Another Seven O’Clock~er

12 Jan

Just so people don’t think i’m living in some kind of Nirvana here {although really i pretty much am} work is still crazier than crazy ~ and i don’t mean that as any reflection on my clients.

Another day starting with having to be at work at seven is probably a good thing.  i’ll have a chance to get something done before most people get there.

Not that i’m complaining – you know, i have a job, make a decent living, like the people i work with, like my clients ~ lots of blessings to count.  

And Sir X is certainly one of the blessings in my life.  As we grow our relationship ~ wait ~ do we grow it or make it?  Is it a seed blossoming or a recipe?

Oooooh, it’s a recipe.  Yes, and we’re compiling ingredients.  So ~ in our relationship, we have:

~ a little pain

~ some tenderness

~ lots of conversation

~ kisses

~ nipple twisting

And so on.  The list grows and builds, and i guess we’re mixing it together as we go.  We each add stuff, and add stuff together.

Sometimes, something gets added that’s a surprise, but not in such a good way.  From my perspective, there are a few things He said or did ~ or things He didn’t say or do ~ that make me pause.

Moments that make me look at the recipe slightly askance.  

Really?  i might think.  That goes in our relationship recipe?    i don’t know if i like that so much.  

i might think, that kind of hurts my feelings.

Usually, i think things through before i react.  Sometimes this is helpful, sometimes not so much.  But it’s what i tend to do.

Sometimes, i think it over and decide, O, yes, of course that’s part of it.  Sometimes, it just stays a question mark in my mind.  i don’t know what it means exactly, so i don’t know if i want it or not.

Yes, i know ~ talking to him about it is a good thing to do.   But sometimes it’s a more vanilla aspect of our relationship, or seems like it to me, and i want to just wait and give Him some space, see how it develops.

That’s anti-submissive philosophy, isn’t it?  The common belief seems to be that i’m supposed to share everything i’m thinking.

Hmmmm.  Yeah.  i don’t know about that.

In any case, i won’t see Him again til Saturday, and i don’t want to email Him about it, or even talk on the phone about it, so it has to wait that long anyhow.

And let me be clear ~ there’s no drama here, this is not a make-or-break the relationship kind of thing.  It’s just something that surprised me, not in a happy way.  

It might be a one-time thing.  It might be an aspect of who He is.  In any case, our relationship will accommodate it, if it needs to.  i’m just thinking about how i feel about it, how i want to react…

And there’s time.  i don’t have to rush to respond.  He’s not going anywhere, and neither am i.  We get to build this slowly.

~~ But i’m running late in my getting-ready-for-work time schedule.  Damn.

8 Responses to “Another Seven O’Clock~er”

  1. Faithful January 12, 2012 at 6:58 am #

    Sometimes by waiting (which I agree is a good thing to do unless it is a make/break thingy) what was a possible issue, no longer remains one by the time you see him.

    Whatever it is- sounds like you have a good handle on what you need to do/say.

    ~faithful

    • aisha January 13, 2012 at 4:47 am #

      @Faithful,

      That’s true – about it becoming a non-issue if you wait sometimes. The trick for me is teasing out when it’s really become a non-issue and when I’ve decided to push my own feelings away and ignore them rather than deal with them and the possibility of rejection or conflict or whatever I’m avoiding…

      And thanks – yeah, i think i’m on the mark today!

      aisha

  2. Striving for Peace January 12, 2012 at 7:57 am #

    ooh! — blog fodder!!!! —

    I’m off to write!

    many thoughts about telling everything as well as thoughts about those “ingredients” we’re not so crazy about

    sfp

    (gooooood post)

    • aisha January 13, 2012 at 4:47 am #

      @Sfp,

      You are sooo funny ~ and I loved your post. Thanks!

      aisha

  3. mouse January 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    Never used to believe in not sharing everything, that it would make mouse seem too needy or too much of a burden to be always questioning or second guessing…or just having a weird random thought.

    The problem that mouse missed was in sharing all those bits she felt were silly, she was really holding back control. Or bits of it…

    Hugs,
    mouse

    • aisha January 13, 2012 at 4:49 am #

      @Mouse,

      Yes, and just as i feel safely ensconced in my comfortable “i’m not going to bother Him with this” headspace, along you come and undermine it all.

      Because somehow you’re right too. Thanks for reminding me.

      hugs,

      aisha

  4. smilingsoul January 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm #

    Isn’t it normal to have some misunderstandings or a feelings of uneasiness in a new relationship? It is an opportunity to learn more about each other, to communicate and to accept. I guess what I’m getting at is this: it is completely normal to have a moment of pause and analyze your partner and the relationship. I would see it as a good thing. An opportunity to grow deeper into each other.

    • aisha January 13, 2012 at 4:50 am #

      @Smilingsoul,

      O, absolutely! It is an opportunity to grow together more deeply.

      The challenge for me is what to share of my analysis, and what to just file away in the “things i know now” category.

      But yeah, there’s not anything wrong with what i’m feeling.

      Thanks for the support!!

      aisha

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