Blog Smorgasbord

6 Nov

As we’ve been talking about love, i’ve been thinking about the idea that we grow to love people by behaving lovingly towards them.  One of the mixed blessings of my first marriage is that it gave me lots of opportunity to learn this.

i would sometimes be so hurt and angry at my husband that i didn’t think i could stand it, i just wanted out, i felt like i hated him.  i’d weigh out my options, and each time, for many years, i’d end up sighing and staying.

But i wouldn’t stay and be miserable, and i couldn’t be happy and hate him at the same time.   So i’d make myself behave with love.

This was not what i felt like doing.  But it was the right thing to do.

Amazingly, in just a short time, my feelings would shift to align with my behavior.  As i did loving things for him, my heart would crack open, i’d be able to focus on the things that were positive about him, and eventually love would be in the room again.

For me, it was simply that i was not going to be an unloving person, or live in a household without love.  

In graduate school, i learned about cognitive dissonance.  i think that’s part of the psychological explanation for how that worked.   

So i’ve been thinking about that as i write about love.  Then i stumbled across this link on Facebook:

The article says ~ in part ~

The Misconception: You do nice things for the people you like and bad things to the people you hate.

The Truth: You grow to like people for whom you do nice things and hate people you harm.

It’s a pretty cool article, and supports the idea that actions can drive our feelings.   Maybe we are what we do,  

In any case, i thought i’d throw the link into the mix for your consideration.


On a different note, i really enjoyed the comments on the video “Cunt.”  It was nice hearing from some people i didn’t know before or don’t usually hear from too.  

If you enjoyed the video, you will probably also like this blog post.  {Also coming to you compliments of Donna…  thanks, Donna!}  The comments are particularly fun.


And last night, Sir X and i went to the munch.  He came over early so i didn’t miss getting my maintenance spanking.  In fact, my ass was still pink and a little stingy, a pleasant reminder of my time bent over the arm of the couch.

He brought me the new collar He made for me.  Here it is:

It’s very simple, just a few strands knotted at intervals.  i love it.  He says He may do it in a color too.  i’m hoping for purple.

The munch was fun.  Great food, more room to get up and socialize than there has been at some other venues.  We both enjoyed it.

Of course, Ms. Constance and Drew were there.  Ms. Constance was beautiful in a multi-colored silky top with full, flowing sleeves, and a skirt with fringe around the bottom.  She was wearing a lovely necklace that Drew,had brought her from his trip to Alaska.

She’s spearheading our local “I *HEART* it in The Can” drive, collecting canned goods and pet supplies.   Of course, she was getting an overwhelming response.

My friend from England, H, was there, and it was fun talking to her.  BTW, she says i’m still glowing.  Just for the record, in case you were wondering.  Apparently it hasn’t worn off at all.

There were a couple of raffles  too.  One of them was to raise money for the regional title holders of Master/slave, so they can go to the international level of the contest.  

i wasn’t going to buy one, but then i felt bad for not supporting jackie and Sir Charles, especially when jackie was selling the tickets.  i never win anything, but that’s no reason not to make a donation, right?

AND ~ guess what!!!


i won!!

The prize was a set of the Anne Rice trilogy “Sleeping Beauty,” which i haven’t read, and a flogger.

We left right after the drawing ~ with me blushing, as Sir X slapped the flogger against His hand, and H laughingly chanted, “O, you’re in so much trouble!  You’re gonna be in so much trouble when you get home…”

But the flogger will have to wait for another day, because when we got home there was a time of tenderness and gentle caresses.  i will draw the veil of privacy here.

14 Responses to “Blog Smorgasbord”

  1. Striving for Peace November 6, 2011 at 8:25 am #

    great prize — and it’s a gift that keeps on giving


    PS — your support of me means so much to me — I’m continually touched — and love you for it my friend.

    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 6:40 pm #


      Laughing… yes, no doubt!

      And – it’s easy to support you, ’cause you’re gonna be a terrific mother. i can’t wait to watch it all…



  2. pepper November 6, 2011 at 8:27 am #

    Having read the Sleeping Beauty trilogy a few times….well. Ahem. my Nonna used to call such things ‘bodice rippers’, but that may be too mild, as most of it is nude…just thinking about it gets me all flustered. Excuse me…i’m just going to go dig mine out…another read through seems to be in order.

    And enjoy the new flogger…very chic!

    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm #


      Yeah, lots of people last were reminiscing about time spent reading one-handed. i’m looking forward to it!



  3. Sam November 6, 2011 at 8:53 am #

    maintenance spanking? good concept.

    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 6:45 pm #


      {smiling happily…}

      Yes. i like it a lot.


  4. The King of Clubs November 6, 2011 at 10:52 am #

    Thank you for sharing that link about the Ben Franklin Effect. I read it all the way through and found it really fascinating. I love learning about stuff like that.

    (Like your new collar, too.)

    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm #

      @King of Clubs,

      O, cool! I”m glad you read it and glad you liked it!! I thought it was really interesting, but i like stuff like that too.

      And thanks!


  5. Conina November 6, 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    I read a fantastic novel, “Midnight’s Children,” (in no way related to sex or BDSM) that had that same concept in it. The protagonist’s mother grew to love his father by acting like she did, even though she also felt love for another.

    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 6:58 pm #


      O, that’s cool! Interesting. I hope it worked out well. I figure that’s how arranged marriages worked, when they did…


  6. vanillamom November 6, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    Great post…first congrats on the win, and second, the collar is awesome…He is clever with his hands…

    which brings me to my next comment….

    who else in this life other than us sluts, that is, would get the idea of “maintenance spankings”…? You tossed it out there like “and i took my car in to get the oil changed…” and i

    LOVE that.

    it’s just part of life, part of how it works.

    Theres an entire blogpost right there in that…”maintenance spankings”…

    oh gods do i need mine…


    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      He IS clever with His hands… in all kinds of ways… grinning…

      and yeah,

      maintenance spanking…

      don’t know who thought up the concept, but they sure knew what they were doing, didn’t they?


      smiling… i like it too…

      and i hope you get what you need SOON!


  7. Faithful November 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm #

    Enjoy seeing the collar and that you are sharing more pics with us!

    However- also love the fact that you understand the need for privacy and when to disclose versus keeping those special moments between you and Sir X.

    So much of what Master and I go are those types of moments… none of which I will want or be willing to share either.

    I am glad you have choosen to keep those just between you and your man.


    • aisha November 6, 2011 at 7:03 pm #


      Thanks, i’m glad you like the pictures.

      It is always a judgement call, isn’t it? what to share in a blog and what to leave out. Can’t wait to start reading yours!


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