My Body

19 Jan

O, i just did a lovely, stretchy, swirly exercise routine from my Nia DVD ~ just 15 minutes, cause it’s another “running late” kind of day, but my whole body feels awake and energized.

It is a sensual and rigorous exercise at the same time.  i’ so glad i didn’t skip it.

i’m starting Day 4 of my diet ~ which i’m not gonna call a diet anymore, it’s a change in my eating habits, a new relationship with food.  Doesn’t that sound all New Age-y?  Or something…

But it’s true.  Last night, after work, i went to the grocery, came home and actually cooked.  Had baked salmon and broiled asparagus, mushrooms and tomatoes for dinner, with yogurt and blueberries for dessert.

AND i have vegetable soup in the crock pot.   i swear i’m losing belly fat by the minute.

But more importantly, i feel like i’m connecting with my body in a new way.  

I used to hear people say things like that and i’d sort of mentally roll my eyes.  “Connect with my body in a new way…”  WTF.  

My body’s here, i’m not dissociated from it, what was this “connecting” supposed to mean?

Then i’d get this flash of what it meant ~ this mental image of being ~ i don’t know how to explain it ~ fully present in my body.  Feeling the power of my body and my self… and words don’t really work here.

i would get a flash of it, and in my mind it was like how i imagine athletes feel when they’re playing their sport.  Particularly ~ basketball players.  Or gymnasts.    They seem to be present in their bodies in a different way than i usually am.  

BDSM gives me some of that feeling.  The intensity the “in-the-moment-ness” of it is powerful and, for me, connects me to my physical being.   

And typically, in kink, we are accepting of different body types without value judgements, which is one of the things i love about “the lifestyle.”

But lately i’ve been aware of my own flab, so to speak, and my reduced flexibility.  My body doesn’t feel and move the way i want it to.  

Yes, i know some of that is age.  But not all of it.

Plus, i have some attraction to tantric sex ~ and i have not really been able to tap into the sexual and sensual energy of that discipline.  Key word there being, i think, discipline.

While i was feeding myself, ok, stuffing myself, with sugar and carbs, i wasn’t able to move into other realms of discipline (no kinky joke intended…lol)

Ok, enough of this.  More to think about later – i need to keep moving today.  

But here is how i want to feel.  This is my goal.

24 Responses to “My Body”

  1. thesubmissivebf January 19, 2012 at 7:12 am #

    Congratulations and good luck with your new way.

    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:29 am #

      Thanks, Butterfly. We’ll see… aisha

  2. K January 19, 2012 at 7:12 am #

    It’s nice to have a vision, and apparently you want to feel the way you already help make others feel? Ok is that too hokey? I mean it though. Go get ’em. Being able to get more into tantrix sex seems a great motivator btw. 🙂

    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:30 am #


      That was a lovely thing to say, thank you so much.

      And yeah, look out tantric sex, here i come… laughing…


  3. Striving for Peace January 19, 2012 at 7:46 am #

    Salmon and asparagus — yum.

    I might have to stop at the store on the way home tonight.

    I’m so happy you’re working towards so many of your goals — your happiness is compounding upon itself sis


    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:31 am #

      Hi, Sfp,

      i hope when you stopped at the store you got some of that cheese you like… 🙂

      And you’re right, it seems like my happiness is growing and expanding like magic.



  4. vanillamom January 19, 2012 at 8:06 am #


    yes, exactly…the corrolation between what goes in our bellies and what comes out of our heads is pretty obvious…but making that change…*sigh*…not so easy.

    i just wrote an entire blogpost here and deleted it. 🙂 … suffice it to say that your goals mirror mine…and we’ll do it.

    we may be older, but we’re tough broads, right? *laughing*

    now, off for my whole grain cereal for breakfast….


    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:36 am #


      We are tough broads, no doubt about that, and old wise women too.

      Yeah, change is not easy, and for sure i know that. But when we do make it happen, it feels so good.

      Whole grains are not on my menu for this first 17 days ~ i think they put in an appearance in the next cycle. We could all do food blogs, couldn’t we? The good, the bad, and the forbidden…



      P.S. Next time, leave your blog-post comment – i like them!

  5. faithful January 19, 2012 at 9:08 am #

    “Good Girl” Seriously- 4 days of new eating habits is great and I can tell you that you WILL continue to feel better and yes connecting with your body differently than you did before.

    I am the same weight as I was in HS and it is all about eating healthy not dieting. Do not deprive yourself- but the better foods you put in your mouth- the better you will feel.

    The food I choose (notice that word) to eat and the exercise I commit to everyday make such a difference in my life.

    I am proud of you- Keep it up! I know you are Happy and being Happy and Healthy is wonderful!!


    p.s. keeping a food diary of everything you put in your mouth helps… You will be surprised how you don’t want to write down anything really bad!!

    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:47 am #


      Thanks for the support. i’m glad you have a food and exercise regimen that works well for you. i weighed 98 pounds in high school, i’m not the same weight now! And I’m ok with that, to a point.

      And yeah, I know food diaries are one way to establish a baseline, or to identify patterns of eating. And typically, just tracking a behavior tends to reduce it, or change it in some way. I think it’s easy for that to become shame based – like you said about “writing down anything really bad.”

      Then it’s easy to fall into feeling guilty for what you eat, and to develop some shame around that. IME, that’s not very helpful – particularly if you’re doing some comfort eating anyhow, it’s too easy to get in the pattern of feeling guilty about what you eat and eating more to feel better and feeling worse and so on.

      Food and our relationship with it is such an interesting thing…

      Thanks again for sharing your experience!


  6. Floridadom January 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    Good luck on continuing on the path you have started on. Hope it helps you get you feeling better about your body.


    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:48 am #


      Thank you so much – for reading and for commenting! i do feel like i’m on a good path with food and movement…


  7. squirrel January 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm #

    You go girl! 🙂 I think listening to what our body tells us, what it wants to eat, how much and when is so important. Even if it is kind of a new-agey connection to ourselves. And I love doing a morning exercise routine – I just with I had more time in the day to actually do it! 2012 will bring great things for you, aisha.

    love, squirrel

    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:49 am #


      Yes, i agree. And i’d gotten so my body was drowning in sugar cravings so she couldn’t say anything helpful.

      I need more time in the day too!! Who can we talk to about that???? Is there a petition we can sign?


      Thanks for the support, Squirrel,


  8. lil January 19, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    Ooh, I think I get that feeling of being fully present in your body that doesn’t have words thingy!
    It’s actually something I was thinking about yesterday after pt. That kind of flow and connection in muscle and mind….You’re right–words just don’t cut it lol.

    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 5:52 am #


      Yeah, it’s way cool, isn’t it? i’m glad you “get it” too. 🙂



  9. vanillamom January 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    days, weeks later, and i’m still quietly giggling to myself about line “eating cookies like there won’t be any more, ever…”

    yeah…that resonates for me, sister…and nfw am i going to do a food diary, all respects to those that do…for one thing i haven’t the time, and for another?

    it’ll stop me from eating the cookies!!!

    *laughing maniacally….*


    i’d rather eat the cookie and die fat, than not eat the damned thing and die unhappily thin…

    • sin January 20, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

      Wasn’t it something about the cookie train? Something like that… Aisha could you email nilla and I and tell us the cookie thing again cause now it’s gonna make me crazy!

      • aisha January 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm #

        Dear Sin,

        Omg, you two! Why are we having conversations in my comments?? LOL

        i can’t find the cookie line – i went back and looked for it. i dunno. i think i said i’d been eating cookies like the cookie train was gonna quit running tomorrow…



      • vanillamom January 20, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

        Yes, !!! That was it…and i’ve been loving that line.

        i’m psyched for you and your 3 pounds btw…

        i’ve decided to be a better mommy and have cookies available at a moments notice. So..i’ve been keeping cookie balls in the freezer, and when the kids want cookies, i grab a dozen and cook ’em up…


        i really prefer frozen cookie dough to the final, baked product.

        But…i need to chill and detox too. You’re right. I am eating more simply. Except for cookie balls. Must be a slut thing…lovin’ those balls…*snikker*


    • aisha January 20, 2012 at 8:20 pm #


      Yes, i am with you on the damn cookies. Except, you know, i need a break from them. i’m on day 5 now of my new eating regimen. As of yesterday, i’d lost 3 pounds and i feel great.



  10. sin January 21, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    That was it, the cookie train was going to stop running tomorrow!

    The problem with keeping cookie dough is that I looooove it! Much better than baked cookies. Although the best is cookie dough ice cream. Anyway… cookie dough in the fridge or freezer, I have to hide if from myself. Or just eat it all, and then the problem is solved. I’m kind of an all or nothing girl that way.

    Glad to hear that you are doing well on the eating regiment Aisha.

    • sin January 21, 2012 at 11:32 am #

      Ooops, regimen. Giggle… there’s a story suggestion for Nilla…Aisha and the new regiment!

      • aisha January 21, 2012 at 11:48 am #

        Lol. That’s ok – I referred to it as a new regime the other day!


        Sent from my iPhone

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