Thud

8 Feb

Did you hear that?  

Last night ~ that thud?  

Yeah.

It was me, dropping from the high i’d been on since the weekend.  Landing with a solid thud.

No, i’m ok.  No real damage.  Just a dent in my bubble of happy.

i was sitting here last night, feeling all cranky and out of sorts, wondering what the hell was wrong with me, when i realized ~ of course!  Two-three days after an event ~~

sub-drop.

It wasn’t quite a crash this time.  Just a thud.  Landed on my butt, i think.  No damage done.

For a minute, i was annoyed with my Sir.  i told Him this would happen!  i asked Him not to be out of touch today!

But He wasn’t actually “out of touch” ~ He just wasn’t very communicative.   Maybe He’s having a touch of Dom-drop.  They say it happens.

In any case, i managed to acknowledge my feelings.  Yes, i’m a little blue.

No, it’s not so much fun being at home as it was being at a kink event with Sir.  All that adrenaline high, all the extra dopamine and serotonin floating around in my system is pretty much gone.

i’m back to my regular, mundane life, surrounded mostly by Muggles.

And that’s ok.  

It helps that i will see Sir tonight.  Helps that i’m in a relationship that i feel secure about.  Helps that He wasn’t completely out of touch yesterday.

In the words of my favorite reggae artist, i can tell myself ~ “Don’t worry ’bout a thing.  ‘Cause every little thing, gonna be alright…”

(Yes, i had to include it here…}

But it has not always been this easy for me, and may not always be this smooth.  In fact, i may think i’m sliding through this sub-drop now and discover at some point that i’m really not.  

But it ties in nicely with the theme of aftercare and responsibility for our own emotions, doesn’t it?  

i can never decide if i love it or hate it when i’m talking about something, and then it happens ~ when i get to live it instead of talking theory.  Anyhow ~~

SherynB has written a couple of pieces on aftercare.  One of them, she did about three years ago ~  “The Cult of Aftercare.”  If you’re on fetlife, you can find it here:

It was apparently misinterpreted by lots of people, because she wrote a follow-up called “Aftercare??  Seriously??” which is over here:

They’re both excellent.  And you know i’ve got more to say about them, and will be saying it in the next few days.  

i really appreciate the comments i got yesterday.  i want to respond thoughtfully, and  i’m trying to move at my own pace today.   Trying to be gentle with myself.  So be patient with me, please.

Sir is coming to my house tonight, i have straightening up to do and need to get to work early and all that usual stuff.

So i’ll leave you with this quote from SherynB:

“If you are going to ask somebody to play with your pain, your fears, your phobias, your self-esteem, your core emotional identity…you need to have done some work of your own, and be prepared to do more.”

Food for thought, isn’t it?

11 Responses to “Thud”

  1. Striving for Peace February 8, 2012 at 7:34 am #

    Drop sucks (also “drip” which I couldn’t stop typing here — it’s early)

    But as I read here — your drop seems more like a normalization of altitude — rather than a plummet.

    I wonder if it has something to do with how tightly bonded you are to your Sir?

    interesting

    I could feel you lightening up as you typed — which was lovely — and good — and reinforces “why we blog”

    hugs sis

    sfp

    • aisha February 10, 2012 at 5:30 am #

      @Sfp ~

      Laughing… yes, drip would suck too, i think.

      No doubt being bonded to Sir helps immensely and yes, so does blogging and feeling the support of my subsisters out there.

      Thanks, sis!

      aisha

  2. Mick February 8, 2012 at 7:42 am #

    It’s a guy thing….. you’ve been away with your tootsie for a few days. had a great time. but now there is reality to get back to….things you ignored while away with your tootsie. We can’t figure out why the tootsies can’t figure that out. Mick

    • aisha February 10, 2012 at 5:35 am #

      @Mick,

      Omg, you kill me. i get this mental image of some hard-boiled detective with a cigar in the corner of his mouth saying, “Look here, tootsie, I’m a man. Man got stuff to do.”

      ROfL.

      hugs,

      aisha

      @’Nilla,

      Yeah, it could be man speak/woman speak – if you can show me that it’s only women who experience drop after intense play. Which, from what i’ve been reading lately, actually Doms do too.

      But nice thought. i think it has to do with brain chemistry.

      aisha

  3. vanillamom February 8, 2012 at 8:09 am #

    i don’t know if this will help…it’s more in sympathetic feeling, really.

    the last time M and i were together for playtime, in early January, was *fucking intense*…like..the most intense session we’ve ever played with. There was a LOT of stuff that i never blogged about because it was so intense, and i didn’t want to diminish my feelings about the experience by trying to set emotions into words.

    i expected sub-drop by day 2-3.

    didn’t happen.

    not until about day 6 or 7 did it hit. and like you it was a thud. i was feeling whiny and crabby…and i realized it for what it was. Did you read Dune? “Fear is the mind killer, it is the little death..i will accept it into me, let it pass through me” that isn’t btw, an exact quote. And i did that..

    accepted that it hurt that i was back in Vanillaville. Oh, gosh it sounds so easy to say that in Pollyanna voice, yes? But it wasn’t. Really? I felt like i was slogging through thick mud. Muggles indeed!! Yes! And the next day was easier. I think it took me three days to pull fully through it and out to the other side, but i did it without crashing and burning as i had in the past.

    A victory to be sure.

    So kudos to you for being able to manage it, practice what you were saying the day before *smile*…and moving through it.

    We are all works in progress, aren’t we?

    HUG

    nilla

    • aisha February 10, 2012 at 5:38 am #

      @’Nilla,

      Good for you too – that you got through it without a complete meltdown. Sometimes i think the more intense the high is, the longer it takes for the drop to set in, and the more intense it is when it does. But i don’t have any data to back that up.

      We are works in progress. No doubt.

      i’m glad you’re part of my life…

      aisha

  4. vanillamom February 8, 2012 at 8:11 am #

    @ Mick..

    yanno…i think there is merit to what you say Mick, tho you put it in a semi-joking manner, Master has often said almost the same thing to me…

    could it be that? at the most basic, primal level, that it is ‘guy speak’ and ‘woman speak’?

    nilla

  5. smilingsoul February 8, 2012 at 10:42 am #

    I don’t know if this is the case for you, but I have found my subdrops are not as severe as it was when we first started to play. We usually play in the afternoon when the kids (teenagers) are in school and the evening activities are light. Recent sessions involve the single tail and a tire tread paddle, which is more intense than what He was using in the beginning. Often, He doesn’t get to hold me after a session because something comes up. Now I just get tired and am less “loopy”. I think I have learned on my own how to manage my reactions and have built up a tolerance level. I also think it helps that we are connecting more during our sessions. I “feel” Him through the implements more nowadays.

    I never feel neglected by not having aftercare from Him. I think it is because we have a life together. He must work. The kids have stuff happen and we are needed. Our life is like a partnership with Him at the helm. I do what I can or must do to keep the family and our lives running smoothly. I have always thought my aftercare was my responsibility if He couldn’t be there for me. One thing I have learned as a mother, learn to cope with plan c or d or ….

    • aisha February 10, 2012 at 5:46 am #

      I love the way your relationship sounds. Such a solid foundation. i’m kind of inspired by the idea that it can actually work like that.

      aisha

  6. nancy February 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm #

    I feel sure you knew on some level that you’d have a bit of a thud or drop after this weekend. Not that it helps during the moments. I would always much rather talk about it than feel it.. who wouldn’t?!
    I’m glad you do get to see him tonight.
    I didn’t comment on the first post you wrote.. but I do agree , I’m responsible for myself.. but I know that he will hold and cuddle and talk and wipe my tears away as needed.
    Hang in there.. you’ll be much better by the evening!

    • aisha February 10, 2012 at 5:47 am #

      @Nancy,

      Yes, i did know, and i thought because i knew, that knowing would protect me from feeling.

      Does that make sense?

      Didn’t work like that though.

      And the holding, cuddling, wiping, and talking are just good, aren’t they?

      aisha

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