Sir X and My Ex

8 Nov

Vanilla moments ahead ~ i have to fire someone this week.  Can i just say how much that sucks?   i think i’ll have to do it Thursday, which means two more days of prepping for it and dreading it.


My Sir had a death in the family, which is sad, of course.  She was a cousin.  They had been close as children.

But ~ being the selfish hag that i am ~ i’m mentioning it because we were supposed to get together tonight.  He thought the funeral services would be this afternoon.  But they’re tonight.

So we’re not getting together.

No, i’m not going to the funeral service with Him.  i think that would be a distraction and not so helpful for Him.

Well, and besides, He didn’t ask me to.  So i’m assuming He doesn’t think it would be helpful.

i’m ok with that.  i want Him to do what works for Him.  i do miss the time with Him.  i hope we can get together Thursday instead.

But i surprise myself sometimes by the depth of the calm i feel about Him and our relationship.  

i had a dream recently.  {Yes, it’s gonna be an Sfp moment here.}

i dreamt that Sir X and i were eating lunch, and decided to ask my ex-husband ~ B, the second one, the one who might have been a Dom ~ to join us. 

So he does, and he and Sir X talk, i don’t remember any of that, but i think he was telling Sir X about me.

But as they’re talking, i look over and see that Sir X’s face is changing. And His hair.  Little by little, He’s starting to look just like my ex.

In the dream, i just notice this, i’m not upset or worried, except ~

~ i start to leave, and i want to kiss Sir X good-bye, but i realize that i’m not sure which one He is.

And then He turns to kiss me, and i realize, o, of course You’re the one.  And i kiss Him and leave.

Then i wake up.

So i kind of thought for a minute, omg, is that my subconscious telling me that He’s really just like my ex????

I KNOW He’s not ~ trust me, He’s not ~ but still ~ what did it mean??

Fortunately, JM, the amazing analyst, was on my calendar for later in the week.  After some discussion, we agreed that maybe my subconscious is pointing out ~

~ they’re not completely different, even if i’d like to think they are.  It would be easier to think of B as “the bad guy” and Sir X as “the good guy” and completely separate them, but it’s never that simple.

~  AND we don’t know the end of the story with Sir X.    And there is always, sooner or later, a moment when you look at the person you’re with and think ~ “Is that YOU?  You’re the person i married/fell in love with/want to be with???  Are you kidding?”  

Those are the moments that can make or break a relationship.  It is always a risk.

So that moment in the dream ~ who are you? Which one is Sir X?  You both look like my ex!

And Sir X is the one who lets me know, by His actions, that it’s Him, that He’s not my ex.  When he turns  to kiss me, i know, with a sigh of relief,  O, of course, You’re Him.

8 Responses to “Sir X and My Ex”

  1. Striving for Peace November 8, 2011 at 7:18 am #

    ok — first off — how much do I love reading along quietly and finding an sfp reference — it’s fun.

    and I love your dream
    and I’ll tell you what you told me

    your dream means what you think it means.


    • aisha November 8, 2011 at 7:41 am #

      @Sfp ~

      Yes, thanks, absolutely, the dream does mean what I think. JM doesn’t just hand me the meaning, you know. Nooooo, I have to frigging dig it out of my own little psyche while he looks wise… or something like that. laughing…

      I’m glad you like stumbling across yourself in my life ~ you have no idea how often you’re in my mind.



  2. Charlene November 8, 2011 at 7:36 am #

    All people share a trait or two. M has a gesture that X has and when he does it I do a double-take even though they couldn’t be further apart in looks. Maybe he just hit one of those buttons?

    • aisha November 8, 2011 at 7:43 am #

      Thanks Charlene,

      You’re right of course. My Sir X hasn’t actually reminded me of my ex much in real life, but apparently there’s some connection, right? Yes, simple things like a gesture can certainly hit some buttons!


  3. Faithful November 8, 2011 at 9:35 am #

    Sorry about the work situation- I have been there and it is tough. Not sure if it is performance driven or due to cutbacks, nevertheless it is never easy.

    With regard to your Dream- B and Sir X. Not sure why some dreams happen and that is an interesting one for sure.

    Trust your intuition.


    • aisha November 8, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

      Thanks, Faithful, for the support on the work thing. I appreciate that!

      And yeah, dreams are weird, and fun, and interesting aren’t they?



  4. Sky November 8, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

    I agree. Your dteam means what you think it means.

    Thank you for sharing your dream I find keeping a dream journal helps too. Just jotting down what you do remember upon waking can enlighten you later 🙂

    Take care. Sky

    • aisha November 8, 2011 at 8:51 pm #

      Thanks, Sky,

      Yeah, dream journals are pretty cool! It can be fun, trying to figure out what they mean!


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