Another Day, Another Kink

2 Jan

That’s really a bait and switch title.  It may be  a new year, but i’m still pretty much into the same ole kinks.

Obedience.  Being controlled.

Service.

A little pain… a little humiliation.

Rope.

Some public play ~ coming up soon at Winter Wickedness!!  

i’ve been thinking about “marks,” and how much i want Him to leave marks on me.  i took someone’s advice ~ maybe lil? ~ and asked Him to mark my breast with a hickey, and He has been doing that, which is nice.

Rope leaves marks for a while, which is its own kind of wonderful.

But then i was thinking how much harder/longer He might have to spank me to leave that kind of marks, and i kind of mentally shrugged.

i don’t know if that’s where we’re headed.  i don’t know if that’s where our kink, our D/s aspect, is leading us.  i think maybe not.

New Year’s Eve, He let me massage His body for the first time.   Starting with His back, and working my way over the rest of His body.

i had wanted to do that before, but have not been allowed to.  i don’t know why ~ i don’t need to know why.  He has His own ways and His plans, and my part of this is to follow His plan.  

It was a privilege to be allowed to caress Him the way i’ve longed to.  And it arouses me to think about it now.  His control, of Himself and of me, has tremendous power.

Anais Nin says:

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” 

and that resonates deeply with me.

i have the sense that He ~ Sir X ~ and i are going somewhere.  i don’t know where.  

Being allowed to serve Him is a privilege, whether it’s fixing dinner for Him, or giving Him a back rub.  i want to learn new and better ways to please Him, want that with a passion that surprises me.

This dynamic between Sir and me makes me think about Jake’s post on giving and taking.  If Sir allows me to give Him a back massage, and i see that as a privilege, then who is giving and who’s taking?

Laughing… i am still pondering all that.  Sir did respond to my question on His thoughts about it, and i’ll be back to that later.

Today, i’m pondering one of the things i learned at “Nia.”  They talk about being in a state of “RAW.”  

Relaxed

Alert

Waiting.

For sure, that’s where i am these days.  i can feel it in my body.

Linehan talks about it, meditating in a posture of relaxed alertness.  Sitting straight, belly and butt out ~ like the Buddha.  Eyes open, but gazing at a spot a few feet ahead of you.  Sitting straight as if there is a string running from the center of your body through the top of your head to the ceiling.

And i can feel it, the stillness, the waiting.  That is how i want to enter the New Year.

14 Responses to “Another Day, Another Kink”

  1. Striving for Peace January 2, 2012 at 7:48 am #

    lovely

    and

    yet once again

    you express exactly how I feel
    so much better than I do!

    sfp

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 4:55 am #

      @Sfp,

      Thank you for the kind words. You’ve done the same for me more than once…

      hug,

      aisha

  2. Sky January 2, 2012 at 8:03 am #

    Bringing and giving someone else pleasure, especially someone you love makes you (us submissives) melt. You sound so happy.

    I like raw, alert, waiting.

    I don’t think you will have any trouble finding more ways to bring joy to Your Sir.

    Fondly. Skyv

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 4:57 am #

      @Sky,

      It really does, doesn’t it? And isn’t that cool…

      i think you’re right. i am happy, and i will find ways to bring him more pleasure, and more joy… so much to look forward to.

      Thank you for the support!

      aisha

  3. thesubmissivebf January 2, 2012 at 9:39 am #

    I love the quote, this is your year of happiness.
    smiles
    butterfly

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 4:57 am #

      @Butterfly,

      Thanks! Yeah, Anais Nin is way cool. And i think you’re right, i am super happy!

      aisha

  4. Alice January 2, 2012 at 9:52 am #

    Happy New Year Aisha.
    I understand your desire to be marked -it is such a powerful display of ownership for both partners, but a tender massage leaves a mark too – in its own way.

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 4:58 am #

      @Alice,

      Yes, you’re right. And i have a feeling the marks Sir and i will leave on each other will be more lasting than welts or hickeys.

      hug,

      aisha

  5. Bill January 2, 2012 at 10:08 am #

    Anias Nin is remarkable, she writes in the first half of the last century and is still very relevant today. Will look forward to more posts on your feelings on being marked>

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 5:00 am #

      Hi, Bill,

      Yes. Anias Nin was the author of one of three books that i stumbled across when i was a young teenager, Story of O, The Second Sex, and {i think} Nin’s journals. i was fascinated by her, and confused.

      Thanks for commenting!! For sure, you’ll hear more about being marked as the year goes by.

      aisha

  6. Conina January 2, 2012 at 11:35 am #

    That was me, I think, with the hickey. 🙂

    Have always loved that Anais Nin quote, too.

    Happy New Year!

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 5:01 am #

      Hi, Conina,

      I’m sorry! 🙂 i’ll make sure to give you credit next time you have a brilliant idea!!

      Happy New Year!

      aisha

  7. Faerie January 2, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    I found that post by Jake very interesting too, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on it. I too wonder who is really giving and who is taking. Maybe you can shed some light on it for me, lol.

    • aisha January 3, 2012 at 5:03 am #

      Hi, Faerie,

      It’s complex, isn’t it? Don’t know if i can shed light or not, but you know me, i got some thoughts!

      hug,

      aisha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: