One More Thing About Me

20 Nov

You all may already know that i don’t watch TV ~  i don’t even have a working TV in my house.

 i might watch something at someone else’s house.  Or – if i’m in a bar with TV’s, i get fascinated and can’t quit watching it.  But i haven’t watched TV at home in going on 15 years.

This is not necessarily a virtue, and i’m not trying to be a TV snob.  i’m sure there are lots of great shows on and there’s the History channel and Discovery and so on.  i just don’t watch them.  

Often, after i’ve disclosed that, people will say “What about movies?  Don’t you watch movies?”

And i’ll say, “Yeah, i watch movies, just not a whole lot.”

That’s pretty much a lie.  

i don’t ever watch movies unless someone else specifically says, “Hey, here’s a movie, we’re going to watch it.”  Then i do.

Sir X likes movies.  He likes watching them at home, and He likes going to the movies.

So i’ve been to one movie already with Him.  The Three Musketeers.  It was ok.  

We went to another one last night.  

i didn’t know we were going to the movies til late.  i knew we were doing something at 7, but He texts me about 5:00 and says, “How about a movie and then dinner?’

i’m fine with that ~ delighted, in fact ~ and tell him so.

Then He says He’s thinking we could see The Imposters, and i should go look at the trailers for it.  

So i do.

O.  My.  Goddess.

It’s all war.  It’s a war movie.

And really, Ms. Constance had already warned me that a monk gets set on fire in the very beginning.


This is NOT going to be my kind of movie.  That much is clear.  So i look at the movie listings ~ and really, there isn’t anything else at the theaters we’re going to that i want to see instead.

So ~ i can do this, i think.  It’s not that big a deal, i’ll just close my eyes at the bad parts.

Sir picks me up, and it’s not til we’re almost there that He says, “So did you look at the trailers?  Think you’re gonna like it?”

And i say, gently, “Omg, NO, i think it’s going to be awful.”

He looks a little stunned.  “How come?”

i say, “Um, do i seem like the kind of person who’s going to enjoy a lot of gratuitous violence?  It’s a WAR movie!”

And He laughs, and says, “No, I guess you don’t seem like the kind of person who enjoys ‘gratuitous violence.'”  It’s clear that He enjoys that phrase a lot though, and it amuses me too.

But it’s ok, and really, i’m ok with going.

Then it starts.

Omg, omg, omg.

Ms. Constance was sooooo right.  It was awful.  Awful.  People just kept getting tortured and killed and tortured and killed.  Nice people.  Good people.  People who should have been safe.

It was awful.

And what i’d kind of forgotten, and what Sir couldn’t have known, is that  i get real caught up in movies.  It’s a lot like it’s actually happening, right there in front of me.

So i spend most of the movie with my face buried in Sir’s shoulder.

About 15 minutes into it, He suggests we leave.  But i say, no, i can hang.

And i did.  {laughing…} i just didn’t see much of it.  

He held my hand, and patted me, and i knew if i’d asked to go, we’d have been out of there, so that was good.  But omg.

i’d forgotten that movies could do that to me.  And it seems silly to me that they do affect me so strongly.  So i’m glad we didn’t leave early.

Sir said He didn’t think it was silly, and that He’d pick a different kind of movie in the future, which is ok with me too.   He said He was surprised it was so hard for me because i deal with real life bad stuff all the time, and He thought i’d be more de-sensitized, but clearly i’m not.

i think ~ sometimes it seems like ~ when that happens in a movie, it’s like i’m reacting to everything i’ve heard and felt, not just what’s in the movie.  Although, in this case, what’s in the movie was totally awful and traumatic enough all by itself.

But it’s kind of like ~ if there’s a scene that makes me feel ‘life is really unfair, and really bad things happen to good people, and it’s so sad and painful’ ~ if there’s a scene like that, it seems like i feel all the unfair, painful sad stories i’ve ever heard.  

And i’ve heard some sad, painful, ‘life is unfair’ stories.

The weight of that seems almost unbearable.

The truth is, i’ve avoided movies for years because i don’t want to feel that in a movie theater.  What i say to myself is that i feel it often enough in real life, i don’t need to go to the movies for it.

But ~

~ and this has just come to me ~

is there some value in feeling it in the movie theater?  Is there some cathartic release that would actually be helpful?

i don’t know.

Sir was apologetic about last night, although really, there was no reason for Him to be.  He had no way of knowing.  And i’d forgotten just how bad it could be.

i’ll still never be a fan of “gratuitous violence.”   But maybe i need to rethink my beliefs about movies, expand my movie horizons…

33 Responses to “One More Thing About Me”

  1. vanillamom November 20, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    hee..we have something in common then. While admit i could *easily* be a tv junkie,….if i didn’t have piecework to do in the evenings i would likely never turn the tv on. Didn’t miss it a bit while i was visiting you.

    i wonder if thats why i don’t watch movies anymore?

    The last movie in a theater i saw was Titanic (which i went back and saw there three more times)…

    i almost never watch a movie even at home. i don’t have time, and i don’t have the attention…and the heart-pounding tension makes me feel kinda crazy-weird…i just can’t handle the stress of it!!

    and i thought it was just me!

    (glad i have company in the crazy chair!!!)


    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm #


      Yep, we share that too – although, i’m kinda impressed, you saw Titanic 3 times??? Brave woman!!

      And, um, “company in the crazy chair?” LOL – you know “the crazy chair”is not the technical term for it, right?



  2. Jz November 20, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Life sucks enough as it is, I don’t need to revisit the unpleasant bits when I’m trying to relax. I prefer my escapism to be redemptive.
    Altho’ it’s not so much violence that gets to me as it is injustice.
    I saw “Ragtime” once, when it came out twenty-five years ago, and I’m STILL pissed off about it!

    “Why I Stick to Chick Flicks and Paranormal Romances” – by Jz

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:33 pm #


      Yep, I hear you. I’ve taken a stand almost exactly where you are for years. And I agree too, it’s the injustice that gets me. Or – if I don’t care about the characters, it’s ok. I can ignore violence. But that hardly ever happens for me.

      I LOVE your title…


  3. Striving for Peace November 20, 2011 at 9:56 am #

    I have a whole blog post of response on this one — (and I’m glad I made you go see a happy movie when we went!)

    I smiled at the “gratuitous violence” comment as well

    I imagine that we consider the violence we in TTWD do as completely neccessary — not gratuitous at all.


    PS — I love you guys are doing date stuff — it made me smile.

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:36 pm #


      Grinning… yeah, i was glad the movie we went to didn’t turn out to be too emotionally intense either, cause i have problems with that too.

      And the violence we do in TTWD is necessary! Isn’t it??? {giggling} But seriously – it’s CONSENSUAL! And it hardly ever leads to whole villages of people dying!



      And yeah, i like the date stuff too. 🙂

  4. Mick November 20, 2011 at 10:00 am #

    Are football games “gratuitous violence”, Probably so. But Mistress can leave at half time (or not come at all), and we are both cool with that.


    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

      Dear Mick,

      No, football games are consensual. So that’s ok. Although I’d rather go to a coffeeshop too.



  5. Donna November 20, 2011 at 10:29 am #

    I am the same way, and have taken a fair amount of teasing about it. My kids would go to the movies with Bill and then when the video came out, would sit next to me on the couch fast forwarding through those scenes they knew I couldn’t/wouldn’t watch. It made for some very short movies. Hardly worth the effort to make popcorn. lol

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm #


      How interesting! Yeah, i’ve taken my share of teasing about it too. And yet, like me, your job required close contact with tragedy and human suffering, and we do/did ok with that.

      My family was not big on fast-forwarding, I had to just close my eyes… 😦


  6. Tiklish November 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    I don’t think I’ve ever gone to see a war movie. I enjoy action-adventure, and whatever you’d call Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc., and good comedies, not slapstick or toilet humor.

    I’ve seen a few war movies, but always at home. If I think something might be too violent or whatever, home is better, can always change the channel or leave the room.

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm #


      Yep, i totally agree – it’s much safer watching movies that might be too violent at home. I like good comedies too.

      The Impostors did actually have a couple of things I liked about it, it was just sandwiched inbetween stuff that freaked me out…

      Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to comment!


  7. sin November 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

    I don’t really watch tv or movies either. I hate scary stuff. I hate stuff where some serial killer (Dexter) cuts people up. I hate spy stuff , most police stuff, fighting stuff.

    I do like girly light stuff. Comedy and decorating or cooking shows. But not enough to turn it on. I watched some TV 15 years ago when I was home with babies – babies don’t like when you balance a big book on their little heads while you are nursing – makes them cry. TV works better.

    I watch TV in bed when my husband does. There are things I do find interesting or funny. The Big Bang Theory.

    I’d never suggest going to a movie.That strictly visual medium just doesn’t really interest me. And I’m selective about what I do see. Or try to be. But usually I don’t get too caught up in it. I just fall asleep instead.

    So maybe there’s some benefit to going to a movie, some cathartic good. But I’d never find it. Cause I would be asleep.


    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm #


      Interesting. Yeah, I’m much more a book person than a movie person. My first husband was a photographer, and he LOVED movies. And – this cracks me up – I used to fall asleep in my chair partway through most of the time. It kind of became a family joke. Someone would ask me if i’d seen such and such a movie and I’d be like, “O, um, yeah, i think i saw the beginning…”

      And you’re right about nursing and books too – lol.


      • vanillamom November 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm #

        okay, i’ll admit this publicly…

        i’ve seen (and own) You’ve Got Mail with whats-his-name and whats-her-name in it…names escape me and Starbucks will kick me outta here in 4 minutes…so…

        whenever i’m really blue or down…or sometimes i just want it…i will put it on, and watch it all the way through.

        I laugh, i cry, i recite the lines…

        that seems to be the one movie that never fails to lift me up…


        ( i also reread the same book series every other year, so there ya go!)

      • aisha November 21, 2011 at 4:59 am #


        Ok, i’ve never even heard of that movie. Although, now that i think about it, i might have read the book?

        But i do have one movie i love and i used to make other people watch it. It’s called Hearts and Souls, and I don’t rewatch it often, but i like knowing i have a copy of it… Although, hmmm, i have it on video, maybe i need to get a DVD of it.

        And of course you have a book series you reread every year – don’t we all? I have a couple, actually!



  8. Aisha November 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    It’s called being an empath, you feel stronger the emotions sometimes those of the people going to the movies as well as your own, it’s one of the reasons I also don’t own a tv, or watch the news, im very select about what I watch, or even the music I listen to as well, huge crowds re overwhelming as well, it’s why i still have yet to either read or watch “precious”, or even finish “where the heart is”, because of the violence towards children freaks me out completely

    You’ll get better at it, just imagine yourself ina warm bubble or someplace safe and the evoked feelings won’t be as strong

    • sin November 20, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

      I NEVER watch or read things with violence towards children or where children die. I know things happen to kids. I’m not an ostrich and I’m not an idiot, I just don’t feel like I need to go looking for sadness that way. I do watch or listen to news pretty regularly btw.

      • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm #


        No – I try not to also. Although, you know, i work with women and men who had terrible things happen to them when they were children. And I deal with that because – well, because I can help them. That makes all the difference for me.


    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

      Hi, Aisha!

      How cool to run into another aisha!! Thanks for commenting!

      I’ve run across that idea before, that some people are “empaths” and I find that very interesting . I don’t know that I really am – I went and looked it up again – it sounds much more – I don’t know – delicate than I usually am, I guess. Or something.

      But it’s a fascinating idea, and one I need to think more about.

      Thanks again for stopping by!


      • pains-angel November 27, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

        (grins) Hey, aisha…are you calling me delicate??!!?
        i’m an empath and i’ve heard this same television/movie complaint from other empaths. i have issues with the news and with daddy watching the court shows (like people’s court stuff). i don’t have to hear the words to experience the hours of anger. No thanks.


      • aisha November 27, 2011 at 9:12 pm #


        Noooo, i’m not calling you delicate. laughing….

        But i can’t be an empath, cause one of the things i do is listen to people tell me the story of their abuse, in great detail, and explore the feelings connected with it. And i do that, i bear witness to their pain, and help them contain it.

        So, yeah. I don’t know. But ~ i know for sure that i didn’t mean YOU were delicate!!!



  9. greengirl November 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm #

    Interesting that so many of us are in the same boat – there are whole categories of movies i cannot watch – and i am excused from needing to stay for – because the boys in the family love movies – when they can fit them in. i’m a little better with books, I can meter it and control the imagery better. But i still just avoid some genres/topics. i didn’t realize i wasn’t completely weird for this.

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:51 pm #


      I know, I’ve been thinking the same thing as I’ve watched the comments come up. I always thought I was the only one. Kind of amazing.

      Yeah, books are more – i started to say bearable, but that’s a little dramatic. They aren’t as intrusive, I can manage it better. But even there, some things are just out.

      Cool. It’s not just me.


  10. PL November 20, 2011 at 4:43 pm #

    That was considerate of him. How are you going to exact revenge? Take him to see Faust.

    I can’t stand the TV either. Too banal to hold my attention, too loud to ignore. It’s like a dripping tap. The only thing I can watch is sport.

    Coincidentally, the last film I went to see was The Three Musleteers (supervising my son and a bunch of his classmates).

    • PL November 20, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

      l -> k

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:53 pm #


      Laughing… TV can be annoying!

      But it wasn’t Sir X’s fault. As He pointed out to me today, i didn’t communicate any of my qualms to Him. If i had, He would have been better prepared.

      And, um, i’m not sure i want to go to see Faust either…. lol


  11. Sky November 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    (for some reason, blogger will not let me scroll down to finish my message).

    I do go to the movies, and I watch them at home. The latest movie I saw was Kate Winslett in Mildred Pierce (also with Aussie actor Guy Pearce) A remake of a Bette Davis film.

    I do not watch Horror, Twilight (or LOTR or HP etc). I have seen war movies. I don’t enjoy them, but I have watched them.

    I’m not really into the “chic flicks”. Some of those are just so unrealistic. The last movie I saw at a theatre was Tree of Life which was very (to me anyway) weird.
    I’m sorry that movies cause you so much anxiety, Aisha 😦

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

      Thanks, Sky! It sounds like you have very varied tastes in movies, and some tolerance for different kinds. Although, I think I might like the Harry Potter movies. Cause I know how they end.

      Sorry Blogger gave you a hard time!


  12. Alice November 20, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

    I’ve just spent Sunday evening watching “The Road” – the ultimate in post-apocalyptic doom and depression films. I love Viggo Mortensen but this was beyond painful – I know, it was meant to be – but I can’t help thinking that somewhere in there there could have been a little more in the way of hope. I find that if I am given a little joy and insight amongst the horror and violence it brings meaning to the whole experience and allows the uncomfortable feelings to become an inportant part of the whole thing.

    • aisha November 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm #


      i agree, a little hope goes a long way. And meaning. Yes. I think that’s why I can tolerate it in real life.

      I haven’t seen The Road – no surprise there…maybe someday.


  13. ewoman88 November 27, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    i had a teacher in high school who loved showing world war one films… to this day I cannot see a war movie, watch any news about war, or read about it, except in a fiction/fantasy situation…

    I nearly had a nervous breakdown when my ex had me watch a show where there was a torture scene… he didn’t get why it upset me; hence why he’s my ex :/

    • aisha November 27, 2011 at 9:06 pm #

      Ok, i confess that one of the worst experiences I ever had in middle school was when we had to read out loud from 1984, and it was the part with the rats. I seriously thought I was going to die. Yeah.

      Smart of you to make him an ex. My first husband would bring home these god-awful movies and say, “Oh, this isn’t violent, I picked this one out for you.” Then they’d starting shooting people or blowing stuff up… at least we were at home and I could walk away.

      So yeah. This is interesting. I wonder if there’s any real research on it….


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