Today ~

30 Dec

~ i have a zillion things to do.

Yes, a zillion.

And all i want to do is piddle around here and read other people’s blogs.  i don’t even want to comment, i just want to be a lurker.

And how often do you hear someone talk about piddling around?  Not often, i bet.

My mother used to say that, usually in the context of “Quit piddling around there and get to work!”

She was not much of a piddler, although a limited amount of piddling was acceptable.  But then there came a time when you needed to ~ yes ~ quit piddling around there and get to work!

You know, it was a year ago this week that i decided not to have her doctors provide medical interventions.  Medical care.  Decided to let her die.

For me, i think this is the anniversary of her death more so than when she actually died.

Maybe that’s why i’m a little out of sorts today.  Or ~

maybe it’s because i’m on call for my jail thing.

Yeah.

Either of those could do it, both of them certainly could.

It’s ok – i’m not eaten up with angst.  Just a little bit out of sorts.

If you want to read an interesting post, you should go check out Xantu’s post about her fantasy.  Fascinating.  Or Sfp’s post with a facebook thing where you get to participate.

i am going to go start doing the zillion things on my list.

12 Responses to “Today ~”

  1. Striving for Peace December 30, 2011 at 7:44 am #

    lol — thanks for the referral – although I think that is the laziest post I’ve done all year.

    and a double lol to the “piddling around” remark — because I think you piddle around way less than most of us — maybe not less than Mouse who I think is super industrious — but way less.

    being on call is always a tough time for you — I wonder if it’s the “on call” part or the “jail” part that makes it worse — because you have ickyness LOOMING — but not necessarily guaranteed — it must make it difficult to brace for

    At any rate — I highly recommend you do WORSE than piddle

    I recommend you LOLL ABOUT and see how that feels

    piddling around is for amateurs

    sfp

    • aisha December 30, 2011 at 9:15 am #

      @Sfp,

      Yep, your post was a little lazy on your part. lol. But i enjoyed it so much i reposted it on my fb page, so thanks!

      You know i looked up “piddle” just for the fun of it, and discovered it mean “urine,” or um, piss, right? Which means all those years my mother was telling me to quit pissing around!

      i kinda love that.

      As for the jail ~ you know, sometimes just walking in kind of overwhelms me with misery and pain. It’s in the walls, it’s in some of the guards. Sometimes with the inmate i get overwhelmed with their painful story. Yesterday, a woman cried for half an hour solid, and she had lots of good reason to cry.

      It’s not like therapy, where i can see her again and watch things get better. All i can really do is tell the jail to keep her on high-risk.

      It took a huge effort on my part to pull myself out from under the weight of her sadness and snatch her up with a short lecture about focusing on herself now, taking the steps she could, building a new life, planning, blah, blah, blah… And then some of the weight comes with me. If i pretend it doesn’t, if i act like i can just push it away and forget it, i’m kidding myself. And it comes back on me double then.

      Good grief, i’ve written a blog post on my own comment. Thanks for the recommendation, Sfp, i will loll about some!

      HUG,

      aisha

  2. sin December 30, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    I do think you are entitled to some lolling, but you can just piddle if that seems to work best for you today. Or you could ACCOMPLISH ONE THING and then do nothing for the rest of the day.

    Big hug, seems like whatever you’re doing you’ll want that.

    Btw, my first word over at SFP’s was “lazy”.

    sin

    • aisha December 30, 2011 at 9:18 am #

      Dear Sin,

      Actually, i’ve accomplished one thing already – i made sure the garbage got taken out before pick-up today! laughing… i might be able to pull off one more.

      AND, after i wrote this post – you know, i find a quote every day for my fb page? Today i found this one:

      “So you see, imagination needs moodling – long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering.” ~~ Brenda Ueland

      Perfect, isn’t it?

      Thanks for the hug, back to you, and i feel better knowing you’re seeking out reading material for your vacation!

      aisha

  3. thesubmissivebf December 30, 2011 at 9:13 am #

    Extra special hugs to you today…
    butterfly

    • aisha December 30, 2011 at 9:19 am #

      Dear Butterfly,

      Thanks for the hug ~ extra-appreciated today!!

      aisha

  4. mouse December 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    Think we all must have days like that. Today mouse sure is, and has a long list of things to do for Shabbat.

    Still the urge to be lazy persists….

    Hugs,
    mouse

    • aisha December 31, 2011 at 6:39 am #

      Thanks, Mouse, you know i consider you the pinnacle of efficiency and hard-work, so i’m glad to know you feel lazy sometimes too!

      hugs,

      aisha

  5. vanillamom December 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    Tis the end of the day. I sit in Starbucks and reflect on your words…your “zillion things” and piddling around…

    nice that her words are carried into your actions on this day.

    i ate my lemon cake and was reminded of sharing with you on a hot day in where-you-live…and talking about so many things.

    You don’t really need to worry about having a “piddling around” day, aisha, since i know you are so busy all the time… your myriad gifts to your community speak large for your lack piddling!

    Hugs n love

    nilla

    • aisha December 31, 2011 at 6:46 am #

      Dearest Nilla,

      i remember that day vividly too. Gosh, i wish we could do it again. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

      many hugs,

      aisha

  6. Sky December 30, 2011 at 10:47 pm #

    Hi Aisha,

    The day is nearly done. I’m late to comment. But, I hope you were able to just loll about, piddle, or as they’d say in Australia very crudely “piss fart around” lol. Which is a little of “piddling” (piss) and loll about (around)…with something extra in between. I don’t use this saying, but I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve heard it!

    I agree with nilla. You? Lolling about, doing not very much? I find that hard to imagine, with all of your volunteer work and daily activities. 🙂

    Whatever you did, I hope you found some peace. Sending you a hug.

    Take care. Sky

    • aisha December 31, 2011 at 6:48 am #

      Dear Sky,

      Thanks for the hug, and the good wishes for peace. i did find some…

      “Piss fart around?” That’s pretty darn expressive, isn’t it? lol…

      Hope all is well with you – thinking of you…

      aisha

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