through on it.
    Most detrimental quality…Well geeze, there’s so many to choose from (unlike for us subs of course). I guess I would have to agree with sin and maybe add irresponsibility.

    Most important quality for a sub…Honesty.
    Most detrimental…Dishonesty.

    What qualities define a D/s relationship…I really should have had another cup of coffee before tackling this lol.
    Exchange of power, openness, level of intimacy.

    And I do think I was born like this–screwed from the get-go lol.

    • aisha October 17, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

      Hi, Lil,

      Lots of interesting thoughts here, unfortunately, I’m too tired to do anything with them except admire them…. thanks for your comments, I really do appreciate it, and will be back…



  4. vanillamom October 17, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

    running parallel lives again.. i was in hot water last nite for not following directions…


    • aisha October 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      Sorry to hear that…



  5. lil October 17, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

    Okay, after thinking about it more and drinking way to much coffee, I would like to amend my previous answer.

    I think the most detrimental quality in a dom is a lack of self control.

    I’m starting to feel like spam lol. Sorry.

    • aisha October 17, 2011 at 9:28 pm #


      Laughing… that’s my pick – lack of self-control. It’s so dangerous.

      And you may feel like spam but you’re totally NOT! I like your comments, and I love that you were still thinking about it.



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