Mindfulness Payoff

6 Dec

Tomorrow is the 2nd annual kinky virtual cookie exchange, not that the cookies will be kinky, at least mine won’t.  i’m coming home early tonight to bake, so i can post pictures in the morning.  

Baking cookies makes me feel ever so domestic, and might explain my sudden enthusiasm for cleaning and organizing.  My housekeeper comes today, so i need to post quickly and straighten the house.  

i also need to finish a post for a vanilla blog i write for sometimes.  So it’s no wonder i’m not finding a deep thread of kink for this post.  My mind is not very mindful.

Ok, so here we go.  Breathing mindfully now…

Looking for my inner kink…

Ha.  There she is.  Quietly curled up in a corner of my psyche, waiting for my Sir to wake her up.  Like Sleeping Beauty, i suppose.

He has promised that Wednesday night He will make up for not having thoroughly spanked me Saturday night.  Just thinking of that, my kinky self stirs.  Stretches a little.

i know how His hands will feel on my body.  Never rough, never rushed.  Gently, He guides me in the ways He wants.  Moving my body to please Himself.

Not to say He doesn’t inflict pain, He does.  My nipples harden just thinking about it.  My ass tingles.

He says that i will feel the spanking still on Thursday morning.  

That worries me a little.  i have not come close to that, i think He will have to spank me much harder than He has for the sensation to linger that long.

It worries me  a little, and makes me wet, all at the same time, of course.  

As He says, there are things i know will happen, things that are the same, and things that will be different each time we’re together.

i trust that He will bind my hands.  Bind my hands, and pinch my nipples hard enough to make me gasp.  Thinking of it now, a shiver runs through me.

i trust that He will tug on my hair, let me kneel between His legs, let me take Him in my mouth.

He is training me, slowly and certainly.  Teaching me to respond the way He wants me to.

Sometimes, i want more.  More protocol, more rules, more pain, more everything.  i want Him to hurry up and do it all.

Then i remember to slow down.  i’m not in control here, and there is no hurry.  He will take me where He wants me to be.  It is not too hard to do this with Him.  

i am confident that He is taking me somewhere.  Being able to savor where i am is the payoff for mindfulness practice.

Being able to savor the moment, and heightened arousal.  When i  touch myself ~ not the wetness between my legs, but the soft underside of my wrist, my inner thigh ~ when i touch myself there, i feel sensually alert.

And now that my inner slut is wide awake and ready, i feel my palms tingle.  My heart is open, all my senses attentive.  All revved up and ready to ~~~

~~ straighten up my messy house so my housekeeper can clean.

Hmmm.  Not as sexy as i might wish…

That’s ok.  The energy is mine, no matter where i put it.  It builds and grows and Wednesday, it will be His.

22 Responses to “Mindfulness Payoff”

  1. greengirl December 6, 2011 at 7:04 am #

    i like the idea of that energy being yours to channel. I find the same thing sometimes. i also find it’s a slippery thing and I easily lose my control of it.

    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 7:48 pm #


      Yes, you’re right. I found myself derailed at work today…. Yes.


  2. sin December 6, 2011 at 7:42 am #

    cookies! gack! I’m not ready!

    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 7:48 pm #




  3. vanillamom December 6, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Great post! Can i say i’m more than a bit envious now? *smiling*…you have such a way with turning emotion into productivity. Wish i could do that as easily. Or maybe its not supposed to be easy? hmmmm now there’s a thought….

    i…well this could be a blogpost in itself…Sun night i came home and slept like you’d expect a well-used slut to sleep…like a log.

    Woke at 6 and had such a productive day, got TONS done…

    and then last night i had a dance with insomnia…late in the afternoon, my two vanilla jobs AND my volunteer job were all going wild at once, and emails were flying…and i got a sudden, and very unexpected migraine (oy)…and had to take some advil, which hyped me up…

    but….because i was still awake, i got to talk to Master as he drove home late from work…

    and that was wonderful fun, as we talked about Sunday (its amazing the things i forgot/was unaware of!)

    then i couldn’t settle…just thinking of Him, of U/us…of our wonderful, naughty fun…so..
    ….. then i did facebook…and suddenly i was *exhausted*…

    and i don’t even recall getting into bed (tho i did!) before i fell deeply asleep…

    and i overslept this morning. By almost two hours…o. my. gawd.!!!!

    And now i’m kinda logey, and while i’ve gotten a few things done? I feel tired, and the first twingy feelings of sub-drop…and…*sigh*….

    on the bright side? It’s Tuesday morning, and my ass still hurts…



    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 7:58 pm #


      Wow! What a day you had! It sounds wild! I hope you’re able to rest tonight.

      Actually, i saw you’d left a late comment on fb, and wondered what you were doing up at that hour.

      And… laughing… for sure, i can’t always turn emotion into productivity, and no. It’s not always easy when i can. Sheesh, why do you think i have so many angst-y blog posts?



  4. Faithful December 6, 2011 at 10:16 am #

    beautiful post and I can feel your happiness as I read it.

    you are learning and growing and I am glad I get to witness it.


    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm #


      Thank you!! That’s very sweet! 🙂



  5. mouse December 6, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    You clean before the housekeeper comes too???

    When mouse had one, that’s always what she did. Ha. It is totally true that sometimes we feel we’re ready to slip deeper into our submission…

    But mouse has found when Daddy makes something a requirement, even if it’s something that she wanted…it takes a little fun out of it or it just feels different than she thought it would. Dunno if that makes any sense.


    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 8:02 pm #


      It does make sense – what you said. When something’s a requirement like that, then it does feel different. I think sometimes that can be an increase in the thrill, and sometimes not.

      Thanks for commenting, Mouse!


  6. Bob The Builder December 6, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    I have never understood why a woman will hire someone to clean their house and then clean it herself before the person they are paying to clean it cleans it. Must be a “woman thing”.

    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 8:03 pm #


      Laughing… Let me be clear. Not actually cleaning. I straighten up my belongings, which they wouldn’t know what to do with, thrown away junk, etc. They clean.



  7. Conina December 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    I tried to make my cookies kinky, but I couldn’t. So I made them coconutty instead. (the right sounds at beginning and end, eh?)

    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 8:05 pm #


      Funny – can’t wait to see them. Mine are going be cinamon-y but that doesn’t work for kinky. laughing…


  8. little monkey December 6, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    I’m learning to slow down and own that energy as well. It was just brought to my attention the other day that even though I might feel the need to “do something” with it, “they” sometimes just like it to be there and like us to be mindful of it. It’s hard to carry it around without acting on it…at least for me.

    • aisha December 6, 2011 at 8:06 pm #


      That’s interesting… Yeah. There is some power in just being aware of it.

      Something to think about… thanks!


  9. nancy December 6, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

    It is wonderful “just be aware” of that energy.
    Thanks for commenting on this and reminding me.
    I forget how much I can do by not doing..

    • aisha December 7, 2011 at 5:52 am #


      Thank you ~ it’s nice to know that it resonated with you…


  10. Bill December 6, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

    Glad you were able to wake the inner slut and get the house straight. My personal preference is for the inner slut and the clean house be dammed, but I’m a guy so you can ignore that part. Have a great week!

    • aisha December 7, 2011 at 5:53 am #


      Laughing… yeah, i suspect Sir X is more interested in the inner slut too! Well, actually I am too – hence the housekeeper…



  11. lil December 7, 2011 at 7:29 pm #

    This is an absolutely beautiful post.
    On the cleaning front, I used to clean houses for a living and I would totally clean my house first if I ever had someone to come clean for me lol.

    • aisha December 7, 2011 at 7:57 pm #

      Thanks, lil!

      And thanks for the support on cleaning before the Housekeeper comes!! Laughing… But i hope you know how much you were appreciated and how much you made life better for people!!}


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