Now Serving Obedience?

17 Jan

Jake has posted another thought-provoking post, {thank you, Jake} and then tweaked my interest in blogging about it a bit more in the comments.   You can read it here if you haven’t already.

He talks about the difference between a service submissive and an obedient submissive.  A service submissive is:  “one who enjoys the act of performing services for their Dominant partner, whether sexual or non-sexual. ”  

An obedience submissive “feel(s) excitement, arousal and joy at being “made” to perform an action or follow an instruction.”

So, i think i’m a service submissive, with a little obedience thrown in.  That surprised Jake, who would have thought i was an obedience submissive.  Which made me stop and think.  

i do like to be controlled.  i like being told what to do and how to do it.   i like the idea that i’d be punished if i did it wrong.  {i said i like the idea, don’t know if i’d like the reality.}

But i think that’s because i want to please.  i want that more than anything ~ not to please everybody all the time {laughing…} but to please my Sir.

Even in my first, most vanilla marriage, i would have done just about anything to please him.  The problem there was that he was only pleased for about a minute, and then he went back to feeling martyred and ill-treated.  He just wore me out.  Eventually, i had to accept that i was never going to please him, no matter what.

But that’s beside the point ~ except that the desire was there.

If you read my blog, you know i’m not a great housekeeper, and it’s not something i really enjoy doing.  But when i was married the second time, i ran around the house every night before he came home, tidying and fluffing and straightening.  He never knew i did it, so i don’t think he was pleased either, but i tried!

None of which proves i’m a service sub.  Hmmmm.  

Well.  Jake’s post has a picture of a woman providing oral stimulation to a man.  He suggests that for an obedience submissive, being “made to” perform an act is what makes it pleasurable for them.

i, on the other hand, am a big fan of cock worship ~ and it would hurt my feelings if Sir thought He had to “make me” or order me.  But ~ i love being told what to do because ~~

~~ then i know that whatever it is will actually please Him. 

That’s my theory anyhow.

And i so often have this sense of longing to give…  of wanting to offer.  And am sometimes restrained by fear that what i want to give ~ what i have to give ~ will not be what He wants.  Will be too much, or too little, or bad timing.

Being obedient avoids those particular anxieties.

So.  Interesting topic.  i think i need to think about it more, and maybe talk with Sir about it too.

Sir was telling me in the rope book i gave Him for Xmas, there’s a chapter on “giving and taking” but in a different context than i’d thought of.  

In the book, “giving” submissives offer their submission ~ to bondage, i suppose ~ and “taking” submissives provide some level of resistance that has to be overcome by the Dom.  So the one gives herself to bondage, the other needs to be taken.

Somehow that flows along with this, and it all circles around giving and receiving too.  But i’m not gonna figure it out this morning…

8 Responses to “Now Serving Obedience?”

  1. Jake January 17, 2012 at 6:06 am #

    aisha, I think you’re right…the “giving” and “taking” submissives in the rope book you mention correspond in some ways to a service and an obedience submissive. Though I suspect that if one pushes boundaries with one of the “giving” type, eventually there’s a point at which resistance is met.

    In thinking about it, I believe that my impression that you would fall into the obedience rather than the service category comes from your posts about demos and sceneing in front of others. This sort of thing falls squarely into the type of activity that I think my own wife, Joy, would never volunteer to do, but secretly in her heart-of-hearts, would be extraordinarily excited by. Therefore, the only way she’d ever do it is if I “made” her.

    So, in other words, I think I extrapolated my experience with Joy over to you, and that’s almost always a mistake.

    Thanks for shedding light and for talking about how a service submissive views things.

    • aisha January 18, 2012 at 6:43 am #

      Dear Jake,

      Yes, I agree that “giving” types would meet a point of resistance, and I think in some dynamics that’s the process – go to that point and then push a little more.

      That makes sense ~ why you would think i was more on the obedient end of the spectrum. Actually, when the Dom i was with the first time i played publicly asked me if i were willing to, i remember feeling so strongly that i wanted him to be glad he’d brought me to the event, i was just delighted he asked me. He did let me set the limits i was comfortable with, for the most part though.

      And thank you, as always, for starting the discussion!

      aisha

  2. Striving for Peace January 17, 2012 at 8:01 am #

    Both very interesting posts.

    my reaction, tho — is to reject both ideas. Am I a service sub? In some ways — but while I picture a service sub servicing in whatever way most pleases her Dom (angelically in my imagination) — that is not me. I love to perform services — but not all services. If what would please him most was (as Jake mentioned) cleaning the kitchen….I would not feel great joy in it. However, making him a fine meal, giving him a massage, sucking his cock — all give me great joy and pleasure.

    Am I an obedience sub? I struggle with rules — I like having them but am grateful for not having many because I loathe being a “bad girl” and would be horrified to be punished. The closest we came to a punishment left me in a puddle of shame — not a puddle of desire.

    And yet — there are times when I’m “made” to do things — and it works for us. I am “made” to ensure more than I think I want — and there have been things I have tried that I was not crazy about initially — that when done make me feel very submissive and his.

    Can I be neither?
    both?

    I want a bigger box please.

    sfp

    • aisha January 18, 2012 at 6:53 am #

      Dear Sfp,

      You may have a box as big as the universe.

      For sure, i don’t think this is an either-or clear cut dichotomy. i’m not all service all the time either and it would take a significant number of orgasms connected with cleaning the kitchen to find joy there.

      For me, separating and defining the two styles just lets me look at ways i fit each. It seems like for Jake and Joy it’s given them a glimpse of a new way of looking at and exploring her submission.

      And yes, you may be neither or both. i am not the pick-a-type police!

      laughing….

      aisha

  3. Faerie January 17, 2012 at 11:06 am #

    Very interesting post, I read Jake’s post also and I am primarily a service sub, but slowly am learning that I enjoy being an obedience sub too. Hmmm…need to think some more

    • aisha January 18, 2012 at 6:53 am #

      Hi, Faerie,

      Glad you found it interesting! It is a lot to think about, isn’t it?

      hugs,

      aisha

  4. sin January 20, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    Coming late to the party – I am an obedience sub. I think there are probably lots of different types, but I think that’s my kink.

    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 7:32 pm #

      Yep, I can see that. Actually, I had that sort of in mind when I was writing it…

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